I cried the day you told me goodbye in the hallway where so many memories of mine were made sad, and I'm crying again now after learning about your death.

Why am I here?
Laying under blankets,
eyes filled with tears,
everything feels uninteresting.
All I feel is disgusting and sad.
I don't want to bring others down
but when they can see through the mask
they get mad.

*and I end up ignored anyways.

When you say my name that way,
and I can hear it in your voice...
that your smiling, it makes me smile too.
I love smiling with you you.

Feeling disconnected,
from the ones who surround you each day, is sadder and scarier than being lost in the darkest of caves.

I look one way only to be turned away,
someone else is more important right now.
I search for comfort from others
who I've grown close to with time.

It's not the same.

It all becomes a very depressing pattern,
what happens over the time it takes
for you to become, locked out.
Until only special people can help.