I never asked for this, never wanted it either.
I feel worse now than with any old fever.
I never wanted to fall for you.
except I never fell.
You pushed me
With the intention I'd fall through the floorboards and straight into hell.
But I fell in love instead.
and I'm not sure there's a difference.
I think Hell is something you carry on your shoulders and not a place you go to if that makes any sense.
And I'm tired of building my house on boulders because they move.
calling you my rock just gave you too much to prove.
.
.
.
And now I'm just sitting here at a traffic light.
They were made for our safety right?
Because I've had Red lights all the way and I think that's a sign, a message clearly saying S T O P.
But I tell myself it's fine
That it's a coincidence
You handed me a heart I said I'd try not to drop
but each time the light turns green I wince.
Because maybe, just maybe
theirs a meaning to these dead ends and detours
even hooks are hidden in lours.
I think that's what you are.
And I just can't get reeled in.
they say feelin' this is a sin.
I'm beginning to believe them but I refuse to let them win.
and maybe that's what this is all about now.
Maybe I'm confused or just forgot how to love.
but that red light's glowing above.
and I feel my heart drop in my chest.
I think I ought to return yours
we did our best
I did my best
But I think I need to S T O P.


© copyrighted Nicole Ann Osborn

~~~@~~~

i break
my chrysalid womb
into a realm
without
protection

my wings
are wet and stunted
cyan jewels lie dew'd
tourmaline
clusters upon the
veins

i'm only beginning
to learn the
nature of flight

i'm at my
most vulnerable
please
protect me
but don't assist me
in my struggle
to break

FREE

~~~@~~~

it took me
disolving time to
emerge
from my own
beautiful
amorphous mess
while I drew
my imaginal discs

i dreamt
of flowers
and their
everlasting
bursting colors

the
celestial skies
and soft
empowering
spring
breeze

~~~@~~~

as i push apart
my place of
safety and security
i find the life
pumping
into my
wingspan

the colors of the
world
entrance me
i am no longer
dreaming
as i drink in
my natural
but still
foreign
home

~~~@~~~

riveting pain
with each
s p r e a d
of these
newly acquiesced
defenseless
delicate
appendiges
this
m e t a m o r p h a s i s
has just begun

my
j o u r n e y
to self discovery
paved with
wrestling and scuffling
everlasting
flight
and
wondering

~~~@~~~

for it is in the
p a I n
we find
g r o w t h

and in the
s t r u g g l e
against
the
safe and secure
that we
at last
find

F R E E D O M

~~~@~~~

dajena m
soulsurvivor
(c) october 10, 2014