I can't write out what I really mean to say
All I can bring myself to do is cry and cry
Until I am breathless.

And I am ashamed of what I have done
I hold the most regret in my heart and feel the pain of my choice every single day

I wonder what you would look like
And what you would laugh like
And of what color your eyes and hair would be

And I just don't understand how I could ever be forgiven.

I wish so desperately I could go back and choose differently.
I become so angry now when I hear women and men talk about abortion
I want to scream and cry until I am drained.
I hold my stomach and wish I hadn't been so selfish

I wish I could hold you, every minute, every day
I wish I had you sleeping beside me with a sister you would have loved so dearly
And she would have loved you more than anything.
She would have protected you... Which is what I should have done.

It's been a year and a half. You would have been one soon.
Maybe walking by now.
I wonder if you still grew, with God up in heaven with all of the other millions of children who should have been here.
I wonder if you can see me and my tears.

You still consume my thoughts
As if you made your bed there and are forever sleeping..

I will never make peace with the decision I made.

It kills me to think of your innocence
In how you loved everything
In your belief that everyone was good
Then I barged into your life
Ruined you in ways unimaginable
I swear I loved you but I couldn't show it
I tried to tell you I was broken
But this pride wouldn't allow me

I can't apologize and I can't console you
I restrain myself from trying to see you
You'll move on and everything will be okay
The memory of me will be nothing more
Then a blemish on your perfect skin
My perfume will no longer intoxicate you
It'll blend with your scent and attract everyone
You'll find someone deserving of your love

I will cover every part of my body in shame
Hiding the scars left by your loving touch
Strands of my hair that twirled on your finger
Grey every day losing their pigment
I can smell you everywhere I go
Like a stain that set and cannot be removed
Your whispers of promises and happiness
Are now haunting voices driving me insane

I'll continue to be made of rotting material
With a memory of love I never deserved
You'll be this glorious human being
Who realized never to settle for the worst

He came from a place
of ruin and despair.
Where defeat and anguish
were his burdens to bear.

A prisoner of sorrow,
a master of pain.
His own personal hell,
his kingdom to reign.

No joy in his heart
was there to be known,
And on this road to destiny,
he trudged alone.

But there once was a time
when his life had reason and rhyme.
He had purpose and meaning,
there was a reason for being.

Yet all of those things
he let slip through his hands.
By his own selfish destruction,
he is now a wasted man.

My story is being retold
as if the past has found its grave.
Now I use my words to describe
the feelings I want to convey.
So many things that I never could see,
All the dreams time had stolen away,
finally now have returned back to me,
And with me is where they shall stay.
From a nightmare you have rescued me
Restoring beauty back into my life
Giving new truth to all of the things
I had convinced myself were just lies.
Angels rejoiced when our paths combined.
It can only be defined as spiritual.
A natural essence of a power divine,
What many consider a miracle.
With a symphony led by the Maestro of Heaven,
the soundtrack of my life is found.
You fill my heart with a sweet joyful noise
where once there was no sound.