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Without YOU is like
A sky without clouds
Protections without a shroud
A cheater who doesn't lie
A zombie who cant die
A fourth of July without fireworks
A stalker without lurking
A violin without its strings
One direction without little things
A tattoo artist without tattoos
An alcoholic without *****
A maze without obstacles
And multiple choice questions without options
#impossible #without you #lost
Someone once said to me
"The sky is sad, just like your eyes."
I've just come to understand this
That the reason the sky is so sad
Is because the heat of the sun
Leaves it's dark depths every night
Just like you
When you left me standing there
That cold winters night
In the frightening depths
Of my own terrifying thoughts
And years of feelings
That visit me every night
In my head
And tear me apart
From the inside out
The day I started to actually breathe
Was the day that you took those breaths away from me
Those breaths became shallow
And jagged
Like my lungs were craving
The sweet taste of oxygen
Air
That only you could deliver to me
Through your soft lips
And hands that explored places I never thought it would
But then came the day
That the air through your lips
And the feeling of your hands
On my rough skin
Left me for the last time
And on that same day
I finally took the blade to my pale skin
And took my last breath I would ever take
On this living hell we call the world
it's alright

you never have to be afraid

i'm here

don't let the fear override

i won't hurt you

i've been there before

things will be better once more

but if i try to make you follow me

will you come or will you back away

i'm never gonna try to harm you in any way

never see the point of dying

i'm never gonna let you stray from the right side

it will be worth it

you will be worth it

trust me

*you're worth it to me
To walk away on Christmas.
I've never felt winter's breeze graze my cheek so sharply.
My heart grows cold as this prolonged night goes on.
I'm frozen.

Four years of my life,
Lost at sea.
Though my heart breaks into falling snowflakes
You had to be free of me.
There was no place left for me in your occupied heart.
This frostbite will sting, until I feel no more.

What warmth that was left in my core has been stolen by this cursed evening.
And as the tears fall from my face onto the desolate ground,
I stand there frozen.
Lost. At a loss.
I can't breathe.
Every breath is like a gasp for air.

The void in my heart fills with gaping streams of sorrow-filled, silent screams.
And all I can see is utter darkness.
To break up with my love made this holiday the worst.
How do you expect me sleep
With you circling every thought.

Like the leaves of autumn,
You're everywhere I walk.

And stepping on these leaves of yours
Produces my favorite sound.

Tonight that sound is too loud to sleep through.
I paused before a puddle
Gazing into its shallow murk
Seeing my reflection therein
And I wondered…

Am I here on the outside
Seeing myself as I truly am…

Or am I the reflection of who I think I am
Seeing myself clearly for the first time?

Am I looking into the murk…

Or am I looking up out of it?

So cold, this wind of uncertainty
But my rippling reflection shivers more than I
This emptiness inside me...

How it seems to grow
From a whisper to a scream…

From a shadow to a night unending…

Crying out for change
For something temporary
To fill the void between now and forever
Even though I know…

Temporary will only feed the emptiness
And merely pacify the pain of loneliness…

Not only for me...

But for another

Is it wrong to want someone to hold
To want someone to hold me
To chase away each other’s darkness
In companionship and calm
In passion and compassion
In mutual understanding and desire
Knowing it will only be temporary
Until we each find our forever?

Maybe…

Maybe not…

All I know is this:

Every time what seemed to be my forever
Turned out to be only temporary...

The emptiness grew more fiercely...

Instantaneously...

And the nights grew longer…

Loneliness became more lonely…

My heart more broken

And if I can curse the sky…

Curse my name…

Knowing how much harder it will be…

How can I condone…

How can I expect…

How can I allow…

How can I ask anyone for temporary
No matter how much it may appeal to either of us...

Temporarily?

If I know it would do more to destroy love
Than to create love…

Why does temporary even appeal to me at all at times?

Because…

Sometimes…

Temporary feels like forever

But…

Temporary always ends

No matter how long it takes…

Temporary always ends

So…

No matter how long the nights…

No matter how long the wait…

No matter how lonely loneliness may seem…

I wait...

Though the emptiness inside me grows...

No matter how loud the whisper...

No matter how silent the scream…

I will wait for my forever
Because this pain is only temporary
And temporary always ends…

Even when it feels like forever
 Dec 2014 DustBall
The Jolteon
Everything as it should be
Everything familiar
Everyone family
Wrapped up
In this perfect moment
Cherished
Not to be forgotten
Just as it used to be
 Dec 2014 DustBall
The Jolteon
Calm and collected
The shattered pieces
Picked back up
Once again forming
Perfect crystal
The time to return home
Bringing a confidence back
Once forgotten
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