There are these moments all the time
Where I think, "This is not the life I signed up for.
This can't be my life.
This
Is
Not
My
Life."
But I am dizzy and hungover,
Stumbling to the kitchen for water
Wondering how I got home last night.
25
and tail-spinning--
How did I get here?

Last night
I had a glimpse of many could-have-beens.
I found myself wistful for a life I never had,
Risks I never took,
Words I let fizzle out on my tongue,
Courage that left me when I should have chased it.
A boy with a brogue nearly brought me to tears
Drunk and disoriented
Inadvertently reminding me of a future that's
No longer mine.

After every margarita
It feels like I'm falling further and further
And I'm scrabbling without footing,
Tired and dizzy,
Losing my way,
Wondering what all I've walked away from
All these years
Because I was always so scared.

So fragile any sound breaks it,
Sometimes awkward give or take it.
Sometimes gives peace or concentration.
Sometimes needed for contemplation.
Sometimes treatment if you did something bad,
Or when someone catches you doing something you shouldn’t have.
Maybe silence’s composition,
Has way more than just one definition.

Laying it all out on the line
What've I got to lose?
Maybe we were a flawed design
But I'd have died for you

The ending was entirely my fault
That much I can admit
But was it really so easy for you
To throw me to the pit?

There I go again
Unintentionally shifting the blame
I'm half into a bottle of liquor
Calling out your name

Now things are getting hazy
But one thing remains clear
I'd give anything && everything
For once more to hold you dear

I still remember the first time we spoke
As if it were just last week
Even from the very start
I knew you'd be the death of me

love changes
love doesn't rub my cheeks gently like love used to
love doesn't hold my hand as tight as love used to
love doesn't smile a lot these days
love's eyes are full of uncertainty
love
doesn't share his thoughts anymore
love doesn't share his favorite songs
love doesn't joke freely like before

love is still love but
love doesn't miss me when i'm away
love used to text me with “I guess you're asleep, may tomorrow you be safe, let me know when you're awake, and goodnight!” when i fell asleep and forgot to text back
love doesn't notice me as much as love did a month ago

i'm not saying love is dead but
love doesn't say love like love did
love doesn't love like love did
love gets busier
love gets fader
love thought i was joking when i said “I give up”

love won't answer my texts
love won't pick up my calls

love now walks faster than me
love now speaks in a lower tone
love is now silent
love feels awkward seeing me
love now doesn't sound as excited
and as curious
love is now not as comfortable with my presence
is it normal for love?

or maybe love is dead?
love fell asleep one day and woke up not love
wrong love
maybe love has become somebody else's love
maybe love is still love but not for my love
maybe love is still love but love is tired
maybe love is still love but love is getting tired of my love

or maybe love is just dead.


love is now more brilliant
love stands tall in love's world
love is loved by so many loves
love forgets about love's love
love thrives
love grows
alone

she hated the cold
bleak silence, for that's when her
thoughts are the loudest