Why this worry
about who
you really are?
Confusion
and creation
are twin sisters.
Embrace them.
Accept them both.
Enter them.
Surrender.
It's a *******
or nothing at all.
  - mce

Numb is a funny feeling.
Contrary to popular belief
It is not the relief
Of feeling nothing,
Rather
You feel everything.

You lay down at night
And your ears ring
Because you feel hate,
Hope, love, growth,
Birth, death, hunger,
Warmth, cold
You connect with the trees
And listen as the moon
Tells you tales of old.
You feel the Earth spin on its axis
The universe expand
And your body simply does not know
How to process this
So you go on overload.

So you lie, lie, lie still
And the tears roll down your face
Of sadness, happiness or fear
You do not know
Except you are overwhelmed
And
You cannot place a name to what you feel
Not one
Name.
You can only call it
Numb.

Happiness is a yellow spoon, floating easy,
A white dandelion seed in wind.
Driftwood swimming to the surface after a storm.
Breaking sunlight through a broken home in shambles from the ones who mourn.
Torn, no longer by the harsh cold rain, I feel warmth inside.
Take a breather kid, is what you are, a wise one comforting heavy sin, saying
It's all right, I'll save you from the tears.
The smile on a homeless mans face with a new pair of shoes.
The expression of a mother with a babe in her arms, fresher than the feeling after
church on Sunday.
Happiness is a yellow spoon.

You can't forget about a girl like me,
You cannot settle for someone else,

Your approval in ***** situations
the constant complications
between you
between me
between God
living a lie
making it by
with no self respect
I needed your attention
Your constant supervision
to make me feel special
because you were my motivation
my self worth came from you
and what you wanted me to do
but i cant live the lie
that got me by
because the lie that got me by was dry
and worthless
but now,
I can generate it myself
our 'break' gave you temporary pleasure
with the girl who could give you what you wanted
our 'break' gave me eternal understanding
of the demanding
branding
crash landing
reationship that took over my life
I was not strong enough
to see past your penatrating words
that sunk into my heart
'its my fault'
'this is normal'
'im not suppost to care'
care about the **** you put me through
you twisted my life to mold yours.
now your mold is hollow.
So heres just a little thank you.
thank you for showing me how wrong everything was
and giving me the self worth of ****
so i could grow the strength
to accept myself.
i accept myself
long lasting.
The worst part is that you dont see any flaw.
You think your perfect?
you will always be a ****
you will always be vile
you will always be a boy
with a temporary smile

The daisy on my dresser, the only thing left I have of you. The book you never returned to the library, 8 years over due, the coffee stain on my mattress, I forgave you. The smell of mocha frappes fill my nose at night. I miss you.