Maybe
if I was prettier
or skinnier
or more of something
maybe
if I was less loud
or less dark
or less something
maybe then
you would want me

today I looked in the mirror,
and I really looked,
and I didnt like
what I saw.
because I saw
a girl with hollowed out eyes,
a slight beer belly,
and thunder thighs.
I saw
the demon on my shoulder,
the angel to my right,
and black in my mouth.
even worse, I saw
charred lips from the cigs,
smudged mascara from a boy,
and grayed skin from the depression.
and I wanted so badly,
to fix what I saw
but I,
I was too weak.

you don't often know
that you've trodden through hell
until you're out of it
because
hell isn't always
burning or pain or agony
sometimes instead
it is love and lust and longing
it's not always
isolation or depression or winter
but instead
it's the touch of a lover
who means you harm,
the lies from the malicious
covered in sweet honey
most of the time
your hell is personal
and not a burning flame
rather
it's the devil
disguised as something
or someone
you love

I am the worst
I vowed to never
Ever hurt anyone

Yet I hurt you
I didn't mean to
But I did it

I lead you on
By accident
But who would believe that

Who would believe
The person who recieved
Your love

But never gave anything in return

if he loves you,
you won't need to beg
you won't need to convince yourself
he'll tell you.
if he loves you,
he won't make you cry
he won't leave you hurt
he'll show you.
if he loves you,
you won't need to guess
you won't need to wonder
you'll know