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  Sep 2018 athena
And what you’re telling me
would mean so much
if I cared
even a little
  Sep 2018 athena
i touched your soul
and scribbled my name on it
love, you’ll never get lost again
  Sep 2018 athena
I want to write about what hurts because I think it will
Stop me from hurting. If I put these words on
A page then they will be easier to digest.
Poetry isn't curative by creation, it is
Just confession. Still, these remedial
Lines are what I turn to when I am holding
Too much in my hands. Right now, I feel
Like I am overflowing onto the ground below me.
For the first time,
I don't want to write about what hurts. I want
To keep it inside of me and let it burn me. I want
To carry it in my palms for as long as I can.
I should write
About how we've said goodbye so
Many times that it turned into a threat, a weapon
We made with our tongues.
I should write
About how I lied and got away with it,
How you got caught with
Your hands tied and no one to blame.
I should write
About how it was over before we waved the white
Flag, and I know what it means now
To hold onto a sinking ship.
I've never had anything to die for.
I should write about how I've never wanted
Something so much that I devastated it completely.
We loved in harsh conditions, under sun and darkness and
I don't know how to write about how
The love didn't save us.
I don't write about letting go as much as I write about
Holding on, and I want
That to change.
I don't want to write hurt just to feel it.
The next poem I write about you will be
About me. About how I held on and how I let go.
It won't be about your love, it will be about
Mine. It won't stop me from hurting, but
It is how I make it out
Of my love alive.
  Sep 2018 athena
I still think about you at night
you come back to me with all your
sweet little lies.
  Sep 2018 athena
shh and allow me
to find the words

there aren't any;
just know I would
live through it all
to be here with you, I suppose it was worth it in the end
athena Sep 2018
have you found her?
where is she?
what happened to her?

sunshine floated throughout her being
her eyes beamed with hope and innocence
her presence graced everyone with contentment
she danced and she smiled all the way through life

have you found her?
where is she?
what happened to her?
have you seen this girl?

yes, we found her
but lately she’s not the same
she’s broken
just like the beer bottles laid beside her
her life has turned upside down
and i guess her head has too

— not every sunshine girl has a happy ending.
  Sep 2018 athena
i swore i didn’t want anything more
feeling free since july nineteenth
the lack of adoration for another person felt like release
but as i lay here
imagining what it would feel like to have someone’s arms wrapped around me
holding on tight as if i was their most valued possession
i am fleeting back into the desire to have a heart that isn’t mine beat for me so rapidly
as if it’s trying to keep me and mine alive.
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