if i could shapeshift,
my spine would show and my collarbones would cut.
if i could shapeshift,
my wrists would shrink and my thighs would disappear.
if i could shapeshift,
my waist would sink in and my hips would smooth out.
if i could shapeshift,
i would turn into someone you could love.

It's telling looking through
the window’s eyes ; 
a room with a paling grey glass view
befogs the clouds reign inside the storm
Often feeling misbegotten regret
for the unfiltered passing glimpses,
whetstone honed and splayed ;
raw hues of a latent life exposed

There's an uncertain hidden shame
in the unheard truth
starving out in the cold;
dwelling in a petrifying silence
of a common hunger
the lonely do ache
  
Merciless hunger pangs
manifest and shake
with an unrelenting bitter taste ;
loneliness grapples and grips
like a silent earth quake
rattling a rib caged heart — writhing
as Autumn bares the trees
  
A jagged ambiguous fault line
ripples through the hollow echo ;
a bolt of lightning caught in a bottle
strikes — silently contained
swallowing the unspoken words
in a greater good

This broken merry-go-round
keeps turning round and round;
the great mandala spinning on
like a worn out hamster-wheel
without a conscious trace
of going anywhere out there

The place you come from
is gone when you leave it —
even if you really never
feel you were from anywhere
but a thousand unmarked mileposts
from out here somewhere adrift;
a pilgrimage towards understanding
why sometimes I don’t know
if I know who I am — or could have been —
waiting on a threadbare prayer

One-day the winds of change
will shapeshift — bye and bye ...

"When the light that's lost within us
reaches the sky"


Jesse Stillwater

November 2018

Shapeshifters rarely have good intentions
They shift away right when you think you have them in your grasp
Elusive
Confusing, like bright lights flashed at your eyes

It's about losing control, pain drowning out the ceaseless stream of thought
It's about taking control, owning the power to give myself release

I wish you would all grab my arm and stop me
Yell in my face What the hell are you doing?
But I don't want anyone to know
Planned excuses, not deep enough for scars, clothes picked to cover up my crimes

Is this for me
or is this me begging for your help?

Did I copy this or did I choose it?

Shapeshifters are silent assassins
You never can tell what form they'll appear in,
there is no way to fight
before you know it, the points of their weapons have already dug

under your skin

Just like landscape
Set in stone
Blend right in
Vaperous bones
You didn't see me
I already know

My word, that's a gut wrenching cry
you have there, monsieur le coq
A piercing horn-of-plenty rant
that causes the stars to retreat
No wonder St Peter repented

Is that cackle-raising to rouse those
who give their all for ghosts in machines?
Or does that siren you summon
quicken earthbound worms
early bird fishers of men
are after?

Chef de partie stirs his cuppacino dreams
Bulging pajamas shapeshift  
as he turns, chomps his jowels
and salivates *Long live Chicken a la King
Sharpen my knife

I don’t get why people want me to stay the same

When all I want to do is change

Never been normal or human

I’ve always wanted to be a shapeshifter

Now look what I am

An ever blooming flower

Don’t try to stop something that’s supposed to happen

I exist for a reason, not sure what

Try and stop me

I dare ya.

Good morning, my love.
I didn't mean to stare.
I was just envying
the pillow beneath your head,
and the sheets that envelop you
in their comforting warmth.

While you were off
In surreal realities
That shapeshift into truths
I was waiting here,
Watching your every move.

Good morning, my love.
Know that every waking moment
Is the miracle
That brings you home to me.