I was told that god
Is the father for the
Fatherless
Well, he has a lot in
Common with my father
Because, they both
Abandoned me when
I needed them the most

Fatherless Child
Brittny Shaffer

Life hurts
Emotions hidden deep down in the dirt
Your not sure which direction to go in
There's to much confusion, you have no time because your life is thin
Trying to walk right but your on the path of sin
No feelings of your own being self centered just within
I always had a vision in mind
When I grow up I want to be just like my father
Hoping that he become the next African American doctor
My dream was that he'd become something powerful and he showed he cared
But my deepest fear was that he'd never be there
But who am I to say
Everything does not go right
Everything is not fair
Because with the power of God only thing you have to do is decree and declare
I wish my father would've realized
He had a purpose that he was not placed on this earth to get chastised
When i look out of the window
There is something that I see
A father not caring about his child he didn't believe
What was it about me that you didn't want to receive
Why was it that your hopes was always in the streets
Did you ever look back to say I have a child who is in need
Or was your focus on woman who didn't put fourth  good deeds
But DAD you loved them over me
Strangers came first they was people that you pleased
Your family was a meaning fairytale
It was make belief
I paint the picture I have an image
You took life as a game and not as a privilege
You was in your own world
You had your own village
Not even concerned
The devil had you he was in control
Had you in the streets doing a daily role
Stealing
Dope dealing
Got you locked up
and you said that it was wrong
But never thought about me you left me at home on my own
No food, no shelter, no comfort all alone
Your game was just a cattle to **** it was so strong
Before time your life was over it was gone
I remember the time I saw you on your death bed about to die
You held your hand out and said ill make it don't drop a tear don't cry
But you never realized the pain I went through because of your lies
The hurt I carried with me because you never tried
I lived 16 years no father a long ride
A father concerned only about him full of pride
Where was the love that needed to be supplied
Where was the hope that I put in to be prescribed
But people
Im here to share a message with all of the fathers
We as people need to rise up and set a standard as a generation
Become more of a father hood for kids all around the nation.
Its never to late stop with the procrastination
ALL aboard join the father hood station
We shouldn't be built of frustration
Fathers should be a role model to daughters and sons to say I strive for determination
Im tired of seeing children suffer due to separation
Fight for what you love, fight for your children
Having them apart of your life should never be a hesitation
They should be # 1! Make that your expectation
Looking for a father who never look back to get me
But on his way out said baby please forgive me
Father why
You only want me in your life because your about to die
Now I should walk out of the room and  just say GOODBYE
When i needed you DADDY COME HOME DADDY WHERE ARE YOU DADDY FATHER never got a reply
We as children shouldn't have to wonder if our fathers could be a rely
Free at last free at last thank GOD almighty were free at last
But where are our fathers
No new outfits, no new shoes
  Fathers are Found as killers now on the news
I just wanted you in my life
Me as your daughter why couldn't you make that sacrifice
FATHERS your daughters need you
FATHERS your sons need you
They need that fatherly advice
If I could get one wish
It would be for my father to hug me and give me that one big kiss
My fathers coming back he didn't forget about me
For all the fathers out there who abandon there children
FIX IT NOW let that be your fulfillment
We are all meant to shine as most of us do
But we as children don't deserve to be hurt and go through
SO change take action make your children happy and experience something NEW
Im out make sure you be about that positive life

Be Blessed

Could it be that I substitute lustful infatuation for love? or mistake an act of kindness for trust?
Using his words to define me, i mean refine me, leaving the real me in the dust
Can you really blame me for being attracted to someone who shows interest in my existence
Someone who is persistent, consistent and whose smile breaks my resistance
It's a real feeling I get of satisfaction through common conversation of nothingness
The willingness to waste time with me means something to me if not everything for me because time can not be given back
Sorry your interest in my existence was nonexistent, guess in the 90's being a father was wack.

Respect from hoes was worth more than respect from your daughter
If it was up to you, if you were her, you would have probably said "abort her"
You knew I was a girl and that I'd be your first daughter but that wasn't enough for you
You had 9 months which turned into 1 plus twenty now you're begging for my heart to attend to it's broken it needs amends too, a man too?

So I'm looking at guy after guy to cut into some deep hurting pain from my past
Not realizing that they can't give me what I'm missing cause I can't miss what I never had  
I asked God for a brother but I never got em
When I was 8 I wanted to meet my Father but I never saw em
After that, just like everything you cant change in life, you learn to accept
Accept and move on not accept and dwell in it

Yet I found myself looking for what I lacked in a male figure in a young boy
I didn't know it yet but my innocence he would destroy
How can you be sure about love and if you're in it, if there is no demonstration clearly displayed to see
How can i be sure that he loves me for me, not what i give or what i can be but everything that I am if I haven't truly accepted me for me
I long to feel love from a man who created me with his *****
Not physical love from a boy with a toy in it *****, I'm talking something long term
Deeply invested in things that cannot be returned or given back
Like time, memories, laughs, tears, words, or the lack...thereof

Growing up too fast.
Facing the real world too soon.
'Cause Dad isn't there.

Growing up too fast.
Facing the real world too soon.
'Cause Dad isn't there.

I'll never learn to shave,
Or how to change a tire,
But I'm okay with that,
Because you've taught me well.

He smiles so bright like he has teeth of gold.
Projecting the reflections of his own inceptions.
I'm done grieving the words that once killed the inner me.
Verbally abusive was the past that didn't last.
He shattered my hope like splintered and shattered glass.

As far as the moon is to the sun is he to me.
I can picture his face but to me he's faceless.
His voice is like the echo of a stranger.
He salts his words with flatter,
it doesn't matter, they are tasteless.

His speech is drenched in hypocritical lyricals.
Transmissions of emphatic subliminals
transformed him into an emotional criminal.
If people would obey the limitations of their naive believes.
Maybe they would know that he calls me once a year...

I emailed a name when I was eighteen, a request to join a German class after add/drop week had passed. They said, “it is a bit late now, but I would welcome you in the class”. Strings of emails went between us, emails I shall remember, emails with pure kindness in them. Because kindness continued to exist beyond emails. Because I told my roommate how kind they were in their emails. Because my roommate read their emails too. Because his name was genderless; much like his heart. Because his class felt safe from the first day. Because for once I wasn’t on guard in a class on my first day. Because in other classrooms I was. Because he and five boys felt safe. Because his classes were at night. Because he became a dad to me. Because he was madly in love with his wife. Because he spoke of her so fondly; Because he was in love with her. Because he was not tired of her. Because he gave me hope. Because he was a stranger who I told that I was dying. Because he wished me well when I went under surgery. Because he reminded my roommate of a golden retriever. Because my roommate had never met him and knew if she was ever in danger that he was a sanctuary. Because an accusation was thrown on him. Because an accusation was thrown on I. Because I carry the heart of a fatherless child. Because the world wishes to keep me fatherless. Because the first words out of my mother’s mouth were “is the person who said this childless?”. Because childless people do not understand the hearts of children, especially fatherless children. Because fatherless adults wish to compare themselves to fatherless children. Because I was in the fifth grade when my teacher’s father passed. Because she said “now we both don’t have fathers”. Because when I was eighteen, my teacher missed her pop-pop dearly. Because she told me I loved him in a way that women love their men. Because it was a reminder that I am a fatherless child. Because I went home and cried. Because I still cry. Because I cried so much, I scared my roommate. Because I wrote him an email saying “I wish to discuss something in person”. Because he emailed back ten minutes later asking me if I was okay. Because he gave me the number for campus police. Because he thought I was in danger. Because he shared with me a complete hand-out of every resource available in Indiana. Because he was worried. Because he emailed me. Because he said he would be in his office the day prior to class. Because he had a passion for teaching. Because he was my male role model. Because I told him about my love for rock music. Because I told him I could drive a Jet-Ski. Because I wasn’t scared of him. Because I was never scared of him. Because I wasn’t scared of the name welcoming me in class. Because Ich kann Deutsch.