Got jumped going down the alley
by a couple of bottles and a card game
Got my portrait painted finally,
hands hidden by the fancy frame

"Immortalized Sobriety"
that's what I'll call it,
immortalized sobriety
and not alcoholic

I'll tell my friends
I'll never drink again
We both know that's
not ******* happenin'

I'll tell my friends
I'll never lie again
We both know that's
maybe gonna happenin'

Am I losing my mind?
No, no just one more drink
am I perfectly fine?
No, no just let me think

My mind is soaked
in fermented brine
this page is soaked
with blotchy
                         i
                            n
                              ­k
                                  -

-ling of a remembrance
woke up in the backseat
of a taxi cab repentance
aftertaste so bittersweet
declare me in-dependance

I'll tell my friends
I'll never drink again
We both know that's
not ******* happenin'

I'll tell my friends
I'll never lie again
We both know that's
already happened

Am I losing my **** mind?
No, no just one more **** drink
am I just ******' blind?
No, no just let me ******' think

I think I might need,
I think I might need,
I think I might need
you.

What is jealousy?
In its simplest form,
insecurity.

The emotions involved,
fear of impurity.
The nagging thought,
disloyalty.

The dependance,
that need for security.

I'm in love with you.
That's what she told him every night.
But she was so ******* blind.
Blinded by love, and blinded by a boy.

You can live up to three weeks without food, and a week without water, but without oxygen you can't make it past 5 minuets.
So, to show her devotion, to prove how true her love was, she made him her oxygen.
Every pulse of her heart she tied to him.
She didn't breath unless he said it was ok.
She only lived and fully experienced moments when she was with him.

Now, one might think, if he was her oxygen, what was she to him?
He liked to pretend she was his oxygen too.
But only when he wasn't busy, or he was bored.  
He filled her head with hope for the future, and a life just for the two of them.  He craved any and all attention, so he played along.
But at some point, he got tired of her.
Tired of her dependance.  Tired of a little puppy dog trailing along.
So he called her up.
He tried to be decent, he tried to be nice, but with a short call he ended it.
He ended her.

Imagine all the air being ****** out of room.
Imagine being held underwater, your lungs are screaming for air, but you won't get any.  
You slowly start to lose consciousness.
It gets black and fuzzy.
And you drift into a deep, lonely sleep.
That's how she felt.

Without her oxygen,  she was dying.
While he was sitting at home watching tv.

the friendships i had
a month ago
have perished
to the backs of our minds
yet i do not feel glum
and i am ebullient towards the beckoning future
that so many others anxiously fear
i am incredibly lucky
to have someone
like you
and without you
i dont think
i would be
     ......

pills to sleep
now I don't eat.

pills for anxiety
now I don't act like me.

pills for mood
so I don't seem rude.

pills for that
pills for this...

They'll forever be my friend
until I no longer exist.

I'm lost hungry and broke
I'm eating a 3 dollar sandwich
on the front steps of a bank
and chain smoking
I missed my bus
it's raining
passively
on my hands

I need a lot of things these days
and I have a lot of doubts
but nothing's changing
and nothing's getting better

I dropped out of school
I'm regretting a lot of things these days
but not that

pay my rent
keep my shoes tied
remember to eat and bathe
when I can

misplace and forget
nausea
exhaustion

I choke down my sanity
with a glass of water
every morning
the pills, the dependance
that's what makes me nauseous
and the cigarettes, the coffee, the whiskey
those too
like I said, the dependance

I'm not alone
and I'm not lonely
but my hands are cold
and my bed is colder

a sense of loss
   of lacking
   close to panic

the world spins by
   and leaves me
   in the void

ferocious nightmares
   rise out of
   restlessness expanding

until your voice
   saves me
   from drowning

I just want to tell you
To go
**** yourself, but the
Words tend to
Linger, listless on my
Wine-stained lips. Inner anguish seizes up upon the
Distinct odor of
Your ignorance, your
Blatant disregard.. Stretching my
Bones muscles rip
Tenderly
Against whispered pleas of
Dependance, masquerading as
Love.

Who knew just how much
How much one can take
How much one can hide
It's amazing

But sadly
It's true.
The whistle will howl once the kettle has had too much
And it will be the loudest
Most crude
Most unnerving
Rush of emotion
That will run through that beautiful ceramic teacup.

To what dismay does such teacup deserve
To be filled with the scathing liquid that was too much even for the kettle?
How could the kettle burn the dainty fragile item?
But the teacup did not burn
Did not shatter
Did not even crack.
The little item that seemed so obsolete next to the big strong kettle
Knew no limits to what it could take, so it took.

My hair is messy,
My make up’s off,
My heart is tough,
But my skin is soft.

I walk through the space.
The space walks through me.
I am this lonely planet’s billionth progeny.
I revere and ravage,
She nurtures and reaps.
This classic co-dependance is naturally unhealthy.

How can I compete?
How to be complete...
I’m just one lost soul in a black hole with two twisted feet.
Left handed,
Forever branded:

Too rich a soul for a poor economy.