a puzzle without the pieces,
the outline is there but the pieces,
the pieces are what you must pick up as you make mistakes,
memories and leave marks on this world.

it is found in the fragments of the sky that you tore apart
and in the constellations that you chased all night
it makes you wonder who you are scream and as you shout
it’s in the words you speak, the tears you cry and the smiles you smile.

one word. eight letters. an eight letter word that means everything
yet it is as ambiguous as whether the rain is the tears of god
or whether it’s the blessing of the clouds
one word. eight letters.

a word that has as many meanings to define it
as the amount of people there are with dreams and aspirations
one word which we are all trying to find the definition of within ourselves
a word that we hope to define; a word that we hope will help us become someone.

so you search the mountain tops and you look in the branches of trees,
you look in the deepest depths of the oceans,
you search the galaxies. and you try to find something, anything.
you try to find your identity, your truth, yourself.

but you don’t have to go that far to find your identity because it’s already there
it lays beneath you, beneath your skin.
it lays beneath your jail-like ribs that hold it down,
and they will only let it go once you realise it’s always been there.

your identity; you will find in pieces and fragments of everything
you will ****** ideas and habits and feelings from everything and everyone
only to turn those into parts into your soul
maybe you will not realise until later but you will find them everywhere.

in nights filled with bowing to the trees that sway to the gentle breeze of the wind
while melodies play and enter your mind swiftly and freely
or maybe in the mornings filled with sunrays that enter your room from your window
and dance lazily on top of your pillows and desk.

you will find yourself and no one can take your identity away from you
not even the abhorrent words of the loathsome stares thrown your way
not even the seas can drown your identity in their ghastly waves
so don’t you try to let anyone take it away from you.

because bliss and happiness comes to you once you find it
so when you find it, grasp it tight in the palms of your hands
bury it deep beneath your heart and never, ever let go
because finally you have found what you’ve been looking for; your identity.

do you know how it feels, to look into your mother’s
eyes and see them weeping, and to know that
you are the reason behind her misery?
when she looks at you without the tears,
but you can still see their shadows
imprinted upon her cheeks? her eyes puffed like pillows,
though she cannot get rest?
to lay in bed at midnight and hear her quietly sobbing
to herself through the ****** thin walls that seem to echo louder
and louder the more she suppresses the sound?
do you know how it feels to watch your mother helplessly watch you die?
to see the pain through her glass-fragile eyes?


because i do.