Liquid courage to numb the pain.
Intoxicated to forget.
Offbeat blood, sent from heart to vein.
Returns with a guest, she just met.


She closes up, leaves the bar clean.
To her apartment, around three.
In bed she lays, counting some sheep,
That mock her, thinking she will sleep.
She hears the crickets’ lonely beat.
Reminding her of creeps she meets.
Sometimes they have a potential start.
But never truly go that far.


Each night dealt with some other cards.
But slowly starts to build up guard.
She puts less time in her makeup.
But drunks continue to pick up.
She joins in shots, hopes to pass out.
But in her head she hears the shouts.
Her heart’s hunger for real love.
Her clouded thoughts rise above.


A newly turned insomniac.
No longer sleeping on her back.
Till curtains peek with starry eyes.
So bright, leaves a forceful rise.
Her sobs like strings of violin.
A void no liquor can fill in.
Despite how much she tries to drown.
The aches resonate with shrill sounds.


Another night, still found no one.
A man enters, two drinks and done.
She questions him, “What is the rush?”
Always pulled into a quick crush.
But never really tends to last.
As he mumbles about his past.
A bartender, like therapist.
As alcohol reveals the gist.


Now drunk and loud, he starts to shout.
Before his crash, he raises doubt.
He talks about, the best he lost.
Always at home, waits for the toss.
She cheers him up, when in a rut.
He gets up again, “That **** mutt!
To see her hurt, curled up in bed.
I held her paw, up till her death.”


The next night, slept pretty early.
He was perfect, brown hair curly.
Her eyes were lost, but not with lust.
Enjoyed his smells, delicious must.
A piece of her, became a part.
Happy to save his sinking heart.
Rescued him, he slept on her rug.
Named Milo, her three-legged dog.

It's been Everest to climb to obtain this sober mind of mine.
Hi don't I know you? Vague recollection of time so long ago.
The greatest battle to ever rage is the one that's locked up in this bone contrived cage.
Good and evil, peace and chaos, serenity and madness all in one small space.
Entire lifetime of wisdom, is in this flesh and blood prison.  
Continual conscious contact cerebration. Curious.....
Occasionally things make sense,  only to come to the conclusion it's myself that is confusion.

Being alone is nice sometimes,
but it can be very lonely too.
Seeing all the fun that they can have
doing things you can no longer do.

It feels like God is picking on me,
saying "Haha look at you!
I'm going to give you the grandest dreams
but you'll be gone by 32."

I try to talk to the people around
although it seems that they don't understand.
I can't really do all the things I would like,
but i'm trying the best that I can.

I used to find pleasure in the simple things,
like a beer and a bask in the sun.
The era of joy and stars in my eyes
it seems is finally done.

So please reserve your judgements until you
can feel what I feel inside.
Don't tell me how to spend my time
when it's a pain to be alive.

I've been trying to find a way to live
while also struggling to survive.
So ******* until you've died and come back to life
before you could even drive.

And when I decide it's my time to go,
you can bet I won't be sober.
I bought the ticket, I took the ride,
but now Football Season Is Over.

As I grow, I've learned to understand the facts
What seems like love a first sight isn't always that.
Your first jump isn't going to always land
And not all goes according to plan.
Not all doors are the next chance of opportunity
But you keep looking above.
Your heart will get deceived 1000 times before it's satisfied with pure love
Lies will continue to follow
& goals will always leave you outta breath
Great decisions didn't come without a couple sips of regret
Growing up means you will lose a few people along the way
And what seems to be written in stone doesn't mean it'll last forever and is permanently set.
Change comes in to play a lot
And your worst will come before your best.