"why do you want the person back that put you in such misery??
why do u want that?
so u can prove to yourself that they wouldn't dare to put you in that misery on purpose?
but then u know they would do it again.
why do you want something you know is just gonna rip you apart again?
why do you want something that doesn't want you?
why do u want something that's not meant to be?
how are letting them effect you and get you unhappy?
why?
why?!
**** it!
why!?" I said
then my reflection replied,
"why not?"

"I'll show you secrecy"
You said,
"Okay I love new things" I said
Deep down I only went cause you wanted me to
I realize now
I was your escape
but you pushed me out cause you knew it would rip me apart

Did you see me crying and screaming "why"?
Of course you didn't cause you weren't there,
but of course you wouldn't have seemed to care
If you were there

A few hours before that
In the car that rainy night
It seems so cliche but the weather matched our eyes
tears were falling out of the sky
that's the loudest I've ever heard us be
sitting in silence it seemed eternal for me
this is probably what hell feels like
having everything that matters
But not able to touch or stare


there was no words to seal a deal
I couldn't say much in the moment
then I think back now of what I should've done
I wanted you to help me with my problem
but my problem can't help me with itself, now can it?
there's nothing that would have made you stay
but I can only write that. I could never say that

cause taking steps away from you seem horrible but really I need to realize I'm taking steps forward not backward

well I wonder on these late nights
if you stay up for no reason like I do
and then find your mind wander to me
and wonder what you are doing

I got asked who I loved today
my response was that I used to love you
but love never fails
well if that's true it's not
cause it was love

I always think about what you could be doing
or think about how it's going
nobody ever tells me the truth about u
only alright and fine
along with "he's hanging in there"

you make it hard cause I don't know if I will be able to fall in love for a year or two
or maybe eternity
but I can't help but compare
but then again I know I deserve better than what u gave me
but because I've only been in love once <with you> and so I don't have anyone else to compare with
but at least I'll know when it comes next that it's love
so I'll thank you
I'll know because what we had was reality

you weren't meant to be, what you are to me now
it was suppose to be a time waster or a distraction
I didn't want these feelings
but im stuck now and running off of luck hoping you mean what you say

I know you can hear me
dont act like you don't know
what's it like living without me?
I know u still care and so do I
but what's the use
when u just shut me out of here
I can live with or without you
but living doesn't always mean being happy
what's it like living without me?
we are not meant to be
so what's the use
I'm always here but never seen
ur always stuck in the back of my mind
when I'm not thinking u always come to mind
I know that no one, no one, knows u like I'd do
and same for you cause u know me better too
so what's the use living without you
this world where we both are now
so what's the use?
well I'm gonna find one
and I think I have
there are people to make happy and people to have
places to be and there are reasons to be happy
and I'm gonna make myself think I lost the only reason to be

thanks for teaching me what life is really about
how to care, and how to actually truly love
thanks for teaching me to be careful, because not everyone you meet you can trust
and not all those you trust will trust you too
thanks for teaching me that there is way better things to do than cry over you
& for teaching me I deserve better,
showing me not everyone will care
by your actions I learned that, and that love isn't always fair.
thanks for teaching me to stop worrying for others and to focus on me
thank you for telling me that I would be happy
I'd find someone new and forget you
i will always remember you, but not the way I thought I would
thanks for putting at my lowest, because now I know how to get out and up to my highest
and for teaching me that people that ***** you over aren't worth getting to your lowest for
that's why I'm never getting to my lowest in life for anyone like you ever again.
thanks for showing me what it's like not to be loved