they all think I'm wearing,
a bulletproof west,
but can't you see,
I'm lying on the ground,
bleeding,
screaming,
and you are still shooting me?

(e.k.j.)

Every night before I go to bed
I am a prisoner to my mind.
A slave to my thoughts.
The words in my head haunt me.
People are afraid of the monsters under their beds.
But I'm afraid of the ones in my head.

I wasn't ready.
I wasn't ready for your emerald eyes to bat their way into my heart. I wasn't ready for my world to revolve around you. I wasn't ready for you to act like you cared. I wasn't ready to have you rip yourself away from me after I'd grown attached. I wasn't ready to try and develop a new habit to forget about my habit of loving you. I wasn't prepared for all the pain that comes from withdrawals. I wasn't ready to be used. I wasn't ready to be thrown away. I wasn't ready to battle these recurring dreams of me in your arms. I wasn't ready for my fantasy to be shattered by the harsh, cold, reality that you never cared.
I wasn't ready.
But who ever is?

Many people always say
that they're okay
hoping we wouldn't believe
so don't be too naìve.
She needs your help
always feels bad about herself
she thinks she's worthless
never has true happiness

Everyone has a mask they put on
As believable as the rising sun
doing everything to conceal
most of what they really feel
until life becomes a living masquerade
feelings being hidden in the shade
See this is what I mean,
People aren't always as they seem.
Blissful on the outside,
but broken inside.

He needs you to realize,
when he says he's fine, it's a lie.
Learning to read him is key
to see beneath what the human eye percieves.
All he needs
is someone who can say, "You're good enough for me."

We use masks to hide it all
but someday, one could fall.
To prevent that, there's a lot you could do.
Make them feel special to you.

Everyday a living masquerade;
an abundance of hiding the pain.

"1. I was drunk off ****** ***** he was tall and looked like a boy I used to love. I pressed my forehead against the glass window and told him I loved being high up and he told me to come back to bed where it was dark and warm and I couldn’t see all the lights and the little people swarming 63 floors down. he told me his little brother’s name and I used to remember it. I’ve forgotten by now.
2. he kissed me tasting like tequila and trying to make me something that I wasn’t. he kissed me because I was there and he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. writing about him makes my blood stand still I think I’ll stop before my arteries start to clog.

3. I was ******* a cherry lollipop and feeling like ******, he was throwing his shoulders back and thinking about soccer season. I put my lollipop in his mouth and he said “why don’t we have this conversation walking”. under the trees at night before the cops shut the party down he put his hands up my shirt and then got bored when I wouldn’t **** him with my mouth. sometimes when I see him I smile a little like “maybe…if you had waited another minute…”

4. I took the L train to Brooklyn it was hot and sticky and I was worried he wouldn’t like my hair. when I wandered into the bar I didn’t recognize him until he touched my shoulder. he said he didn’t like sleeping because it was boring and he stuck his fingers in hot wax and he rolled me a cigarette and then apologized when I told him I’d quit last yeah but I’d smoke it anyway. his apartment was full of stupid art and I don’t know why he never texted me back. maybe he found out I was too young for him. maybe when I kissed him he tasted high school on my lips.

5. he was hands, hands, hands, touching me in the shallow water of a man-made lake. he was in my hair and falling into wet sand his lips were all over my chest he murmured “don’t leave me what am I going to do without you.” I left the next day. “you’ll be fine.” I wish he had left bruises on my skin but he is far too kind for that and he calls his little cousins cook, short for cookie.”



a.n. &m.g;.