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1.5k · Dec 2014
silver
Sarah Dec 2014
please don't ask
why my words
are so intent on
chaining your heart
to the nightmares I've
stuffed my pillows
full of
with promises rusting
into blackened iron
links and truths that
would shine better as
lies

I never meant
to cage you
in my dreams -
it's just that my
eyelids solder shut
and I cannot pry my silver
eyelashes apart without
cracking at the faultlines
I forget to mention
whenever I wake up
alone

it's just that my
soul needs more
than a little oiling
more than a little
you
to breathe away this
metal corroding its way into my
tear ducts, dripping rust
down my cheeks,
choking on 'blood oxide'
and mechanical residue
buried underneath my
fingernails

it's just that every
******* 'i love you'
is yet another link
around my finger,
wrenching the life out
of me,
blue shadows engraved
on my skin never shine
like silver in the sun
but if this is the
only clanging chain
of heartbeats echoing
in metal boxes
from me to
you;
what can I do?

it's just that there
was a lock somewhere
along this mess of coils
and chinks and mistakes
but oh god,
when did the rust
between you and I
melt into three thousand
miles of mercury trickling thermometer
poison into everything
we say?
I've lost my keys;
they had sunk first and
I will sink last

it's just that
the clinking thump thump of your heartbeat
is my lullaby;
it's just that
knowing you breathe warmth is enough
to cool the burning silver in my lungs;
it's just that
close to you is the closest I will ever
feel to 'alive'

it's just that
if I can't keep you -

nobody can
making me weak when i need to stand
970 · Aug 2015
sunny days
Sarah Aug 2015
sunny days and i'm fading away
maybe you'll hold me some
other time
don't shut your windows to
the rain outside
i told you sunshine doesn't
stay this way
if you can't hear me in thunderstorms
i'm not the summer you
are yearning for
face straight out a movie scene
949 · Dec 2015
near our parting ways
Sarah Dec 2015
there are pretty clouds and there is
hanging fog
the rain is spilling through the
spaces between my fingers
splashing at my feet like the
things you used to say to me
i can't hear you anymore
you're in love again
some other girl some other name
i don't want to hear a single ******* thing
if you're happy why are you watching me
in my familiar misery
it rains wherever i am
you're so lucky you are far away
please don't tell you'll stay
my fingers aren't working right
after clutching onto you so tight
am i supposed to say goodbye
without venom and spite
it's a little difficult, forgive me please
you used to be my anchor
and suddenly
ground shifting, earth quaking
and now you are the reason i can't breathe
underground seventeen feet deep
you didn't save me
you barely even tried
kicking screaming softly speaking
944 · Mar 2015
hailstorm
Sarah Mar 2015
lately the little hailstorm
in my fingernails has
been crawling up
goosebump skin and faltering
pulse until
the
rain
is
trickling
down
my
spine
between bones and nerve
endings, my eyelashes only
know how to blink away the
shadows when there is a
heartbeat in my ears
and ink stains on my skin

i don't know how to
bleed out the rain with
pretty words anymore
the worst things in life come free to us
835 · Mar 2015
icicles
Sarah Mar 2015
there are icicles down
my throat that
crumble and fall
apart every time
my teeth shatter and
my fists clench

tell me how long
i will be coughing up
pieces of me;
i am breathing through
teeth that shiver
like graveyard bones
in winter storms and

i can't do this anymore
im sick of being alone
791 · Nov 2013
Pieces of Glass
Sarah Nov 2013
Aren't we all just broken pieces
Of everything we wanted to be?
All the shattered remains of dreams,
Scattered for the world to see?

I see a piece of you, before me now
Reflecting every word you said to me
If I pick it up, I would cut myself
On the jagged edge of your sanity

Yet I hold it tighter, this little piece of you
I can't give it to you, not just yet
I'm still not done picking up
All these dreams you left to crack

You don't see the way all these pieces
Shine your smile back at me and you
Won't you let me place the last shard now?
Won't you let it sparkle like it should?

Because you don't see the little pieces,
All the ones I've left far behind
Hidden under a smile because
I still need you to pick up mine ~
Dedicated to the girl I would die for if it made her smile, my best friend~
689 · Oct 2014
wishing well
Sarah Oct 2014
there is a wishing well
behind your eyes

and i'm throwing all my coins
all my keys
anything that
clinks
at the bottom of your irises

i'm running out of pennies;
wishing is a game of fools
but

let my heart past your eyelashes
fingers crossed for
the telltale clink
and the ripples you hide when
you blink dreams away

is it not heavy enough?
i will weigh it with a little
more rain;
more rusty coins and
maybe then you'll hear
my heartbeat
clinking
against metallic tears

i know your pupils
are not black holes
like the one i have tucked
away from sight behind my ribcage
but still

i fear that all my coins
and all my keys
are not loud enough
to whisper what i cannot
in this vacuum between us


*please just let me go
we'll go under
670 · May 2014
Nothing
Sarah May 2014
Please don't tell me I'm
Everything
That I deserve happiness because
That's all I've given
You

You tell me you are
Nothing
And if everything in my
Heart is every bit of
You

Then I am nothing too.
this is where i scream from
655 · Nov 2013
Raining Eyes
Sarah Nov 2013
Your eyes turn to rain when
They look at me
I wonder, does it storm when
You look at him?
Or maybe it shines, the sun behind
Your eyelids because he is
Everything you wanted
To see, to hold you

I can't even hold your rain
In my dry, dry palms
Because I'm drowning in my own
Something I scribbled on my Physics book. For her, again.
Sarah Jan 2015
i can't muffle this sadness
in pretty words anymore
it screams too loud and
tears apart
all these red-inked pages
with a vengeance of the forgotten
demons don't like to be
denied
and it's january again already
as if rubbing my hands warmer
will melt the icicles lining
my spine
inching up to my collarbone
every day a little colder
god
how am i still alive

there is no beauty in dying this way
i dont care
630 · May 2014
Vertigo
Sarah May 2014
I've been hanging off
A ledge, a cliff
And if the aching hole
Beneath my dangling feet
Is waiting to devour me
Toes first then

Why do my fingers curl
Around slippery words,
Promises that are only
Tangible in dreams where
I don't wake up falling into
An abyss, or screaming at the
Rain, or curled up into a ball
Beneath a tattered bridge?

Tattered like every word
I wrenched out of my
Throat, my lungs, my heart
To hand to you


After all,
What's a little vertigo?
But its sad to see that everybody knows that I've been down in here before
594 · Dec 2014
yarn
Sarah Dec 2014
i hold myself together with
black stitching stained red
looping in and out of the spaces between fingers
and eyelids shut
and at times,
this needle is not sharp enough;
i cannot sew my shadows into
the background
this tapestry of my sanity
comes undone after dark
it's alright if i unravel,
these demons only play with
yarn and
memories and words strung together in a line
and it's alright if my
hands are suddenly tied behind my back
with twisting thread like blades digging
into flesh
my palms are patterned with rich lovely
red,

please don't
hold my hands so tight

it's alright
i am together
i am whole


and you wonder why it hurts
i really cant write anymore
586 · Jan 2014
Drowning
Sarah Jan 2014
If every word I say to you
Is like a raindrop
In the ocean of dripping
promises,
Why won't you just tell me
That I'm drowning us
Both?
I miss you.
578 · Feb 2016
air
Sarah Feb 2016
air
poetry has been eluding me
I'm hunting the words down with blood
stained palms; can't you hear me?
am I bleeding too quietly

my heart holds no names any longer
these are crevices I want to
paint all over again
I want it ***** under my fingernails I want
it greasing my hair I want art crawling up my
arms I want it in the dark in the quiet I want to
be consumed in colors I'm afraid to inhale
devour me, poetry
I am only the lungs
you are the air
i need u
522 · Feb 2014
Incomplete
Sarah Feb 2014
Let me hold you once
And then you can disappear if you must

Maybe you'll leave me broken-hearted,
Maybe you'll leave me numb

But I know that you'll leave me
Incomplete
I hate writing this kind of generic ****. But I miss you. Idiot.
489 · Nov 2013
Laughing
Sarah Nov 2013
We'll all die laughing
Because life is the joke we'll never
Understand
should be studying but no
463 · Dec 2013
Darling
Sarah Dec 2013
'Cause, Darling, I swear to God
I'd die for you
So would it **** you
To just stay alive
For me?
*******, Abeer. *******.
446 · Nov 2014
cold
Sarah Nov 2014
fire needs oxygen
the way I need
you,
but I am too familiar
with suffocation
to keep myself warm

warmth is only fireplace
memories of you
but words and promises
I cannot recall are
not enough for this
november chill in my
bones

I know it rains,
every night
these skies and thunderheads
are not my own
you are only a
candle flame, I know
and toxic rain -
corrosive against melting
wax

but please,
burn a little longer,
only a little brighter
I'll fuel you with firewood
words and sparks of
life

just please don't leave me
in the *cold
ill never ever leave
440 · Aug 2015
sin
Sarah Aug 2015
sin
there is sin tainting
every finger of mine
every inch of rotting
skin

where will i find the
strength to hold up my
hands to god tonight
and california never felt like home to me
411 · Jun 2015
untitled
Sarah Jun 2015
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i'm sorry

i know this emptiness
spills out of my lips into
words that will never make sense
i'm trying to make sense
out of blank pages and aching fingers that shatter
every single thing they touch
i'm trying to let air in my lungs
but they're filled with something
else that's draining the very life out of
me
i'm sorry
i'm just trying to breathe
you dont have to try
408 · Feb 2016
alone
Sarah Feb 2016
half a flashback
and my head is cradled
in her lap and those long fingers
would have been braiding whispers
into my hair if it wasn't for
math class - voices splashing
all over the walls but
it's the quiet humming around
us; i wanted to tell you
that when i'm alone
i think of all the places
that i might just have
been home
youre so cold
359 · Jan 2015
melody
Sarah Jan 2015
no, you can't
have my heart
i forgot where it
is

maybe under my
bed with all the pink
shoes i outgrew not so
long ago or
maybe
with 'Jane Austen'
and the dragon books
on my shelf with
the diamond dust confetti
like morning dew i never
wake up early enough for
maybe between
the pages of poetry, maybe
it drained down my
bathroom sink
maybe i
left it at the back of
your car that last night
i told you i didn't want
to go home
maybe i gave
it away, no, not as
a gift, only just an
afterthought
for the hopeless on
the streets

or maybe i like
it better without
a beating in my
veins, blood needs
no chorus, wouldn't
you agree?

you wear your
heart on your sleeve
because maybe
you like bleeding
with a melody

baby, i don't
wanna sing;
red is better as
paint because music
can't scream color the
way my lungs do
when you hold me close
enough
to hear all the things
you can't say and all
the things that make me
run away

who needs a heart just to
breathe?
and its right in front of me
343 · Apr 2016
anchor
Sarah Apr 2016
i hear her coming before her shadow steps over the door
she smells like silence like rain dragging its *****
fingers down my windows in the dark like waking up
next to your own dead body like watching your
fingers fade when you hold on so tight so tight
you don't notice you've been holding your breath
two months long she comes and she goes; the things
i would do for a lock on this door, the people i will
fall for in the corridors, bleeding fingers leave
graffiti down the staircase it's raining inside, and
she slips in anyway my skin is her resting place i know
it when the quiet is drowning me and my thoughts i know it
when she swallows my pulse i know it when she drags me
down
my gentle little anchor
take me where you will
you know i'll come up for air
when i don't need it anymore
i wont even miss you
339 · Nov 2014
pyrophobia
Sarah Nov 2014
i am so desperate
to fade into
ashes
and grey
and smoke;
please there is nothing to see

walk through me
i was never here
anyway

there are sparks
of light and of
warmth
that ravage me
inside
happiness?

it is cold again
and the ashes of
me, darker
than the nights i
have forgotten how to
fear

i flee from dawn
in night's stead
black is familiar
and what can be
seen through this smoke?
the reds and oranges and yellows
of sunrise
spear and pierce and terrorize
my ghost eyes

light burns feeling
and life through me -

by dusk
i am only ash
longing to be set
alight once more
slow down
335 · May 2015
aching
Sarah May 2015
there is something missing
hiding between words i don't know
how to say
i don't know how to write
this missing away
you are the coffin
333 · Mar 2015
sea salt
Sarah Mar 2015
i was born from
an ocean, tidal wave
crashing background noise and
sizzling foam seashore
rage and salty tears that
burn the back of your
throat on the way down
when you try to sleep but
her seashells are howling
wrath in your ears
so loud your heart gives
in to the moon coaxing
tremors and pieces out
of your bones with every wax
and every wane
until all you are is
shattered crustacean breeze and
unwelcome footsteps bruising the
shoreline every time you
try to scream

i was born from
a man who did not know enough
to cast away his fishing
net far away from a woman
with piranha blood in her veins
and a kraken resting within;
she will tear him
apart
you cannot cage the sea
she has her own rivers and
tributaries like poison
dripping from everything she
hisses at the sky

but i am only the
fire
the gentle, the water in
me has slowly dripped
away until droplets of angry
sun have taken its place
its burning in my
veins
this blood is too dilute
to be set alight this
away
i cannot blame the moon,
sly as she is,
these are no tidal convulsions
i cannot control,
only volcano breath
madness and a thirst for
the burn, the crackle of a
flame of my own
accord

who to blame, who
to blame
she is the sea that howls
endlessly
he is fisherman, trembling as he guts her
away, scale by mirror scale stained
by ****** fingers
that still believe that controlling
nature is what it means to
be man, to deserve woman,
to live and to die underneath
a headstone even the ocean
will dare not touch

and i,
sea salt stings its way through every
inch of my skin
so instead my wildfire heartbeat
thumps lava, desperate to
expel my mother from the
depths of my drowning
lungs

we are not
the same
i don't want her
in me anymore
oh god, why

won't you let me
breathe ashes the
way she breathes
her own sorrow?
you can drive all night
332 · Oct 2015
cities.
Sarah Oct 2015
i never saw myself as a city until you
little hometown boy
with lazy quiet saturday morning eyes and i know my highway lips
are only spilling background noise white noise traffic noise
isn't it too loud where my heart is?
why are you still listening? you are fireplace chimney soft little lover and

i'm a hundred miles per hour too far past the exit sign and i can't ******* breathe when i'm going down this fast isn't it perfect because i never even want to aren't you lost yet i am sharp skyline piercing daydream weekend clouds apart there are no curves on the road i'm tearing up for myself no shotgun for you baby this is me falling apart on the side of the street under a storm cloud

loud little girl suddenly so small because the universe is infinite and i'm just a city of angry broken things can you hear the windows shattering i always tell you i'll burn down my apartment one day do you ever remember the **** i say slow motion urban apocalypse is what quivering mirrors show i'm a ******* movie scene when will the credits roll.

are you waiting too? is that why you want me to stay? you watched me throw my heart downtown little ******* gutter soul and i watched you run after it fish it out from my own rotten ribs and hand it back to me with that shy tangled up in mushy midnight memories when i kept you awake look on your face

you and your soft heartbeat hands for a horizon what do i even say i'm always trying to run away i wish i could slow down for you i wish i wish i wish i could be your little hometown girl with softer countryside eyes and freckles mapping all the secret quiet valleys we fall in love in you want to take me home, don't you? you're aching for a forever with me under soft silent sunlight there's no rush when we have true love right but there is there is THERE IS

i have to move or i'll disappear when i'm not angry i'm not alive i am neon you are candlelight i'm choking on glass shard misery earthquake heartbreak about to topple if you unbalance me IT'S SO LOUD IN MY HEAD all you hear is the laughter rippling out of me because trainwreck entertainment is all i know how to be

listen, boy. i love all the gentle nooks and crannies of your heart, how much you worry when i'm alone in the dark, but cities are only pretty when the light fades away, only irresistible from far away

stay where you are and maybe i'll stay
you look so alive
326 · Apr 2016
fire
Sarah Apr 2016
do not underestimate how
flammable my blood is; i will spill
all over these bridges and you
will ******* forget about me
remember the smoke after, you leave your
PITY on my doorstep and you will
watch how i set the flowers alight
and smear the ashes all over my door
you will not find home here anymore
i am an arsonist to my bones
my heart is the pyre, please just
leave me in the fire
cause i know the sound
318 · Aug 2014
pity
Sarah Aug 2014
If all these words you speak,
whisper to me when I'm
broken
and barely breathing

They are sweet on the ears
but bitter when whispered
to myself on nights
when you forget
that I'll never heal
and never breathe

I can't help but -

is that pity?


Depend upon
all these stars in the sky,
all these words you forget you ever said,
all these tears that will never fall past my eyes,

you'll be the one i'll
pity.
i owe you too much.
318 · Feb 2014
Sand
Sarah Feb 2014
We drop piece of each other
Wherever we go
Maybe we shatter,
Maybe we don't

Just please don't crush me
Into tiny grains of
Sand
Underneath your careless hands
im down on my knees and i know that something is missing
311 · Apr 2014
Aftermath
Sarah Apr 2014
I feel like an aftermath
of a hurricane
That came thundering in from
the corner between your
Heart and my hand
And I don't remember
ever seeing the blood trickle
Down from between the spaces
of pale, pale fingers
Maybe the rain washed
it all away
And the wind tore my
Screams from my throat
Before you heard me

Or maybe you were
Just simply gone.
don't ever send me a ******* suicide message again.
309 · May 2015
tornado
Sarah May 2015
i am the tornado kind of
misery, thrashing ocean rage
and the wrath of the shrieking
skies
bleeding into sadness
when you catch raindrops
in shaking little palms you hide
back in your pockets because i'm too
scared to hold your hand

you can't bundle me into
your arms and shelter me
from the winter you see outside shattered
windowpanes and creaking haunted
doors
of rooms you lock the madness within
because the madness is inside
there is a clawing in my blood
and darling
it's not singing for your love

it's not singing at all
where is this melody you hear
whenever you want me in your arms
?
what is your heart humming along to
when all i hear is

rain
and oceans and thunderstorms
and hurricanes
can you hear me
my heart?

it's the quiet underneath
it all
dont belong to no city
308 · Jun 2015
dreaming
Sarah Jun 2015
you dream of me in
flowers and smiles
summer laughter and sea breeze
sighing in every word we whisper to
the sun sinking into the dark;
the world is so very
small

i dream of me even
smaller
a few feet underground
with nonsense etched into the stone
weighing me down;
will you leave me a little summer
pretty little flowers shivering
beneath the cold of the night and the
silence hanging in the air

don't you know
?
i never meant to leave you all alone
now give it one more time
306 · Mar 2014
Stumbling
Sarah Mar 2014
I keep stumbling on pieces of you
And I can't tell who's shattering beneath my
Clenched fists -
You or me.
I need to stop writing poetry when I should be doing math. gsajchasjh
Sarah Feb 2014
Sometimes I wonder,
If words didn't slip from dry lips onto blank lined paper
And ink didn't fall from my eyes
Swirling into something I could call
Beautiful
For you

Would I write about that boy
Who I thought stole my heart
When I was thirteen
With chocolate boxes that encased my smile
If my heart was something that anyone would ever want to
Steal

Or would I write about another girl
One with freckles and bright eyes
And reddish hair and a laugh that tinkled
In my ears long after she disappeared
The girl that fell apart and fell back together
So many times
I could never count
Only the heartbeats and the broken little sobs
As I held her in the school bathroom,
Twenty minutes into English class,
Whispering, 'God loves you' in her hair

Or another girl, something like a flower
With gentle eyes and gentle smiles and gentle whispers
And gentle little giggles
I should have known better than to
Befriend a flower
I plucked almost all her petals
Before I pricked my fingers on a thorn

Another girl, not a flower
Something of a flame that crackled
Into an inferno whenever my hands
Hit the floor and I couldn't hold it in
Anymore
The burns still hurt from when
Her fire threatened to lick at the
Rain that was long overflowing inside me

That boy though, the one whose digital
Heart I was terrified to hold for too long
Or at all
Would I write about him?
The one who carried rain with him
Toxic rain I would never touch because
The storm was three thousand four hundred and two miles
Away
But maybe I've been splashing on dark, all-consuming
Puddles
Or maybe I dropped my umbrella the minute
I held onto him instead
How can I see the lightning from so far away?
I ran out into the rain just to hold him there
For a second or for a day
Or for the eternity I promised
He was never there.
"Goodbye."
I thought the thunder would be too loud
To hear anything but my heartbeat

I can't write about them
Because weren't you the one
With the most beautiful broken smile
I would ever see
And arms that wrapped around me on
Some godforsaken February day
When my not-so-stolen heart broke itself
Into neat little pieces?

Too bad almost half of those pieces
Lost themselves in you
And I've lost the will
To ever find them again
Haas, Tisnim, Nesrine, Mira, Daniel. not a tribute and not an apology. but i'm still so ******* sorry.
300 · Aug 2014
ink
Sarah Aug 2014
ink
every once in a while,
my soul sinks a little deeper
in these blue-black stains
of literate misery

i'm running out of ink.

~

as long as i have
this black canvas
and my broken paintbrush,

i'll never run out of ink.
if you look to the sky tonight
297 · May 2016
i'm sorry i write about you
Sarah May 2016
yes i know
poetry is for paper
but goodness if i could just burn the inkstains off
these fingers i just want you to
hear
how loud my heart talks
i'm sorry i can't keep
my hands the ink
the blood to myself
words are all i've given away
but for people like you
i think i could never write enough
im so real
294 · Nov 2014
home I
Sarah Nov 2014
you apologise,
'I am bad with words'
but words are all
you are

you build me
home
out of parchment promises;
tangling tiny houses in
a line with your heartstrings;
whispers of 'forever' trailing
from chimney-topped letters,
the smoke fading between
the lines of notebook poetry
skies

I don't belong in your
pretty paper towns

I have never needed
a lighter in my pocket
to set myself alight;
flame is in my veins,
burning slowly through my
bloodstream until open wounds
drip liquid fire and
smoke is all I exhale

your heart might as well
be pumping kerosene -
flammable like
meteorites burning black
holes where clouds and
dreams hang white
against a night of ink
and my scribbled thoughts
scratched out a million times
over, and then once more
until only apologies twinkle in
the sky

you spit your own
wildfires, I forget
you burn villages on your own;
forests of words and thorns
and tangles, blank leaves of
paper fluttering slowly off branches
of kindling wood,
igniting as soon
as the winds against us
are too strong to fight;
off-white flowers
and syllable petals singeing
black;

we are only ashes
*at our feet
give me a second go
290 · Jan 2015
ice
Sarah Jan 2015
ice
last january
was colder

instead of morning dew
you woke up with snowflakes in
your tear ducts and
the icicles trickling off your fingers
looked so pretty bleeding rain;

do you remember how your
bones shook like avalanche heartbeats
and how all those broken paintbrushes were
sharper than they looked
at five am with only fireplace
ashes for charcoal and old prose
to keep yourself warm

you have forgotten again -
ice is only cold when
it's crawling up your spine,
ice is only cold when
it's all you'll ever hold,
ice is only cold
when you do not want to breathe
the dawn again

the icicles did not hurt -
these frostbitten nerve endings make
breathing through the numbness almost
as natural as the selfish
sun and the reds and the yellows and the warmth
that will melt the terror in my lungs
into shaking palms
dripping red on tablecloth poetry

the sadness was locked away,
frozen behind my shivering ribcage
and I miss the way this ice felt in
my veins,
almost as if I'd never have to
feel again


how could I forget?
this rain is colder than any
winter I've ever known
i never know when its getting better or worse
285 · Jun 2015
mist
Sarah Jun 2015
all she ever did
was speak of fading
                             away
                                  into mist
into silence; into things you'll never
hold
again
everything is blue
283 · Apr 2015
cracks
Sarah Apr 2015
oh darling
you are not what i
ache for

no
not at all

i am empty clouds
and you are dusty sunshine
my breath comes heavy
and there is still not enough sad
to empty my empty into
worlds with misery
more than enough

so i **** up the empty
shove it back with the ghosts
in my spine, stand a little straighter
**** up the nothing until
a vacuum is all i am
free space and nothing left behind

you'll never get close enough to see the cracks
my ghost whered you go
281 · Oct 2014
thaw
Sarah Oct 2014
maybe I have burned up
too bright -
                     my nerves are frizzled
                     and frayed

i touch
i fear
i love
           yet this dead pulse is only
           the same

as if the blood in my veins
has frozen midway

there is no heart
to be thawed
my arms get cold in february air
280 · Feb 2015
burn
Sarah Feb 2015
the strength is seeping
from my limbs
i am crumbling under
this ******* sun

don't you dare
touch me
i will stand

on my own
trembling feet
i will breathe

in oceans
until my lungs
remember me
again

my heart is not
yours to crush
i will pump

blood and life
into my fingers
with my very own
hands

watch as these shadows
in my bones
hide behind me

i'd rather burn before
i let this darkness
define me
like you wanna be loved
276 · Dec 2014
whispers
Sarah Dec 2014
my soul
resides in hollow
empty rooms,
dissolving through windowpanes
and condensation like
whispers blowing across
crushed glass

breathing is only a
memory,
dreams are easy
to inhale but the
nightmares of rain drench
my lungs in thundering
teardrops and
lightning bolts
whispering 'worthless'
along my collarbone
crawling into my ears
like moisture forgotten
from midnight storms

almost december
and there is only
desert fog to exhale
I wish there were
snowflakes twirling around
the tips of my fingers
yet my nails are already
frozen all year long
and I am unsure
what the cloudy breath
of cold words hanging from
my lips means anymore

winter only whispers;
soft chills and icicles
rattling with my pulse
in the very depths of my bones

winter whispers -
and I am at her will.
all i own is just dust and gold
276 · Jan 2015
teach me
Sarah Jan 2015
god, please
i just want to breathe
in the written and the unsaid
again

teach me
to speak in ink and lines
teach me to
string songs in the silence of the mind
and paint colors in strokes of black
i recognize

i miss tracing rain on paper with the tip of a fountain
pen
i miss painting red at 4 am
i miss hearing thunder at the turn
of a page
i miss screaming truth in margin space

and i miss how these demons are a little
beautiful
when caged between spiral spines
and pretty poetry
begging for writer's block to *******, yes
269 · May 2015
home IV
Sarah May 2015
you're shouting;
i'm freezing

there is a chill caught between
my teeth and trailing up my
shivering arms oh
god you know i can't
breathe when you are spitting
your fire at my feet
and i thought you were the
gentle, the fireplace i wanted to
curl up next to every night until
the frost took me away for the
very last time
right there by your side
warmth i was so terrified of getting
used to because its all so *******
cold

out here where you've
left me to fade away into the
same nothingness, the
same cold i felt under every
shadow of the sun's, everywhere except
when you wrapped me tight
in your arms like
i was a little flower you couldn't bear an
entire winter without

it's always winter in here
the spring never touches my soul
oh god oh god it's so very
cold please
why won't you

let me come home
anymore?
say something
268 · Jan 2015
looking-glass
Sarah Jan 2015
you've never looked
at me like
poetry
to you, these broken
pieces are always
so whole
and maybe these shaking
hands really
are all you've ever
wanted to hold

just lend me your
looking-glass and
I'll be alright
the harvest moon is wicked
268 · Apr 2016
no one
Sarah Apr 2016
it's always just the ink in the end
my fingers are stone and there
is cloud in my blood i think gravity
might have forgotten me
if words could anchor me to
the earth, who would i write for?
i know when youre around
267 · Aug 2014
surrender
Sarah Aug 2014
sometimes all i see is red
and you with your hands up in
surrender

what do you want?
do you want me to tear
you apart?
is that what you
want?

there are minutes, no hours
of the day when the blood
pumping in my veins is destroying
me by the second

i've already torn myself apart
until the rage gives in to surrender
on my knees
and fists still clenching
still itching to destroy you

for still standing there
with your hands in
the air
stop being my ******* punching bag
265 · Dec 2014
on the road
Sarah Dec 2014
you never know where
you're going

if it's your hands on the steering
wheel,
then I'm the one driving you
home

but lately you've been holding me
too close
and you think you can whisper
your smiles in my ear until
I'm wearing my own

but, baby
get your hands off me
and keep your eyes on the road

because my fingers have been shaking
and the map's forgotten under the bed
home isn't the light because
you're not the tunnel
and if I could just stop the car and
pull over -

keep the car
I'll jump off the cliff myself.
where you going hahahah
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