What you're going through is normal
I don't feel normal

You have friends and family that love you and want to help you
I want him

Hurting yourself won't fix anything
That means it can't hurt anything, either

This feeling fades, it goes away
I don't want it to go away

It was a great love
It still is and I'm never letting go

I gave him everything

... Everything?

**Everything.

Not like eggs in a frying pan
Prying them shyly as to not burn your breakfast
It's not like
the leaves as their moisture dissipates
as their color fades
Its spine rolling forward, rolling up onto its edges,
Its legs.
It can be something like
The way a dress fits snugger
On your torso, when it looked so wide, laid flat.
The circumference, the girth, of a moment
Underestimated.

But if even water shrinks when frozen
How much smaller is my mind
when my molecules stop moving,
when my motives less inclined?

I'm not stepping back from ledges
I'm not broken, on the mend
I'm just pulling away from the edges
Pulling away again.

Abiding in tidy quarters
In which space I will confine
But my life is full of hoarders,
Pack things rashly in my mind

Some more obvious, some more subtle
Seems likely I'll never
See through the rubble.
Rational thought can be transferred
Transplaced
Deterred
Through the nostalgia of a *** once stirred

Finding divets of respect
For those who expect me
To level at their self inflicted debt
Is beyond words that come to be

Break the dams down of succession
Find my daily dosed oppression
Is within the people I reside
I can't run, cause they know where I hide.

Move with me; I've moved with you
Contorted into mentalities by body couldn't do
Just to watch you stay untrue
I can't reflex anymore,
I'm deadened to your dramatic lores.

Done waiting for the progress
For reciprocation past due
Cause I'm waiting to wane this fever,
And the antidote's not you.

Don't be acting so sly
I know where your eyes are
They're surveying my life
Reading my poetry, my handwritten strife
They're not all about you but enough to seem off

But you went looking,
Found your place
Of which you'd like to stay
Made a fire from your own self assurance
And a bed for you to lay
With poems so many it's an avid invitation
But isn't complete without your blonde inclination

So read these, I dare you, cause this one's for you
And you'll remember the cornbread
You devoured
And who
We ran into at Westcustago Park
You'll remember the 29th
We had in the month of May
You'll recall each crazy, impossible day
As much as I recall, Mr. Elvankal
And I do, recall them all.

I've checked into a place
Much like this before
The furniture lined with restriction
Woven worries don the upholstery at the floor
It is a waiting room white as tight knuckle skin
Black diamonds adorn the door
There is a small zen garden
In the corner, on a table
Existing but for use as nothing
It contains no sand or rocks or rake
Delicate plant life around the room
But not a drop of soil at its base
A bowl of peppermints, but only for those with
An acquired taste

Familiarity takes a swig
Burns in the tummy
Of the hearth of the room
Only here does the fire stay cold
And only here is the news always old.

If memories take time
Then I'm giving them away,
'Cause all I want's the closeness
Of thoughts from yesterday

If you turn your back to a tree
It falls, and you don't see
Is it different when you return to reality?

It remains that the tree is wood
The cores and rings and fibers still good
But I'm sure that doesn't matter
Because it changed the way it stood

I do my best to be unchanging
To coax you when you fell.
For friendship,I'd even let
You chop me down, as well

But you've sunken into shallow soils
Called these termites all your friends
And though it's your integrity rotting,
My memories have spoiled.

So think about that once again
When I've grown tired, and tough
Because height can give you limelight
But it's the roots that give you love

All I want's a man
To take me out to coffee, that costs too much
Impulsive midnight Wendy's runs
With the alter ego of a natural bed of hair, of which
He is actually obsessed
And will look in anything reflective

Longs for the ocean
But doesn't spend a moment in the water
Wants the sun to warm his skin
But bathes in a bottle of SPF 80
'Cause he knows I'll warm him from within

I won't call our love hotter than the summer we spent
Our temperatures fluctuated faster than the seasons themselves
But we always dressed appropriately
Bundled or shed accordingly
Just to spend our time in the other's climate

Mid-day munchies conquer us both
In different states of mind
Let's hike somewhere
Let's sight-see
Spend somewhere out of your house
Let's take a run at Royal River
Lose hairpins you will keep
Let's spend each waking second together
And in our dreams, while we're asleep

You look better
When you're smiling
Doors of ivory hide unease

Your smile looks better
When your spiraling
Down down chutes of self appease

And I look better
When you're defiling
All the things that live to please.

I can only sweep the same
place so many times
Thrilling, debilitating way to live
Let's debate about which side should give

No, I won't turn my head
To anything other than hair so blonde and
Bones so long
Watch me as I adjust what's mine
I'll push myself while you keep time
So right
So clean


Our tongues frill and jump
As sarcastic formings flee our lungs
Stick it to me
I'm a sucker for a hopeless case
Don't make me chase what's not there.

Wish I had something more to give
Than what is given to me
I'll provide some stale, bland
Day-old bread and some hospitality
Don't be taken at the little eyesight
Conveys when love takes hold
The peripherals that passion gathers
Is the greatest you'll ever know
Your morning breath is perfume
My bubbly laugh is wine
Our three course meal is the sizzling of
Our fingers intertwined

My will is all but cracking
As my threshold strips of pain
And even though it's familiar
It's a joy to be free of the game

The endless nights of fretting
That can now bring me no harm
When I'm encircled in a bed of hope
And my blankets, are your arms.

My hair gets caught in everything and I,
I'll never really learn to sing
I'm alive and all my limbs, their working
I should get it the **** together.

But I forgot to mention how I'm shaped like a square
How my legs will not pass that eight minute mark
I eat til I'm sick and I'm afraid of the dark
I am space unfiltered.

If people are acidic then I am a base,
There's no thing I've not done that is not in bad taste
I'm a good person only cause if not, I'm a waste
I feel jilted.

A casserole of other peoples roaming vices
Not mysterious enough to be considered lifeless
It's not dreadful, or sad
It's not even a crisis

The prescription exists and it says to just fade
Just fade until the ground becomes sky
Not depressing, nor anguished
I've already complied

I'm here to check names and recognize faces.
I'm here to watch people fill their perfect circle spaces.

When the bugs crawl on me I am reminded that I was always earth.
The sticky detritus that folds in nitrogen and small stones
Buds and sprouts that yawn from the loam
Combing my hands through the sharp green shards of grass
I think of how we’re growing at the same time.
Smaller than is visible but large enough to hold between my teeth
To bite down and gnaw through the woody rush stems. Stretching out each strand of reed grass until they’re thin as violin strings.  
How would I live without the harsh air? Or the sun suspending me in a chamber full of fog and soft knowing.
I can’t believe I’m one of them: that I’m made of moss and memories and I live in a pocket of air between the ice float and river flow. Funny how
We’re on one side of the ground or another. There’s almost no difference at all.

I am weak as the sand, as you're taking my hand
Mulling over the times 'cause I'm the maleable kind
Pressing each of my fingertips with intervals here
Folding over like clay as you knead the austere
We were always in love, and always means further than
The now we know is occurring, and what we know is the end
I am falling apart but you say that's alright
'Cause all you need is a beating heart to get through the night

We were always the ones who took a good look around
Heads higher than clouds, but with our feet at the ground
Surveying the world through the eyes of the paired
This is our love, something no one else shares

I held hands with the sun and he said to me
"Why feel you've lost him when you've got memories?"
And those thoughts are so bold they could make their own lives
Have their own kids
Start pointless fights
Pay their own bills
Make their own way
Just like, the memories that we'll make someday.

Sticky fingered clothing clings
Backwards feathered martyr sings
Foamy smiles brush my sides
Strings of fringes clump and sigh

Gaze that wanders
Sweet pause, last longer
Run a tune too many times
Lick the fingers of sublime
Mask your finds
Casually lather up a rhyme.

I cannot fathom a particle
More beautiful than stardust
It builds from core to sediment
To rocks and slabs of ocean floor
The grass that dies and breathes again
The sand beneath my arches

The rubber soles
The air we breathe
The air we share, the air we need
We care for youth until they're meant
To add more forms of sediment
They'll cry, and their babies
Will cry
Not quite out of frustration, but everybody's inclination
And urge to touch the sky

Because we can't breathe this vicious air
We belong to the world up there
Of imploding super nova sights
The nebulas crossing like interstate highways
The traffic of matter holds orbit over all

You can take pride in the life you live
In the air you breathe
In the joy you give
But as for power? Nothing.
Humbled is what you are
Even behind your material goods
You're just the remnants of a star.

I boil alive in the summertime
Feel the fields fold within me
Vast as our climb
I grow restless, grow short
These thin winds wring me dry
I yearn for heat to dowse my worries
Smooth me flat and let me fly

Some find displeasure in warmth
The thick of the air that mops your neck
With the kiss of a season I'd never forget
The exhaustion of heat embosses those
Who struggle with it so
But it lulls you to baste and bake in it's waves
As reminder to let the cold go
To embrace sinking in with intent clear at mind
To assemble, observe
With the thoughts left behind
The world, it goes covered
For months it's at sleep
When its ambiance rolls, it just sings,
"Watch me be."

I know your brain's amuck
With the slush of old snow
Yet within you holds humidity
Thick with memories known.

We've had our bout
Gone our route
Discovered some functions we
Can't live without
Made our spill and soaked the stain
Had our kisses in the rain
Found the grain that splits us quickest
Picked up thick-skinned suits to slip in
I've had alone, we've met before
Yes I've had alone

We made the discovery that had no end
Created a world of pure pretend
Found some mess and made her a lover
But the dirt clings tight and soils and bends
Coy coincidence made me a friend

So let's close the door and never look back
It is fruit of my labor
To taste with the sanity we lack
Attack of the mind may join hands at a time like now
Let's throw our smile at the light and crumble in for a bow
Let us say with certainty that we will never mix
But certainty is only valid
Until I find the fix.

Correct, as the night
So make your choice, is it fight or flight?
High
As a kite
From consistency, it would only seem
That the time is ripe
Just cut it clean

Finding the bind
That will coincide between my mind
You say yours is lost, but mine is fine
A change
In pace
But there's enough sound to go round
Slow down, this ain't a race

Reaching out to teach me doubt
Gave a **** what you're about
Can't make a decent rhyme
So he punches walls
***** it all
Puts me down,
Then he's alright

It would seem only fair
If you'd touch my hair
or maybe there...
Martyr's fine,
but a downer's rare

Custody of my two feet
belongs to you, but they look at me
Say, "where to go?"
So I shift my stance, turn my lungs around
lets my lips say "I don't know."

Push back the gag reflex for this capsule
Blue as pooling engine coolant
Reached for some water, made it faster
Or it will be stuck in my chest all day

How not to let delusion
Elude your feeling for his grasp
Keep you unglued in solitude
To watch your own collapse

Bereft of arms that hold you still
When scrambled minds go underdone
Your their's to pick apart
And some
Your timeline half erased will mill

Perfect as you've made it, you're never far apart
From a brick wall crack
From another attack
In a circle, pass the start.

I will be your listener and follower and friend
Let's brace this narrow slanting hope
Why can't we reach the end?

I will be a lover and a half of every choice
I'll be your biggest listener
When you have lost your voice

I will be allowing and aloof and so alone
Because your love,
Though fleeting,
Was the best I've ever known.

You can't hear me talk, can barely hear me sing
My apologies fall deaf on you and what washes over, stings
I fall head first into your ocean, enveloped in waves of rough cement
But through this capture you are peaceful
My battered form makes you content

It's funny how they call the past, the past,
And not the present
You greet the currency of times with nothing but resent
You tell me you know what I see
Laugh toothily as I fall to my knees
Engulfed with pain deeper, than my own
As I watch you fall steeper

It is impossible to stamp the blame
To disrupt your flawless form
I wouldn't dare to place a mark on you, nor tell you what you've worn
I'll motivate my stiffened mind, though you tell me that I can't
Collective moments form the clog
And I have become the ant

It comes as no surprise that
Your comfort scares me so
Behind each understanding is a reckless anecdote
A fury-littered monologue
A venom worded rant
The apology won't matter
Cause I am still the ant

It's difficult to swallow, though
My pills were hours ago
I softly stroke the future that I know is doomed, but floats
It treads above the water, as buoyant as it can
I guess future doesn't matter
I will always be the ant.

Sunkissed and messy headed
Blessed be that fashion sense
Her tangled mane is a metaphor, a facet
To her mangled brain
Not in the cute black-and-white, scrawled notecard manner
A carved-out, paper cut of a sheet
Crammed in the bottom of her bottle brained backpack

Worse than the weekly
Chic self-harmed hipbones,
She sits and eats and watches the world from the real world clones
The blanket's just hot enough to cook her down
Reduced to the ruched Jovani gown

She's got lists of friends, you have to
Scroll down a page
It even has to load awhile
Then why's your radius clear of anyone?
Pixelated fixtures of her mind, too close to miss her
Too close to care
So close, all they are's aware

Minds drone, like bone picking
Knowing you're the stick in the mud
Warm blood behind a boil, just kicking for
Another tab to click in

She's been braless awhile now
Profiled with purchases levels lapping her current state
She pinches skin impatiently, chocolate scouring her teeth
It's the bitter taste of something so horribly surface
They erase away the beneath.

He looked ahead and said
For the life of me, I cannot recall
A life held just for you
I twisted sour, hurt by the words
That cut
Made me come to

But if it drew me close enough
He'd close the walls and brush my weighty smile aside
He'd say there's too much here to **** out
There's too many shells to find the good inside

So I sit back on my headboard
And think about the times your rational side, touched mine
Let me in
Or how our legs intertwined

I didn't sob a bunch from sadness
But from the intensity that shook my frame loose
Of a direction it should be going in
And the one your heart had in store for us
The latter
Is always the one I will climb

This ground will thaw
And the irrational might touch again
But as long as we keep ourselves in line
I think that I could call you friend.

It's hard to lose
What's still around
To watch the subtle splitting of the seams
Voluntarily squandering dreams

What're you diming up for?
Another so-called "even score"?
Don't fool yourself, don't fool yourself
You've never felt more alone

Why nurse it back to health
If it wants to fly away
So mend them well,
'Cause time will tell
If they'll thank you someday

Help is only living
When the victim gives it breath
Don't take my words
And twist them
Don't try to give them depth

It's true that I'm not in on it
I get that life's unfair
But if I'm the one who's been here
Why are you always over there?

Fall into the hollow feeling
Of giving all the time
Derivatives of my appeal
Will justify a crime

Wrapped in one own's self resent
Relationships are resident
Glance at primer peeling on the ceiling
Rooms are vacant past first floor
Content with not expecting more
Interactions feel like I am stealing

If some could see the sediment
Left of peoples' good intent
Sifting of ignorance
Dry with self exuberance
To kneel and watch it run through my fingers

Make a pact of solitude
The signature will last til noon
Apologies in schema with a meaning
I guess it's just a waiting game
Not that there's anyone to blame
That humankind itself is always fleeting

My senses are extremity
The air is all I taste
It's gritty wise and patient
No inhale goes to waste

My senses are impeccable
My ears will leech the sound
Of a parking car
A healing scar
The growing in the ground

My senses overwhelm me
And touch is what remains
But we can touch eachother because
I know you feel the same.

Time is close the mind is right so
Take the pipe and
Watch it light
Opaque clouds will
Shroud the night
It coats the soul and minds take flight
Up up up
Kite kite kite

Some minds are there while
Here I sit
The wind is strong but the
Bowl is lit
I play my part as a passerby
It's just as fun to see them fly

But it's a fleeting sense of
Wrong and Right
When all they do is
Light light light.

My work is constant
Hands stretched thin but layers remain
Mouth like a cherry
Legs like a train

Won't come back until I know
I'm safe in stacks of moods my own
Small hairs attract

Locomotive listeners tap their feet
Just to bind the memory of a beat
Don't wanna forget but it's so discrete
No rhythm you find is mine or your's

Don't look at me like that again
Wish I could detect the pair of stares I see so often but
It's all a mush these days
And I'm in no rush to stay

Wobbling, finding a stranger rope
Straddling with self confidence
I've got on loan for the next two months

If you need to speak with me I'll be over there
Eating exotic fruit in the shadow of a cause neither lost nor found
It's nice and cool with this overwhelm beating down
Come sit with me and enjoy the air.

I only know my idle shows
When the beads fall down my back
The more I show my colors
The more my favorite's black.

It surrenders to the drain
No symmetry, no pain
And I wonder why
I can't wash away like that
When the people that I've come to know
Would rather
Let their idle show
It paints one of the colors that I lack

If you could drag a brush through time
Smother it, and stroke a line
I'd want it to be solid
And precise

Cause when you soak the paper through
With a wet brush with little hue
You think that I see something
Then it rips, and I see you

Let's skip the part where
You pretend to care
Cause your kind of cruelty's very rare

So with peace of mind
I'll wave and smile
And won't save you from your self denial

The emotion
Of what I've become
Is something of a pendulum
I drift in lows and soar when high
I move, unless disturbed

If you'd like to feel my pressure
Feel the weight of keeping time
You can hold me all you'd like but
Hold me by the chain. At times
It seems like a boundary
But I take precaution
When healthy heart beats tug my core
Because if you hold me
Feel me
Knead me in your hands, you'll find the sharp point
Of what I'm living for

It may seem teasing
Delaying or sly
But I'm messy, so restless
Just test me
Swaying is what I do the best.

Sick and tired
Of being good at looking fine
Where should my heavy head go when I cry?
Not on a shoulder
You're not showing the signs

How odd that it is that
When you talk about your's
And I talk about mine
We're speaking in differing tongues, and times
Mine is far back down the line

Where is my circle of sobbing friends?
My pats on the back,
Or someone other than my mother
To keep me on track
Someone other than a figure
Glasses, sweater
That can trigger progression
Without stripping my family
Of groceries for the week

Where is the understanding
That I was indeed in love
To the point where I panicked
Flew a line
Blew my sanity
And ran it all the way back to what
I must be and remain
Just an awkward, sophomore
Scatterbrain.

You know,
The Brain and Heart will work as one.
And do you know what your life will become?
Pleasant, full, one balanced choice
After another, and another.
But what happens when they battle?
You best hope the heart will win.
Because when it begins? It will feed off your sins.
The guilt will fill you to the brim
Of things that you will never win
You can cry, yell,
You can go around and tell
All your friends
And they'll coax you and pretend
That it's okay, it's just a trend of your
Mind
And you will leave it all behind.
Just distract, interact.
Can't be so bad, just make a pact
With your Body, and forgive, remember the will to live.
Be nice to yourself, you've got flaws
Just like me, just like him.
Only...
We know how to swim.
So if you drown, just let it.
Just let it pull you down.
Because this is a monarch,
and the Mind always wins the crown.

It's riskier than you might think
To mention skin as being "pink"
To a girl that's tried to wash away
The hopeless thought of being gray

Orange is such a pleasant tone
On clothes and walls and college dorms
And lamps,
And fruit,
But coating the pigment of someone's arms?
That's okay,
It's not me they're trying to charm


But it's curious...
Why be afraid?
Of the Sun's
"Terrible",
"Damaging",
"Harmful" rays?
But if skin is preferred oily and white
It's not me who judges for a ghostly sight

But I
As a child of the Sun,
As is everyone,
I could run to and from
The beach
And never bleach
Or dye
A piece of me
Because I know it will reach every crease of me and kiss
My skin,
So warm with bliss
And let the embrace
Brush the plains of my face
And over my skin I let it graze
And leave just a taste of summer's glaze.

If it gave me anything but flickers
I wouldn't be able to breathe
The smog of a fondness gone stale
Goes lazy with the thought of reprieve
If it gave me anything but memories
It would be too tangible to leave
So it moves down and out
With a face full of frame
Waning is my consistency

If I gave it anything but progress
It would shy from all that I've grown
It is sparse
But until these thoughts shake loose from my mind
It's the closest that I have to home.

She's got galaxies between her ribs
And dials in her eyes
She's got liberty and justice lips
She's got lilacs up her thighs

Her knee-high boots say everything
She's unbearable and kind
Her flannel's thin as phillo
But her insides are fleece lined

She walks into a coffee shop
Asks for something extra hot
The steamer screams and the cold milk groans
She stirs until there is no foam.

There's a man, that sits feet away
And he cannot stand the way she plays
With a strand of hair that's been ***** for days

Look at those ugly, misshapen scars
Her body like a project car
Does she think that she's mysterious?
Does she think bad clothes are who she is?

She stands so fast he can't look down
She spots him as she turns around
Sees the recent trace of judgement
So she walks away, and smiles

Just then, his lungs were made of marble
His heart started to rehearse
The story, of how she made
His world a universe.

When you recollect
All you troubles
What do you do, is it all untrue?
Who do you even tell them to?

When someone's driven out the color
The laughter in their days,
I suppose you've chosen the best solution,
And that's to run away

I refuse to stand in the weight of your path
Comprehend your childish math
Could you be more specific,
About whose time you wish to waste?

So spout about your plans
The places you'll be seeing
It could matter less to me
When you have no moral being

I wish that we had exchanged stories
Opened up some long locked doors
But would I even see you?
Would you hide away some more?

I wish someday, you'd come around
Find the problems to address
I once was glad to call you a friend
But now you're a victim, at best.

I'll have my thought-provocative chamomile island
Hold your breath if you'd like
As long as it lasts, I'll pull you to the pools
Where the warmth doesn't sink nor spike
It bubbles with treasure awaiting
Marked as rubble that keeps procreating
These caverns, they'll be warm as a mother's arms
The sea life will smile back, warm
As the breeze that will dry your walk home

This is sand I could sleep on, sand that couldn't exfoliate, it's
Smaller than your pores
The roar of a ******, the waves arching spine
Sighing as the loamy foam symbolizes sweet decline
Rind of the ***** sun
So ripe it could puncture with your own thumb
Heated juices soak the soil
Feed the trees, learn your new roots
Swaying palm leaves lap your back
Laughter breaks out in the mouth of the land

Pigmented petals kiss your core
The trustworthy breeze tucks around your form
Of course you'll be staying, even though you never went
We'll pass our days more perfect than the prior hours spent.

I might make this the year I tell the men in my life when they do something that hurts
Probably not but it’s what I curl up and close my eyes about at night and let soak behind my eyelids into my dreams.
Katahdin is not a volcano. You can’t come into my life whenever you want. The way you forget everything I did for you makes me feel like garbage. I would like you to acknowledge the hurt and not just how I’m reacting to it.
Will it make me a *****? Will you like me anyway? Will you be in the headspace to hear that? Do I care?
I used to say I didn’t make friends with men because I thought they wanted to hurt me on purpose. I think now it’s on accident.
Is that better?
I think this is the year I say something and don’t cover with a joke to make you comfortable
Probably isn’t but I really want that to be true
One day I’m going to wake up and make it so
And with myself intact, my day will go on

My time would be running if it had a place to hide
Filmy ridges of my interest bids to fly in the riptide
Back of the bug encloses and traps
Outside the warm inferior chance to fly
Mind filed down like narcotics in the spoon
Melted just above 232
She drops it in the drain
And knows why so she holds today's paper like fine phyllo
Her ceiling looks like pepper
Her floor dry as bone

It's not a good sweater without the holes,
Artistic and shapely, the sleeves sewn for show
The leather of your sailing shoes gone

I think that you might notice
That I may have gone too soon
When you stumble upon houses with not enough doors
And too many empty rooms

I think it might hit you
When you walk past my swung open door
With no warmth to the core
With no bags on the floor
So I'm not the coldest thing that you knew

Honestly, it'll hit you
When the carpets unvacuumed for days
"It's so messy," you'll say
Like this is fixed with a broom
How's that house with no windows,
And too many rooms?

I don't fill my days with nothingness
I don't sleep until noon
For air, I crack the windows
And I rearrange the rooms

And it's fine by me
If you think
I can't leave a minute too soon
Someday I'll return, won't look through your windows,
Someday I won't want a room.

Miss the crying
Miss the lies
Miss the tying binds of lives
Entwined
So forever yours,
And mine

Miss the roughness
Of masculine taste
Of feminine want
Of lust long erased
Of a smoldering fire
That we never replaced

To find something new
Is impossibility
Is there a box where you hold
My discretion, my sanity?
My illusions?
Me?

With my head all the way under I can hear it
The drain from the overflow
My lengthy breaths like brush strokes
The tinny crack of a joint in the vacuum, in the lone lake of one
The closest I’ll ever be to a sea monster
Not in a legend way, but in the way I’ll never be as still
I’ll bring my hand up and over, ride with the mist up out of the four rounded walls
The archipelagos of my body are many. They don’t all fit beneath the surface
I wonder if islands feel fractured, vulnerable and sparse
Or if they feel fortunate to be earth and sea
The water always tinges green, from my hair, no matter how many washes I’ve done
Like the way a green glass wave might be harnessing the sky
All I’m missing are rocks to tumble and coast to encroach on
Then I might feel what it means to watch something soften
Then maybe I’d know what it means to watch something roll under me so easily I don’t even notice as it leaves.

I learned of insecurities
The day I learned of birds and bees
They're a pair, but not together
This was just coincidence

Painted nails
Garage sales
Cheating males
And giving my two cents

I feel the heel of doubting hate
Hold me down
But hesitate.
The distinction between
Stop and
Wait
Astounds me
Surrounds with a feeling like

Is there a lost that knows the way?

If she let it hit her
At a run or at a crawl
She would feel it the same way,
She'd feel it not at all

Some taste life on their tongue
In purples, reds and golds
But by the time she swallows it
It's aleady gone old
She reaches not for sweet
Not rare or medium well
How can you have a preference
When you can't even tell

Sometimes
It hits her like a wave
It crushes her, she's scared
That is until she realizes
She doesn't even care

If a piece of paper folds 7 times,
She'll fold over 8.
If everyone has their time and place,
Then it looks like she'd be late

'Cause life fits her into places
She didn't know she'd go
And people gave her knowledge, she didn't
Know she'd know
But when molecules
of thoughts and dreams
Don't look anything, like you thought they'd seem
Then what is your life made of?
That's whens she feels nothing

I wanted an afternoon
An afternoon was all
A stroll through distraction
Some paintings on a wall

All I wanted was an ornament
To brighten up a room
Instead I bought a boquet
One for me, one for you

It's temporary
Yes it is
To hang in windows and dry
But what a beautiful, lingering way to go
What an excellent way to die

I set out on certainty to
Find myself a blend
Life's a dash,
A one line race
So let your fingers touch the end

Toss your hair and bend the straight
Don't color in lines and out-run fate

Learn that a race is only won when there's two
And learn that though there's anyone, there will always be you

So sure.
Make sense of the theories you'll never define
But I won't trust anyone
Unless that anyone's mine.