The honeybee attempting to overwinter by the window sill ,
the same one that sparked the growth and fruition
of our Summer Squash hills ....
Filled our trellis with delicious cucurbits and Roma tomatoes ,
brought life giving pollens to our Pattypans , Crooknecks
Butternuts and Acorns ..

the other day I was approached by a friend when she asked
"what happened to you?"
and my mind just panicked as if I was holding in some sort of mysterious secret that I couldn't allow anyone to know and all I could do was stare blankly
following this question my frail body stormed to look in the mirror as I wondered why I don't see certain things anymore
I constantly think about where those pieces of myself drifted off to so I just could not answer her
God, why couldn't I just tell her how I feel like I can see that girl standing directly ahead of me and I'm reaching out to her with open arms inviting her into my embrace but she does not want to be held any longer because she no longer likes affection shes cold  and shes still afraid to be grasped by any sort of warm touch
why didn't I have the stomach to tell her that that girl standing in front of
me is not willing to spring joyfully back to her creator as she does not have the physical capabilities she used to
do you see her?
am I the only one who can see?
the tendons in her legs are diminished and she can not even fully draw open her eyes
and she cannot see me
she is losing
she is losing
she is losing
she is dead.

On vulnerable days of anguish , frequently addressing the quilt
of blessings drawn at each window ...
Panes of glass , promising patterns hemmed with creative , understanding hands , the patchwork color of my isolation from the outside world , encased in the promise of light , viewed from the opaque clench of desperation ..

At this hour I know it's to late.
For writing and thinking.
Being restless mind spinning.
Words keep on chasing.
Heartbeat is racing.
Controlling my breathing.
In bed so revealing.
I should be dreaming.
Under warm blanket
so appealing.
Eyes are almost closing.
I find myself dozing.
Sweet dreams
before I am sleeping.

I stand here in the cold.
With the wind in my face.
My hands in my pockets.
My feelings unvold.
So quiet so beautiful.
Morning light so
untouchable.
Breathing slow as
I'm ready to go.
Leaving this flow.
Wish I could stay.
Hope you will have
such a lovely day.