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My hands are stained with ink,
the blood of a thousand words never uttered.
My fingers seep blackness,
their paper-skin tips tattered and burned
from contact with the forbidden muse:
myself, my mind, my soul.
Formless words coat my skin,
up to the elbows in thoughts
that should never have passed these vile lips.
Bittersweet poison on my tongue
escaping through my teeth.
I'm kneeling in a dark, spreading pool—
a crime scene—
and yet my gaze is blank.
As blank as my still-empty page.

h.f.m.
 Apr 2018 Richard Reid
Indigo
You are self aware that love is your way of saving a life.

Remember the ex who was suicidal
Then the one with father issues
The one with loneliness the size of the sky
The one with a thousand scars on his arm
That one who was an introvert
The one who was an addict
The one who had depression for breakfast
And the one who loved self harm

Who saves you when realize you don't know how to love?
All that was empathy
All that was sympathy

All these boys you wished to save
But never did
All these boys you wished to save
But left in the end
All these boys you wished to save
But killed instead.
This is not a poem in the true sense of the word, but rather expressing feelings and thoughts that haunt my head during this time of my life.. And that is the essence of poetry i believe.
 Apr 2018 Richard Reid
Sam
Every night I end up thinking
Of why the world did this to me
I have never understood the meaning
Of how on earth this could be

Why, oh why am I so upset?
Because all I feel is pain and misery
My body gives me existential regret
Why I was born this way will always be a mystery

Disphoria is full of dark thoughts
About how people can tell that I'm fake
I always wish this body would just rot
And reveal a new one that I won't hate

I don't have normal body issues
I just wish my chest was nonexistent
I have to reach for the tissues
To wipe away my tears of existence

Some boys are born with comfort
I was one of the unlucky few
I was born unready and contort
And there's nothing I can do

I'm so unhappy that it's scary
I feel like there's no escape
And not just my sadness or wary
But from my horrible, disphoric mindscape
Disphoria is a big part of my life. It's not one I want but I might as well express it.
depression depression depression

Stop it.

Leave.

I is me and
you are you.
Seperate from identity
yet your lies root to my core.
I can't help but listen as
gravity gradually seems heavier
and
heavier.

You can feed on me
that's fine.
Distort my reality
and take my smile.
But you will never take my hope.

The endless source behind the
Truth
Of my soul.
You'll never cease the
I in me.

So form each woe,
but forever is my soul.
Endureth this universe.

Go ahead.

Take me.

depression depression depression
 Mar 2018 Richard Reid
Ciel Noir
What other kind              of creature could divide        
        Each different thing             into its different sides                
  With chaos versus             order, dark and light
The stark duality of         wrong and right
We even split the very        world in two
With human versus human,       we and you
But still no matter how much      we divide
Each thing has infinitely many      sides

— The End —