Sometime I can't breathe
Sometimes they all turn against me,
Well most times that is.
They fight me, insult me putting me to shame.
Just because I don't have cuts on myself they put me to corners, Using every form of abuse they can.
But the problem is they don't see me pop on these pills every night.
But forget about that I'll be alright.

I've got zolpidem and eszopiclone to take me to an unstable utopia.
Some prozac to help keep this smile.
I've got my best friends by my side.
So you can keep on ******* with me because I ain't got no cuts on my skin.

I guess not enough painkillers can take away a broken heart.

I've got my heart on my hands.
Not on a sleeve because I want you to see it properly.

But lately its invisible to your eyes. 
It's just not there when to you.

Let me tell you how it is.
With each silence a crack opens up.
With each moment with you the crack opens up and turns into a hole.
Within that hope, my heart is spitting endless pain.
It's beat is slow and unsteady, but in the sense that it wants to stop.
Because it hurts.

With each blood that drips off my palms leads to tears forming.
My hands are shaking.
My mind is working overtime trying to reduce the pain.

But it hurts.
It hurts so much that I pray for numbness.

I don't think I understand where I went wrong?
I've been trying to figure it out.
And I'm not seeing it because it's been my motive to make you smile and happy but it feels like all these attempts are breaking me.

"You're so cute", she giggles.
"Yes I am", I stand up and flex my muscles.
"Liking my boyfriend and ****", she blushes and looks to the clouds.
"I mean if he makes you happy then bruh heck yea", I flex my muscles again.
"I'm afraid he does...", she let's the words linger and sighs.
I Furrow my eyebrows and look at her, "You're afraid?" 
"Ee mma (yes ma'am ) ", she looks at me then returns her sight to the clouds.
I look to the clouds as well, hoping to see or read further into what she's saying. 
I see the grey clouds, bland looking, filled with so much mystery, so many questions, will it rain, will it not rain. 
I look back at her, "That he makes you happy?, kana I might be reading a tad too much into this"
She laughs,"I am, what are you picking up?"
I chuckle nervously,"‎That maybe you actually mean that this vast amount of happiness is scary and you don't know what to do with it". 
Her ****** expression changes  and her eyes glow with wariness, "Yes, exactly".
"I think you should enjoy it or something? I mean remember how we had a conversation and we don't truly believe in it. I think like just embrace it, I don't know how though", I scratch my head shrugging.
She looks at me and gives me a sad smile, "I'm enjoying it.. but kana 'monate o hela ka bosula' (Good things always end badly)", she sighs.
"That is so true. I mean I don't think we can ever be ready for that so I can't tell you to prepare yourself or always expect the unexpected because regardless of how it is it will always be unexpected. But according to Buddhist or monks they believe that if you imagine the bad to happen then it'll hurt less, I mean sure it may hurt like a ***** but it won't hurt like a ******* as it was", I look at her and smile
She looks to be in deep though, "Hmn. Monks or Buddhist are smart", she smiles back at me.
"Yea", I grin and look back at the clouds

I'm addicted to you.
That is the truth and the only truth.

Like the hard drugs you take the pain away.
You take it all away and fill it with the warmest touch.

Maybe what they say is true, maybe you're not good for me. 
Maybe you're bad for my system.
But they need to understand that you're my first Fey.
I remember our first touch in the winters day.
Your warmth invaded my hands, travelling down my spine creating the most surreal goose bumps.
I remember our first kiss, It was bitter but in the sense that I couldn't get enough of you. The way you Tasted and the way you smelled. 
The way you trickled down each part of me.
I love how everything seems to just disappear with you, I have the best laughs, the best conversations, the heated moments of just pure bliss and ecstasy.

They say you're no good for me.
But compared to the others they keep their mouths shut.

You're my addiction Fey,
You're the Caffeine that keeps me up.
I'm at  my highest with you.
My lowest without you because the reality that surrounds me is pain. 

You're my addiction Coffee.
My one and only escape from this Coffee.

Laying underneath the ***** brown tree I pause.
I hold on to my beating heart and look at you.
Memorising your features from your almond eyes,
To the freckles on your cheeks,
To the pearly whites of yours. 

A smile slowly forms as I feel the heart on my hands beat ferociously.
As I see the holes and cracks in it slowly close.
As I watch the darkness being overwhelmed by light.

I close my eyes just to heighten my senses.
To be able to hear your breathing.
Slow and steady breaths. 
Heart thumping with the rhythm of my own.
Talking in morse code.

I pull my arms out and open my eyes.
I look at the red, muscular object.
Beating hard.
I sigh and look at you.
Almond eyes watery.

"This is my heart, it's not much but this is it. 
You're probably wondering how I'm able to breathe but as long as my heart beats in rhythm and harmony with yours, I'm alright"

You're my Eve and I'm your Wall E