in the end,
we're all
reduced
to
                                                                                
                                                                           *"time of death"

дали сме просто в скоби,
или пред нас стои
самотна запетайка,
дали сложихме тире -
или тихата войнишка
удивителна,
или пък хлъзгав и
извит като котешка
опашка въпросителен
знак?
бих избрала точка - запетая;
но може би от теб и мен,
от нас,
остана просто малка
и незабележима точка.

*(а ще ми се да беше
недовършеното многоточие... )

скитаме из
пустите улици,
полу-изгубени,
но открили себе си
ръка за ръка,
и луната
със своя полунощен,
блед и леко изнурен
лик
осветява лицата ни
и пръстите ни
неразделно преплетени
и не мисля,
не мисля за нищо;
а нощта е
непохватни целувки
и отекващи стъпки,
и смеха ни,
кънтящ в нищото,
и приключения на
върха на езика ми,
и надежда,
и ти.

скитам из
пустите улици,
напълно изгубена
без ръката ти в
моята,
и луната
със своя полунощен,
блед и леко изнурен
лик,
някак иронично-подигравателен
осветява тротоара,
болезнено празен
без теб до мен
и призракът на пръстите,
някога преплетени с моите,
е ледено студен
и ужасяващо истински,
и болезнено-сладко-горчив
в своята безплътност,
и не мисля.
не мисля за нищо;
а нощта е
тишина,
а въздухът е празен
с някогашен
полу-забравен смях,
и отекващи стъпки,
но само моите този път,
и щастие, превърнато
в пепел на върха
на езика ми,
и надеждата вече я няма,
май ти ми я взе,
е, май съм
*с а м а

i found something
on my skin.
oh look,
fingerprints
there where you'd
touched me!

i found something
on my lips.
oh look,
bitemarks from
when you kissed me.

but when i looked
at my heart
searching for
something else you'd left
i couldn't find it.

i guess you were
charging for
your kisses
and the price was
too much for me to pay.

you left behind plane tickets
in my wallet
because when we were on
that plane
we were one
and like a wife
I kept your belongings.
you left behind train tickets
all over my room
in my purse
and in cupboards
to awake memories
whenever I find them.
you left behind
a Walkman,
a pair of earphones.
a bracelet.
a book.
gifts from your mum.
a bunch of photos.

I left behind
pieces of paper
with my heart
laid out on them
naked and
entirely yours.
I left behind
a watch.
a bracelet.
My scent on your
red sweater.
A bunch of photos.

I wonder if you deleted
all our pictures.
I wonder if you threw
away my letters
like you deleted me
like you threw my
love away.

I hate you because I love you.
I hate you because you left me.
I hate you because now I have no one
to hold my wrists and tell me not to.
I hate you because there's no one
I trust half as much as I trust you.
I hate you because you walked away
without thinking about the mess you
were leaving.
I hate you because you forbade me
to cut and you made me promise not to.
I hate you because you took my two
sources of relief - yourself and cutting.
Did you realise you were ruining me?
Do you know I have nothing now?
I hate you but I love you
and I wish I could break promises
like you do.

let's hold hands,
our fingers entangled,
your sweaty palm
pressed against mine.
let's sit on the steps,
your jacket wrapped
around my shoulders,
while i read aloud.
let's walk down
the streets,
casually pushing
each other
with laughter at the tip
of our tongues.
let's drink coffee
from paper cups
with milk and too
much sugar.
let's feed each other
pizza and lick
each other's fingers
afterwards.
let's cuddle
under tons of blankets,
our limbs a tangled mess,
humming a song
hoarsely and off-key.
let's watch a really
terrible movie
and then
a really great one.
let's tickle each other
breathless
and then lie
on the floor,
tummies aching with
laughter.
let's spoon on the
couch, your nose
nuzzled in my neck.
let's read poetry to
each other and
then
make out,
finishing each other's lines
between the kisses.
let's watch the stars
and kiss hungrily
under the night sky.
let's waltz to
alternative rock
and **** to
heavy metal.
let's get drunk on
a Tuesday,
let's cook breakfast
and dinner
and lunch.
let's sleep through
the entire Sunday.
let's hold each other
while we cry.
let's go the woods,
let's climb a mountain.
let's live
and
laugh
and
love.