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Some days there is an ache
That ripples through my soul like an echo in an empty cave.
Where it started, I'll never know
But it seems endless on my empty days.
Tiny necklace locket
resting on a rock
it
gleams in the sun
next to necks that met a gun.

I wonder why they left
they
left my soul bereft
of the dreams I wish to hold
oh, the story's growing cold.

They were dreams!
My dreams!
Whose do you think they were?
I was the one with all the youth.
You put your hopes on my shoulders,
didn't you?
So why did you leave me?!
It's not my fault I forgot the
dreams...

The colors run from my face
and twist and turn
down
down
the drain
leaving stains that
I wish
were the mark that I'd be
satisfied with leaving on the world,
but
no one appreciates a colorful drain.

Even when the end of your life
is a paradise
does that justify the hell you've been through!
Don't you wake up
in the heat of summer
sweating
and wish the nightmares would just pour out, too!
Why is it that the biggest fish,
in the nets of our minds
are the angler fish and the puffer fish?
Terrifying and poisonous.
Rancid and unappetizing, because we leave them
out in the sun
afraid to touch our own dysfunction!

What justice is this?
My father wasn't father enough!
Why did he sleep all day?
When he died, didn't I already know he was dead?
Did I experience a déjà vu no more feeling than it was a jagged knife?
Am I dead too?
Is that why I think this is hell?
Is that why I wondered if there are souls? The confusion borne by still being flesh and blood, yet being so ghostly that I couldn't scratch the itch of my bleeding soul.

Justice? If you cry inside, does anyone hear you scream?
Can you?
Only when it's too late.
The last drop of the blood of your soul spent.
Mortgages! Taxes! Insurance! Loans! Employment!
Yes, please, they're all a merciless enjoyment!
A ceaseless tickling of agonizing fun.

What choice do we have?
The choice to tell those who tell you, to tell those to tell that person,  and on and on that it's enough!
We're tired of being told money is life-blood.
Why should my ability to live be based on how much dead tree you've been siphoning from the life of the planet I am worth? Am I a resource?
I'm sure that's in your audit, isn't it?

Citizen #11899382280 is complaining again, send him back for conditioning. Advertise some more bacon and send him to the hospital again so he's distracted, this will distract his whole family. We'll advertise a specific hospital he should go to to them so they feel compelled. When he's at that specific hospital, we'll shorten his life as our insurance. His family will think he's graying because of the stress of the heart attack, but it's really the drugs, which always look the same, yet are increasingly more destructive. We'll send Lawyer #448322783 in to talk about his retirement and will. The family has requested him, but Lawyer #448322783 works for us. Lawyer #448322783 will edit the will to suit our intentions. Once the will is arranged, we will increase the life-shortening medication, which will, in and of itself cause complications. We will introduce a catalyst to forego the critical time we have to avoid his otherwise impending and damaging insubordination. When Citizen #11899382280 is dead, we will retrieve the damaging and insubordinate files from his HelloPoetry.com account and erase his existence. Were he alive, he would find this poem ironic that his emotions, being a matter of the heart, led to a death that was a matter of the heart.

From the heart,
Your loving government & your ****** life
Pain and suffering.
The face of our existence.

I hope you've enjoyed this.

DEW
I've read a post on facebook about a girl who committed suicide. As per the narrator, she was a good person, a good leader, a good friend and as they can see a perfect daughter. But little did they know that she was suffering because of her parents. Her parents were dissappointed because she was not intelligent enough to graduate with flying colors, the pressure was too much that she wasn't able to carry it all. So she ended it all by taking her life away.


It makes me sad whenever I hear/read stories like that. Sometimes, I think that they are so brave, but sometimes I think they are just stupid to do it. But who am I to judge??

And to all the parents, you are suppose to know, support and understand your children, not to chain them and definitely not to cause them to die..

this is my personal opinion, so an advance apology for the sensitive topic
I don't want it to happen to everyone else in here, so please if you are suffering from depression, anxiety or any disorder, please talk to me. I may not ease or lessen the pain/burden, but trust me, it will feel so much better to let it out.
 Dec 2016 Raul Zamarripa III
OD
My heart and brain are at war and they are both slowly destroying me
And maybe it was supposed to end like this.
Maybe right when I figured out what I was feeling you were supposed to move on.
Maybe
- it doesnt hurt any less.
You claim to need me,
but lately I feel us drifting.
You claim to care,
but you dont even see me breaking.
Im holding everyone together,
stitching up everyones wounds.
Im trying to glue you all up,
patch up every hole smooth.
Im trying to keep everyone
-from falling to pieces.
But me?
Im already shattered on the floor.
Nobody notices,
Im losing myself in all your tears.
Im losing myself in everyones fears.
Maybe you will see it,
the way my eyes glisten,
the way my body trembles.
Maybe you'll notice the black holes
in place of my eyes,
lack of sleep,
death.
I hope so,
I hope somebody see's.
I hope somebody cares enough to mend me up.
For now I just keep losing myself,
in everyone else.
12/15/16 @ 3:30 am.
I have got a soft spot for you.
It is icky and full of goo.
I imagine it is a certain type of blue.
Maybe of a lighter hue.
My insides have caught the flu.
And my heart took up a coup.
You became my guru.
Allowing sentiment to shine through.
My cynicism was able to subdue.
Something like magic, almost voodoo.
I hope I'm not too taboo.
Darling, I just love you.
It isn't impossible for me
To shut it down
To be alone completely

Even in this crowded sea
I could die that way eventually
Only tears slide silently
Down my chin from rosey cheeks

You easily show me what would never be
You give me glimpses just to tease
So maybe I think I should die lonely
And no, it wouldn't bother me
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