As far as I can remember
it's always been the same.
Surrounded by clubs and members,
but alone always I remain.

I've had friends, I've had lovers
and laughter with my loved ones,
yet from this loneliness I can't recover.

It's not that complicated.
It hurts when you're alone,
but from people surrounded.
It makes me feel undone.

As a kid time wasn't the same,
a day feelt like forever
and everything was a game.

Now I'm a ****** up adult,
in a world fast and insane,
the game now feels so occult.
Why does everything feel so strange?

Life feels like a weird insult.
Why did all things have to change?
Change is good they'll say to me,
but my craving still remains.

I'm sick of the fall
when I try to fly
I'm sick of the let-downs
and regular goodbyes

I'm sick of the lying
scheming and deceiving
sick of depression
illness and under-eating

I'm tired of living
in a misshapen society
I'm tired of myself
and my constant anxiety

I can't help but think
if I just slipped away
would anyone care
or ask me to stay?

For he says I'm his love
then leaves the next day
meets another dreadful hook-up
and presumes I'm okay

Well, I'm done with the deluding
I'm done with the cheating
I'm done with my heart
and I'm done with its beating.

the moon rises slowly,
and it makes my heart sink.
because the darkness knows all of
the thoughts that I think.
I fall 'sleep blaring music,
to get them out of my head.
but they've already crept through,
the sheets of my bed.

they torture my mind,
every night, every week,
when they whisper to me,
fantasies that I seek.
they chuckle a laugh while
I awake with a shriek.
now you know why at night,
I try hard not to sleep.

I should've guessed, I should've known.
If there's a lightning, thunder will come.

That I was a guest, this wasn't my home,
but I was just too afraid to be alone.

Winds might change after tomorrow
and the sea my pain could somehow swallow.

But today there's this mountain of sorrow,
that blocks the sun, and makes me feel hollow.

I'm exhausted from this rutine,
I need for my soul some medicine.
With a slow pace time passes.
Am I a sheep among the masses?

Every day at six I'm awake.
Portal quote; don't believe the cake.
So why don't I just walk away?
We both know I will, but not today.