their eyes were the
shattered kind,
flecks of pain
and happiness
mixed together
as one. sort-of like
a paint by numbers,
yet way more
complicated with
multiple hidden points
of depth, of history,
the stories begging
against the steel
lining of their minds,                
almost like prisoners
waiting for freedom.
no stories come out though,
because if the stories,
the memories, the pain,
if it were allowed to
come out, then everything
would fall apart. the
very weak bond holding
the gates to their agony,
would burst into
small, disorientated, fragments
of years trying to forget
what happened, and all
that perished long ago
would rush furiously to
the forefront of their mind
like a riptide. all the torturous
thoughts they've worked
so hard to repress
would come back to haunt
them in the worst
of ways...

he would start
to love her again, and
she would start to drown.

i am terrified of the things you come up with when your alone.

            your sweet words fool everyone around you

you remember your first love like it just happened yesterday

        and i remember the look in your eyes when you told me about it like its my only memory i have left to hang on too of you

         maybe someday you'll understand why im so afraid of you
        
                 its not your actions,
     its not being afraid that you don't love me to the extent that i love you, or even the way you say my name like its the last thing that you have to save you;
from yourself

          a comparison of those things would be quite unrational in all actuality

                 what am i scared of?
         im so scared,
so deathly afraid,

                              of your mind.

    of the way your eyes shimmer in the darkness.

       ive never been so speechless because of a person.

     never so embarrassingly speechless

               about a persons drowning midnight blues,

        or the way someones lines in their hand connect on the right side perfectly coming to a cease beside
their black painted fingernail

            or so in love with one single freckle that rests right in the middle of someones
rosy left cheek

   never in my life have i ever been so petrified of a single
tear drop
escaping someones so heartbroken,
but yet so lovely sea colored eyes

        and never had i moved as fast as i did,
when i lifted my shaking hand to your face to wipe away that trace of sadness that knocked all of the breath out of my body

im scared not because its no longer about me,

         im scared because your the first thing that has ever made it no longer about me

as winter sets in
village chimneys belch their smoke
more prevalently

Decrypted Version:


We both knew what we did to each other was out of revenge

You're in the next city over, and she is here, making me feel again

Staying up in an Adderall talking fervor, and the passionate love we made the second night

and there was Mike, singer of that band named after the local graveyard, passing out expensive beers

I never want to call you, oh center of my universe

But every day, before you left for school, I would, ridden with guilt

I never wanted to leave my room again. Alone I stayed in fear.

-

Every time you left for vacation, I felt like I would *****

A paradise on the beach along the Carolina shore

You said you wanted to be single and free

Your March birthday rolled around, I was gone, and you were just alone

You left the girl I love at that beach with the charming fellas

You brought back something far worse, and numb

-

You've found a new love, and I've seen how he tries to out do what I did

The words and promises of us that you drew all over your walls now painted over

Now that you and your family have left that place

Megan wrote on your ceiling the night we all stayed together. It made you laugh

I'm in your backyard, wishing I could look back and in.

-

The new love in your life has become a perfect copy of me. You sculpted him that way

You know longer feel weak when an insult comes rushing to you

I really did make you tough and numb

Because no one could say anything more vile than I did

-

I guess this really is the end for us

We'll never see that spark we had reunite

I can't replace you, I don't want to replace you

-

Were the three years we spent together a waste?

I'm descending into another deep hole

-

I'll never come out again.




Original Version (Which is still available on my page):


An eye for an eye was the reason we acted

You’re so far away and I can’t stop the fireworks

Talking the night away, the exhausted second meeting

A sip of ale from the singer in the graveyard

I never wanted to call to the Sun

But every morning I would cave in

I buried myself in an empty room

-

The trips were acidic to my tongue

Beaches filled with trinkets and sands

“Fish swim, forever free” you tell yourself

Now, Pisces, who is the one swimming?

Buried in the sands is what I remember

The other half is lost

-

Am I the one to defeat now?

The words that stained the walls are now sparkling white

Abandoned

“Now close you eyes and sleep” she wrote

I’m somewhere between the ponds and the highway

-        

The mimics and shadows match suit and play their roles

The words do no sting or stick

Tough as leather, from the arrows

That flowed from me like a river

-

This product is finished

Ignition improbable, idiot.

No courage and hardly a motive

-

Triplet years

Falling backwards

-

My head is buried

I have a friend
whose world is falling apart
she feels as if someone is tearing at her heart
and thats not the worst part

the worst part is no one noticed
no one saw she was hiding behind glass walls
and we didnt care
stare
wonder
or even try
long enough to notice

I have a nother friend
who i knew was hurting when I saw her
I tried to get into her heart
see the real her
when i did i felt amazing

I wish i could say the same about my other friend
but shes not listening
she is so caught up in trying not to cry
trying to stay strong
but crying is what she had to do all along
she is hurting yet no one cares enough to listen
she is dead
and no one checks her for a pulse
she is no longer living
and now no one cares
she is dead on the inside
shes scared
but she doesnt have a mother to comfort her
and her fathers never home
she doesnt have a friend to lean on
because no one looks at her close enough to know
she has no where to go
but inside
and she never lets it show
in the words of frozen
its time to let it go

she whispered to me
while bodies lay asleep
under the cool crumbly dirt

"I sharpened my knife
especially for your back.
I hope you appreciate it,
my dear."

words
are the blood
in my thin
yet bulging
                              veins.