As the night carries on
And the beautiful laughter comes to an end
The people who once filled my hearts with joy
Only fill my head with emptyness
The flowers that once grew
Are dead
And as I lay in my bed
Close my ears
Shut my eyes,
I cry
To another sleepless night.

It feels like just yesterday i was

laughing and running through feilds of

wild flowers with friends.

But now im just in an empty room,

flipping through photographs of what

life used to be, it feels like it was just

yesterday, but sometimes it feels like

its been so long that my hairs gray and

my skin is so worn it should break

apart at any moment spilling my

insides all over this empty room, blood

droplets staining those past memory photographs.

Its Christmas Eve,
My mom is screaming
My dad is loving
My family has come
Only to judge
They say we love you
But under their small breaths they whisper
"Because i have to"
They wont except our differences
My mom shouts
The alcohol a little to strong
She weeps
The tears fall on my shirt
Telling me Christmas is ruined
Shes drunk all the time now
Crying a little to loud,
A little too much.
She tells me shes sad,
The sadness consumes her body,
Maybe its spreading,
And i think im catching.
Christmas is ruined
Family means nothing
Being together just isn't important
Maybe life will end soon
And peace will return again.
Am i the problem?
Are you the solution?
Christmas is ruined.

I was the type of person
To grasp onto things to tight
The kind of girl who never told her secrets
And kept her mouth shut
So pain couldn't seep into her crevices
Unable to release my grip
Even when it didn't seem right
My fingertips would ache
But I thought it was worth the pain
I used to overthink everything
That if I lost something
I would lose pieces of myself
Then suddenly I would become someone
My heart didn't even recognize
When I lost myself upon the sea
I thought the ocean would slowly drown me
Instead, just like an angle gets its wings
I started to lift
From under the deep ocean floor
I rose from the dead outside my grave
And although the walls were caving in
I started to breathe again
When all is lost, I thought I was the girl who couldn't find her voice
Who was to afraid and full of fear
To tell you her deepest regrets.
I have come to realize
That she was me,
But I am filled with life
Still holding on a little to tight.

Her name is an oceans wave
Or a tree that creaks when it sways in the wind
Its the church bells chimming together in sweet harmony from a distance
Its the singing songs of wildlife in the depths of the unknown forests

Shes a girl with brown eyes with golden specks.
Long brown hair always kept straight at the ends.
A body that everyone dreams of having, when you see her you can hear the crowd catch thier breath as she walks into the room.
All eyes on her.

She has the voice of the lullabys your mother sang to you when you were five.
She has healing hands, just as Snow White she makes everything come alive
Each footstep she takes you can see the grass grow greener and the flowers turn colors rather than black and white.

She makes sunsets look like rainstorms, and mountians look like hills.
She has laughters filled with grief and sorrow printed across her teeth.
She has this blue cloud radiating from her body, you can feel her when shes not even touching you.

Her cries are filled with dread, all the thoughts that swarm her head. Death seemed like a way out, but she couldn't bear the pain of her mother at her funeral.
Her grandparents died in the beginning of sixth grade, she said to me that one day they will come knocking on the front door saying they had a lovely trip.
She sees them in the butterflies that fly and the trees that spoke. She sees them in herself.

She has cuts on her arms and three on her thigh, i remember asking her why.
I graze them every now and then, but she doesnt seem to notice, my heart burns and breaks each time i see them.
She has eyes that sparkle but heavy bags that show her pain.
I never got an answer to my question why, just a shy smile and shake if her head.
Shes always been mysterious, never speaking the whole truth. But never confessing to a lie

She is beauty in a sunrise and she is beauty in a thunderstorm.

Weeping willow trees
Surround the grass beneath my feet
Sun rays
Blind my eyes with a soft haze
White Dandelions dancing
Cover the pain of suffering
Carved writings
Remind my head of past memories
Under the falling leaves
Words spill out of my eyes
Onto the book of lies
Thoughts of death
Contained by the strive of full filling life
Everything is ethereal

He is everywhere
The places I eat
The places I sleep
The cigarettes I smoke
The music that plays
The stars at night
The clouds in the sky
He is everywhere
But I can't see him

I'm afraid of not being enough
Of laughing to loudly at corny jokes
Of reeking to much of the cigarettes I smoke

I'm afraid of not smiling as much
Of crying and black tears staining your sheets
Of giving you everything

I'm afraid of a broken heart
Of never being able to put back the pieces
Of lying helpless on your chest unable to speak cause my lungs have finally collapsed

I'm afraid of that spark I feel when your lips are on mine
Of that sudden electricity running through my spine
Of all the butterflies in my stomach turning to spiders

I'm afraid of loving you
But I'm tired of being afraid

Sometimes I think I can see your name written in the stars
Spelling the sound of your voice
That lingers in my mind
Stars align just perfectly enough to tell me that your still here
When a gust of wind brushes the hair out of my face
I can feel that it's you trying to tuck loose strands of hair behind my ear
Everytime it rains the drops on my windowsill play the melody of your favorite songs
I said goodbye to you when they buried you deep under the earth
With the dirt and all the flowers
But you never said goodbye to me
Instead you said I'll be there soon

I'm stuck somewhere between hopless romantic and cold-hearted cynic.

I crave you,
Your like an addiction
Like a pack of cigarettes
A small blue pill
A shot of Alcohol
You've crawled your way under my skin
You've dug a hole deep into my heart
Making it ache when your not touching me
Making it break when your not holding me
You've made my lungs squeeze for air when you grab my hair
You've made my insides burst with fire when you say my name
You've made my blood race through my body like an ocean wave
I crave you
Your like an addiction

I was in love with a boy, who just couldn't handle being in love with me

He has this way about him, he flows like the river and sings like the ocean waves crashing into the sand on a winter morning at the beach
He laughs in colors that bloom flowers like it's always spring and he walks with such elegance that each step he takes is a new breath of life if he's walking in your direction. He speaks in sounds of church bells ringing in your ears with sweet songs of the universe. He was born from the cosmos shining like stars in a midnight sky. He puts the world to shame, when he says my name in the hushed silence of a nervous mess. He speaks softly but his words hold such power that you could believe anything coming out of his mouth.

I used to hide my scars, forever ashamed by the marks covering my skin. From my wrists to my thighs, fading little white lines. Starring at them now like my skin is a piece of paper waiting for an author to mark me with his words. I don’t hide my scars anymore, for they have created a place to write poetry.

They fell in love with the thought of being in love

Meet me at the river, so I can kiss my poetry into you're mouth. And whisper poems down you're neck to send shivers up your spine. Lay naked with me on rocks in moonlight so you can see just my naked silhouette. This way you make love to my darkness, so you can love me in daylight. I will kiss your fingertips one by one telling you all the things I've come to love. Just stare into my eyes until see yourself only smaller and upside down, tell me about it when it happens so we can giggle and I can fall in love with your laugh again. Hold my hand as we run and jump into the river in the dead of night just the two of us swimming and dancing under the stars surrounded by water. Gaze at the stars and point out all your favorite constellations and I'll show you mine. Meet me there, down by the river so I can give you me.

Theres a nice saying, "pain demands to be felt"
But what is pain?
is it when your heart gets shattered into pieces of broken glass?
or is it when someone you love leaves you?
I think that theres many ways to feel pain.
but god, oh god, how are we supposed to deal with this pain?
it eats us from the inside out till were nothing but bones in a coffin.
it tears us apart piece by piece.
it chokes us till we cant stand up straight, till we cant breathe.
it drowns us with sorrow till we're blue.
it brings us to the floor begging on our hands and knees to make it stop.
However, that the thing about pain, it demands to be felt, because if you're not experiencing pain, then what are you experiencing?
Nothing.
pain will change you into a person you never thought you could be,
it will transform you to this sad dark person,
who plods there feet everywhere they walk,
who bows there head in a crowd of smiling faces,
and this pain you're feeling,
this pain you're experiencing,
it will destroy you.

I crave the attention but I won't admit it

She looks at herself in the mirror,
Examining her face and aging wrinkles
Her eyes turn towards me, i know she hates what she sees.
She watches herself in the mirror tears swelling in her eyes.
She shifts to the left and grabs her razor,
Slitting her throat and screaming.
why is there blood streaming down my neck
I glance in the mirror
She's me, dying in the bathroom with a cut just below her jawline
The walls are going dark and all I see is red.

Live the full life of the mind,
Fascinated by new thoughts
Your soul longs to find.
Intoxicated by the strange,
Find comfort in the unfamiliar
Get lost purposely in places that
No one knows your name.

He was a sunday evening sunset
He was the song of early morning birds
He was the light shining through windows in morning hush
He was the breath taking moments of life

&

I was the pooring rain on a friday night
I was the hushed tones of voices that carried throught darkness
I was the ocean with its constant crashing waves
I was the horrible scream of silence surrounded by a crowded room

His life was to beautiful to love a sad dark world like mine.

I was born for leaving,
Not staying stationary for months at a time,
I need to keep going
Keep running
I need the air on my face telling me to go further
I need the rush of life that i get when i know im leaving everything behind.
Theres no turning back anymore
Its just a straight road whispering in my ear telling me that greater things are ahead of me but i have to keep pushing,
I dont know where im going
Or where im headed
But im almost there.

These walls are caving in
My breathe has become so weak
These life isn't mine to keep
Let me go
Please
I just want to sleep
If you leave me
I will die
Every inch of my body will decay
All of you will pray
To my dead body
Rotting deep under the trees
I asked you to stay
Won't you please?

I keep typing in this stupid little box trying to think of something clever to say. Anything really, something that might rhyme, it might not. I keep typing in this little box trying to tell you how sad I am and how all these thoughts are tearing at my chest trying to break free out of my heart and my head. I keep typing in this little box trying to say that winter is coming soon, the saddest part of the year. I keep trying to tell you how I don't find sunsets beautiful anymore, I find them fake. I don't wish upon fountains anymore or shooting stats for that matter. I can't believe in a wish anymore. I'm not sure why, maybe because everyone lies. I keep trying to say how I hate roses because they remind me of death and how I hate the way my face looks in the mirror. But nothing seems to come out the way I want it to.

You are so stupid
You are so selfish
You are worthless
You are hopeless
And these people are screaming at me
Watching every tear fall
Wishing they actually cared at all
All these people screaming
And they are all
Me.
I'm tearing myself apart
Every corner of my heart
I'm falling
While everyone is calling
My name begging me to stay
But God, oh god I just want to go away
This life is worthless for me
They won't even miss me
Maybe if I left a note
Just to tell them why
Tell them about all the tears I've cried
Now I'm finally saying goodbye.

She has lived her whole life saying she wants to be a Poet. But inside her, all she is searching for is to be someone elese's poetry.

Everything that exists in our universe,
Whether it can be seen or unseen,
Consists of pure energy.
All matter, even our thoughts and emotions have their own vibrational frequency.
Our subconscious thoughts are inseparably connected to the rest of the universe.
As our conscious mind dwells habitually on a thought or idea, they become imbedded within the subconscious mind.
They form into the dominant vibration and it resonates with similar vibrations drawing them into our lives.
The whole universe is mind

She walks with elegance
And speaks songs of silence

Tears are falling from my eyes though it feels I am crying boulders when each step I take is walking into a crater full of hate.
Cigarette between my teeth rotting my lungs and staining my teeth, filling me with smoke I breathe out air full of lies.
Pieces of my heart dropping from my heart as an angel drops from heaven when it loses its wings.
Demons in my head screaming out for attention but everybody is dead. Dreadful cries spreading through souls like wildfire, lighting flames to all the world.

Life is full of sad stories
And painful memories
It's also filled with laughter
And beautiful people to share the moments you adore most with
But its a dark world out there with thunderstorms that dont stop
And disasters that never cease
However, there are rays of light
That i call hope,
You have to hold onto that hope,
That it will all get better
Or you will have nothing at all,
You'll just stare blankly at things watching, waiting for a change.
*But you are the change.
You are the hope.

She was every star that lit up the night sky
She was the grass that grew over feilds of green
She was the moon that brightened the darkest hour
She was the rivers flowing over rocks like nothing touched them
She was the trees growing upon the forest
She was the ocean tides changing with time
She was the soul of a tiger with a heart full of fear and love
She was the love that filled the morning air

She will be in our hearts forever till death takes us over and brings us back to her.

I am far past my breaking point
Loving wasn't made for me
And life isn't what I thought it would be
Flowers die when I walk by
And trees loose their leaves
I am far past my breaking point
Mountains are a danger to my heart
Calling my name so I can step my foot off the ledge
Bridges are burning and I crave the jump into the ocean and let the water swallow my soul
Confinement seems like heaven so no one will share my sickness
Death is glimpse of hope through my grey colored eyes
I am far past my breaking point
Losing grip from my rope that has anchored me down for times on end
Crying is a constant and screaming in a definite
Cigarettes burns in my jeans and holes through my lungs is okay with me
I've come to love my darkness and be okay with my sadness
Because I am far past my breaking point

I see you in the petals that drop, singing he loves me. He loves me not.

I can feel the words coming out of my mouth grasping towards freedom, but my mouth is open letting the words free and no sound will come out.
Its as if i am so afraid, i cant even voice my opinion. I cant even tell you how i feel. I am so terrified of the reaction i would recieve that i cant even talk to you. I might throw up, my hands are trembling with anticipation.
Then it happens, the words spew out of my mouth dropping like bombs and all i hear is a ringing noise from an explosion.
I cant even stand to look at you, knowing that when i do, your eyes will touch mine for a split second and shame me for what i have done. That dissapointed look will tear me to shreads.
I want you to know that i am sorry. But what's done is done, and nothing can be undone, you cant change life even of you wanted. You cant snap your fingers or wave a magic wand and everything be gone in the blink of an eye. So we should learn to deal with our mistakes.
Because our mistakes make us who we are, even if we dont realize that today, we will someday. They dont define us as a person, but they make us who we are because we learn from them, we change.
Thats all life is, full of mistakes.
Live with it,
Because i will live with mine.

Your face turned black
And your eyes were brown
Your skin wasn't your skin
And the ink that marked you was never there before
And you above me,
Looking down on me, dominating me
And your hair is buzzed when it should have been thick and curly.
I know who this monster is that formed over your skin.
I know it's not you, I know it's my mind telling me that this is not right.
I ask you to stop because I'm going to be sick.
You stop.
He didn't.
Running to the bathroom and slamming the door colapsing naked on the floor.
Hanging my head over the toilet the tears begin to form.
Then the suffocating feeling in the deepest part of my heart starts.
And the dry heaving begins, my eyes blur with sweet salty tears and everything goes black
My hearing is muffled like my body is submerged under the sea.
My head starts to ring
And my mouth starts to sob and scream.
My body shakes and I feel her hands on my shoulders pulling me into an embrace, waking me out of my trance she looks at me with tears and her eyes.
Grabbing all the life I had she pushed me into reality.
Telling me it's not time to go yet.
A fallen angel was right under my nose yet I couldn't see it.
But you didn't even check to see if I was still breathing.

He grabs my neck
And pulls me closer
Till his breath
Is the only air I breathe
He stares at me
While I'm staring back
He's lost control
And drives his tounge
Into my mouth
Kissing me
Hard and soft all at once
Screaming into my mouth
That he loves me
With his passionate kiss
His hands move down
From my neck to my hips
Grabbing at the soft parts of my skin
Trying to get closer
As if we weren't two people but one
Steadying his hands on my waist
He pulls apart from the kiss
And we're panting both waiting for more
He pushes the hair out of my face
Tucking it sweetly behind my left ear
Kissing my cheek
Then my nose
And head
Till his lips are parted so small
He kisses my lips
Soft at first then gazes up at me
Speaking with his eyes
That I'm something worth kissing
He takes my mouth to his
And loves me
Like I've never been loved
Before.

Theres this tree beside my old house that we used to live in when my parents were still together, occasionally I drive by, park my car, and stare at the tree that holds so many memories.
I remember climbing the branches higher and higher till my mother screamed from the porch telling me I would fall if I got any higher, ignoring my mother I climbed a few branches higher, listening to the wind sing and the birds harmonize in a beautiful melody, I remember feeling on top of the world, that sensation that I could be anything.
A five year old girl, with curly blonde hair and green eyes dreaming of the world as a huge place that she couldn't get each of her feet on every inch of the earth, it was a scary thought at the time, but peeking out of the branches she always saw a light, maybe it was the sun, but I saw it as hope. That one day the world  won't seem so big anymore, that i'd be able to swim the oceans and hike the mountains.
I'm sixteen now, watching this tree full of memories. Tears form in the sockets of my eyes. Because now I realize that the world is just a little too small, its overwhelming. There are billions of people in this world, and I'm just one. Tears stream down my face, wetting my cheeks, and I can't contain the animal caged inside me, so I release the beast. Bursting into a sob, I see a girl, with blonde curly hair climbing the branches on the tree of memories, her mother yelling from the front porch, telling her to climb down before she gets hurt. Her green eyes lock mine for a second, and she climbs higher, smiling as the sky fills her heart.

A love story isn't worth just a thousand words, or a single sentence. Its worth millions of memories and untold secrets.

A love story isn't just a story with a beginning and end. Its every sentence and word in between.

A love story isn't the first hello and the final goodbye. Its the time spent together and the moments that felt like they lasted forever.

A love story is the complicated moments, the ones that hit you and took your breath away. Its the ones that knocked you to your knees waiting for another word.

Thats all we can ever wish for in this world, just another word.

These dark waters crowd the minds of soulless lovers buried deep in the ocean sea. Where love is breaking like ocean waves. Lovers stand in these dark waters, bringing knifes to there chests and dark waters turn red.

Black painted on my body in a loose fitted dress, thigh high stockings with a white lace border around the top. The shoes I wore to my brothers graduation. My hair hanging loose over my shoulders and down my back.

Black covered on bodies with pale or dark skin, all dressed from head to toe in clothes they wear to everyone's funerals. All their lost ones in their head today.

Black smeared mascara dripping down my cheek, mother wipes away my tears but is too slow to catch the next one falling.

Black and white blurred people all shaking my hand, and grabbing my shoulders as I stare into the ground trying to remember the last words he said to me.

Black filled mind with thoughts of his laughter and the way his wrinkles sometimes faded when he cried, or the time when I was a child and he threw me up high, always catching me and holding me as I cried.

Black lifeless eyes are staring at me now, I can't even recognize his face, it's not even him. I stand before my grandfather remembering that he was the only man who swept me off my feet and the only man I loved nonetheless.

Im not here anymore,
My mind is lost
My heart is gone
Im searching to find my soul
Everyone has left me
And i am alone
There is no hope
There is no sain
Everyone is painless
Or filled with emptyness
I am emotionless
No grief
No sorrow
There's no happiness ethier
Its just another face
Another place.

Please don't rip your heart out trying to save mine.

I have hands that shake
And eyes that wonder
I have a heart made of glass
That people often shatter

I have fingers that fiddle
And thoughts that swarm my mind
I have a head full of lies
And a record stuck on rewind

I have friends that laugh
And friends that cry
I have pain stabbing at my chest
With a long dull knife

I have blood dripping from my insides
Pouring from my soul
I have droplets on my sheets
And ink stains turning into a poem

I have dreams that turned to dust
That blew in the wind
I have dandelions growing from my lungs
And black rose petals are my sin

I have oxygen that is actually toxic
And hate that turned into joy
I have burns that feel like relief
And love that is seen as a decoy

I have hands that shake

Writing about love
I always thought would give
Me the power of holding onto love
I realize now I never had
A love so strong it could change the world
I met a boy
Only 16 years old
And I fell so deeply in love with him
He changed the definition of love
In my eyes
He gave me six months
To show him the brightest and darkest sides of myself
He showed me every part of him
No one else could've understood
He broke the spell he cast upon me
Two days ago
I let him ruin every love song is ever heard
Completely destroy my thoughts of happily ever afters
I realize now there isn't a happily ever after
There's a deep ocean blue color waiting for me at the end of my road
To drift into the sea
Not searching for love but waiting for the water
To take my body and drown me under the ocean sea.