I’ll say goodbye to the stars that dot the night
and likewise to the moon that floods the dark with light.
I’ll breathe goodbye to the sun at its great height
and so to the clouds that range from black to white.

I’ll sob goodbye to the underfoot of soil
and repeat this to the frothing ocean at a boil.
I’ll cry goodbye to the vines that wrap and coil
and such to the flowers, unafraid of toil.

I’ll scream goodbye to the birds at dawn who sing
and furthermore to the tiger, who’s roar will always ring.
I’ll spit goodbye to the insects on the wing
and finally to the men who thought they could play king.

Your words are my strength-
Now that I hear from you
Those words of doubt
And fear,
How could I be strong?

I feel so weak again...

The light is too shy to dance with their breath.
Shivering German roads love the massage of Jewish feet.
If only the Angles weren’t too busy with me;
Tommy called me dumb and I needed God’s help.

Not even a pocket full of posies can scent moldy dreams.
24 is too young to give up, but old enough to be tired of fighting.
Our future has seen too many yesterdays to wait for tomorrow.
The world holds life together by thin threads we’re too eager to cut.

Beyond my existence, they spoke.
Inscrutable of my mind to understand.
Within their dauntlessness, I realized;
I have been incapacitate word by word.

I felt the agony of my emotions.
I hindered my pride of being sturdy.
The depression empowered my strength.
The glint from my eyes turned into broken crystals.

The bright blue skies are now somber.
Earth's flowers and crops withered.
All the lands have fissured.
Every river had bifurcate into multiple streams.

Generally, I am known as someone strong.
I am capable with any misery.
But now, all my journals have faded blank;
Thus, I will await a new chapter.

I am going to disregard my past.
I will mold in my hands a new and better future.
I will make the skies blue and the plants alive, once again.
I will be strong.

In seventh grade I watched my friend bleed out
Holding what was left of his leg, he whispered, "This isn't good."
They say that the human body contains eight pints of blood
I counted nine.

When you were born, no one knew.
No one knew how intense the galaxy inside of you was.
How each star would illuminate your eyes,
and how you would illuminate mine.

In tenth grade,
my dad didn't talk to me for three months.
I didn't know who I was for three months.
My light became darkness as his love became emptiness.
Father, love me the way I love you. I pretend not to,
please be the same way as me.

Your heart grew faster than my hands, brother.
I hope someone loves you more than I.
For I am what you are, everything without and within,
forever and without the night.

Mother,
do you feel what I feel? Do you see what I see?
Am I what you imagined, more or less?
Do my words matter? Does my heartbeat pound alone?
Do you love me?

You are what illuminates my eyes, Queen Anne's Lace.
With or without, from your eyes to mine,
silence with noise, electricity moves throughout
yet I am calm. You are what I know,
and all that should be known is that
you deserve to be happy.

In twelfth grade my father tried to stab me.
If he was successful, it wouldn't have been the first time
one of his actions got past the surface level.

It's not your fault, burning rainbow on the water.
Adaptation without reclamation I find you in my translation
as hurt yet elation. Mother.

My kaleidoscope,
so soon,
mirroring colors and shape.
Am I looking at myself?

I don't care if you don't comprehend, the words I say or how I end.
And if you don't understand the words that pass,
your eyes, like your heart, are transparent glass.
Taste throughout, with blood mixed in, the way I beat has always been
to know, to show, to allow what I see now to be seen,
may I know what I let go is what I'll always mean.
Thunderbolts from your mouth, good luck to me because I am shocked.
There is no lock. There is no lock. There is no lock.

I live throughout different years, with evolving eyes without resolving fears.
I've been afraid. I've been lost.
Kaleidoscope.
No longer, no more.  
My heart is an open door.

Blood stained pants.
Hands without.
With every word,
every shout.

Up until my insomnia meets me
I lied when I said I forgot
I was scared what you'd think
If I said that  I love you a lot

People have only cared for minutes
Leaving me to care for days
When I look at you all I can think
Is please don't go away

I can see me in your eyes
I dream of dreaming with you
I can trace your scars with mine
My thoughts are bleeding through:

My Talia, I know what it's like to not be seen;
what it's like to be alone in a crowded room.
For you, my star, I want you to know:
that no one shines as bright as you.

I can taste you moving on my skin.
My gasp is air you sustain.
hand in hand, under an umbrella
with you, I am safe.

sorrow like a garden grows,
around my feet
and
      through
                  my
                        toes.
sahn 5/11/14