Water is complex
gives you life
But can drown you

Will somebody please break my heart?
I need to create something beautiful and tragic.

I want to write about bones breaking
Bloodless veins dried up after endless nights of tear-soaked pillows
Cold mornings that make you dread ever waking up, mornings that even coffee can't fix

I want to write about the agonizing pain of rejection
Of isolation and desolation
I want to write about the way you (hypothetic lover), effortlessly outshine the stars
And even more effortlessly, outsmart the mess that I am (a messy woman seems more dramatic)

I don't want gardens growing from my skin when you touch me
I want your fingers to create stories and scars I can't undo

I want your anger and your hatred
I need to create something beautiful
So that I can destroy it
So that we can destroy it

Will somebody please break my heart?
I'm running out of disasters to write about.

His wails put a knife to my chest
He can't comprehend the world
Where his mother went
Why his father is never to be seen
Why his family is struggling
Why strangers are so mean
Why school is frustrating
Why danger is obscene

His smile jammed the knife deep down
His mother is trying to get back up
But the only thing coming back up
Is her delayed dinner
He can't express himself
Without making a scene
He just wants to be normal
His normality is aware to me

His struggle pulled the knife out
I tell him that I love him
I laugh at his jokes
I pull his legs into bed at night
I check on his medication
I-I-I
How self centered I am
I need to try harder, stop his confused cries

His future helped me close my eyes
Say good night to the helpless
This strange little boy
That I describe in this rhyme
He is my brother
Can't even tell the time
But he can stand tall
When the world decides to fall

I only want company in my bed
as my drunken self fights sleep.

I need a release, I'm trying,
As every cut hits deep.

We all bleed red, a common color,
We all stand back and watch each other suffer.

I just really need saved,
come be my hero,
it takes a lot to be brave.

Come for me, a chariot I await,
For this place I am in I cannot help but hate.

I need you, I hate to say,
but I have been waiting day by day..

Come bail me out of here,
take me away,
And promise me you'll stay.

i know that i'm way past my expiry date,

but for some reason i thought you wouldn't mind..

     what a silly thought,
because that's all you care about.

i. You sat down next to me and asked me what I was reading. When I looked up, you became just another encounter in my life—a face that I’ll remember as the person who approached me that day. When you left, I didn’t think of you again.

ii. I saw you again and you were reading that book. Your face lit up when I approached you this time and you began to excitedly tell me the things I already knew about the characters; love lines were just being introduced and you couldn’t wait to see where they would end up. I already knew the ending, but I couldn’t wait either.

iii. Our unplanned encounters began to be planned. We spent hours at the café down the street, talking about music and books and philosophers and life. Cup after cup, we abused the all you can drink coffee option until we were taking turns using the restroom. I never wanted to leave.

iv. We moved from the café back to my apartment. You didn’t mind the mess; I didn’t mind showing it to you. Our discussion of the novel you finished turned into a silent discussion of our bodies that traveled on deep into the night. When I woke up the next morning, you were gone.

v. I didn’t see you after that night, even when I inconspicuously walked by the bookstore and the café. There were a few times when I walked in and sat down at the table where you had told me that your biggest fear was losing the necklace your deceased mother had left behind. I drank a cup of coffee and couldn’t tell if I had lost you or if you had left me behind.

vi. We met again and you didn’t remember me.