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Patricia LeDuc Apr 2018
I can’t hear her voice
I’ve been given no choice

I can’t hold her hand
‘Tis not how I planned

I can’t kiss her cheek
It’s been many a week

I can’t see her face
There is such pain to erase

I can’t brush her hair
She must think I don’t care

I can’t ease her fear
She needs to let me near

I can only feel pain
I’m lost with nothing to gain

So the misery will remain
There is only one way to explain

I am broken to the core
I just can’t…anymore
3/20/04 ~ 02/20/18
For my daughter..I still love you
Patricia LeDuc Apr 2018
The more I get to know U
The more I want to show U

Promises made
In the shade
Of our desire
There was so much fire

The more I get to know U
The more I want to show U

A fleeting glimpse
Of that promise
Made in our desire
Move it up a notch higher

The more I get to know U
The more I want to show U

Depth
Breadth
Wisdom’s woes
The more it shows

I’m glad I got to know U
Now I can’t do without U
10/15/03 ~04/26/18
Patricia LeDuc Apr 2018
Fear

I am afraid now
That the words
I am getting
Are a warning
Of future events
I will be mourning
Must put this fear aside
Let the words ride
Express what is inside
From what I am trying to hide
Cannot let fear abide
Original 10/28/03
Posted 4/26/18
Patricia LeDuc Apr 2018
I realized a mistake was made
The moment the music played
Emotions, conditions, circumstances
Were not thoroughly weighed
But the piper was paid
Vows said…that
Should have been delayed
A curse on a heart betrayed…

His true nature had yet to show
Ugliness, anger began to grow
Uncharted emotions began to flow
Brewing on the surface...
And just slightly below…

This relationship
Came on too soon
On a crooked clock
Broken slightly past noon
This was supposed to be
The time of my life?
I should have said no

But…
How was I to know?
True story
My wedding nightmare
Realized a little too late
Remedied six months later  
Be careful with your heart
Trust that little voice inside you
Original 3/12/04
Updated 4/26/18
Patricia LeDuc Apr 2018
Where my heart was
There is an empty space
I leave it that way
Just in case
I find one
To replace
The one you stole
From me

Look me in the eye
Look at my face
This is a condition
Only you can erase

Give back my heart
You broke it apart
Now let your love
Be the glue

To start the repair
Then put it back where
The empty space
Holds its place

Without it I am empty
Without you I am empty
I’m holding a space
For you
1/19/18
Patricia LeDuc Apr 2018
I’m sorry it’s over...

You no longer meet my EXPECTATIONS
Loving you was no small feat

You no longer meet my WANTS
I know you play, I know you cheat

You no longer meet my DESIRES
Once white hot passion, now absent of heat

You no longer meet my NEEDS
My dreams shattered by neglect

You no longer meet my LOVE
You fractured my heart

The ending is written
This time complete
Again, once at last
There is no future
Only the past

My mistakes with you
I AM DOOMED TO REPEAT

Lost EXPECTATION

Lost WANTS

Lost DESIRES

Lost NEEDS

Lost LOVE

I’m sorry it’s over
Someone had to say it

DO I NEED TO REPEAT?
12/02/03 revised 4/23/18
Patricia LeDuc Apr 2018
The butterfly is an ancient symbol of hope, the symbol of new life, and the symbol of those who are bereaved. However, before the beautiful butterfly emerges it must spend time in a cocoon.

It is our human nature to want to assist the butterfly in its attempt to escape from the cocoon; but, if we do release the butterfly prematurely, it will fall to the ground and perish. By its struggle, the butterfly strengthens it wings enabling its survival and flight to freedom.

Our grief in time of sorrow is like the life process of the butterfly. We often spin a cocoon around ourselves to hide the way we feel, our anger, and our desolation. Others may help us in our struggle; we do not need to travel the path of bereavement alone as does the butterfly.  However, the ultimate responsibility is ours. We need to grieve, hurt, cry, be angry, and strive to free ourselves from our own cocoons of grief.  And, hopefully, one day we will emerge like the beautiful butterfly…a stronger, more compassionate and understanding person. Until that time, let the little butterfly on the corner of this page be a symbol of hope, faith and understanding.
I wanted to share this for anyone who needs to see life and death in a simple kind way.  

Twenty years ago I heard this at a memorial service for a colleague. I had the hard copy but thought I had transcribed it on to my word documents. I had shared it many times with friends at various times. Unfortunately my external hard drive died and I lost it completely. I needed it recently and scoured the internet for the butterfly story then gave up. Two days later the original hard copy fell out of a pile of paperwork I had not looked at for years. No coincidence that it came to me in the last place I would have imagined.

The butterfly found me when I needed it the most
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