I* am jealous of
your *bed
your sheets
your shirts and perfume
and smoke of your cigarette

because they wrap and cloud around you
touch you, feel your dark, soft skin
feel your warmth

when I cannot do those things
when I am too far away
spending my lonely afternoons
wishing to be

your bed
your sheets
your shirts and perfume
and smoke of your cigarette.

i walk down the street alone
through the crowd early in the morning
wishing you were beside me
so i could show you all the small things that make me happy
and i'd feel my heart is heavy like it's made of lead
because you're so near, yet so far
i can't get to you, i can't make you happy
you have to find happiness in yourself
then you will be able to love me back
to tell me that without hesitation
and we will be able to be happy together.

i wonder
if i could make you happy
if i was able to hold happiness
firmly in my hands.

if you could reach for it
like a mother reaching
for a newborn child
like an addict reaching
for another drink.

i wonder
if that would make me happier
aswell.

after four years of loving Him,
i have finally gotten over Him
in just two gorgeous months spent with You.

and now He wants me back
but i don't want Him.
it's too late for us, He had waited for too long.
now he suffers just like i did for four long years.

i build a three story home
inside my heart for You,
next to a river of my blood,
river flowing through my body
near the forest of my veins and arteries.

and there is no room for Him.
only for You.

you will always be on my mind
you will always be every one of my thoughts
you will always be what i have been looking for
you will always be someone i never want to let go

i want you to be happy
to find peace within your soul
to realise we can have it all
to come back to me

i am thankful for meeting you two and a half years ago
for every precious moment we had had
for your smile, laughter and provocations
for every virtue and every flaw of yours

i pray for you every night and day
for you to be content with yourself
for you to find what you are looking for
for you to realise you are worth all of this pain i feel for you

you will always be the one who changed me.
i want you to be the one who will change me once again.
i am thankful for you who succeeded to change me.
i pray for you to be the one who will change for me.

take me higher
than the lakes and rivers
forests, hills, mountain peaks
among the clouds and the cold
among the stars and meteors
the comets, the planets
the stardust

take me higher
with your love and passion
with your provocations
with your whole self
(but you've already done that)
and there's no return.

moonlit pale, sweaty skin
ghastly darkness surrounding both of
us.
Us.
we are children of cosmos
we are walking uphill against the wind
we are fighting our inner demons
demons stopping us from loving each other
strong wind messes with our hair
it's chilly outside on a windy november evening
i could walk that path with you forever
if only it could last forever

silence so loud
but not awkward at all.
it's kind of enjoyable to sit there
next to your grave
just like i was once sitting next to you
in your hospital room.

at least i know you're at peace.

i know there is a little spark
of your love for me still in your heart
you should know that my heart burns
you set it on fire with your words, hugs and kisses

and that love you set fire to it will never be put out.

i want that love to burn us to the bones
and cleanse our souls
from pain and negativity
from fear and misery

so our love can flourish and bloom once again
just like plants bloom on the burnt soil
after the forest fire, young, fresh and pure
and they grow, grow and grow to become

big, tough trees putting shadows over
every problem we will encounter
because no problem will ever be bigger
than our love.

just like the long distanced supernovas
the deceased people cast their light upon us
years after they're gone

whatever horrible situation
people put you (me) through
do not worry dear sailor of mine
for you (me) will soon eat fruits
of karma and the universe.

maybe few gods and goddesses
will get their hands ***** in
your (mine) garden preparing
the soil for you (me) to grow.

even angels could be by your (my) side
flapping wings whispering quietly
you (I) should pay attention

to all the signs
universe

is showing us.

you rugged old sailor
get lost in the sea
let your ship break
if it's meant to be

drown, sink to the bottom
let vastness of the ocean consume you
then you'll realise
that you have to drown first
to be born again

amidst salt sand and waves

now come to the surface
breathe with your lungs cleansed
and your soul cured
by the powers of the abyss