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yes i smoke

i smoke to put something in my hand

to replace the same place your hand used to rest

so maybe its a force of habit

yes i smoke

just to keep something warm near me

because most things are painfully cold lately.
 Jul 2014 Olivia McCann
Gigi Tiji
a lady lights a cigarette
glowing red cherry
lips, puffing without
regret
a cigarette, burning
smoking, grey breathing
choking and
tap tap the
falling ashes

it is over with
a definitive flick —
a lady lights a cigarette
she can see her spirit
dancing in the smoke
 Jul 2014 Olivia McCann
Jack
How many tomorrows will it take
to forget another today?
 Jul 2014 Olivia McCann
Sjr1000
I'm recycling these nails
the cross is going too,
broken down
into
the wood from which it came.

I'm recycling you.
Nice try.

I was sure
you were exactly
my kind of guy.

No
you didn't have a car
Disability pending
that weekly motel was threatening
the rent was due a month ago
I know the manger is your best friend
and yes
I'm out of money
out of cigarettes
and I guess
you're out of time
not even time for one more line.

I thought
if I could only love you right
then
everything would be all right
hope is the hook
because
I love you
it must mean
you must really be good
until now
everything I thought
I thought was true.

Some kind of consciousness
came to me
I understood something
I had never seen
all of that
past trauma
this is what it means.

This is the last time
on my knees
the last time I take it
you know what I mean.

It's come down to this
when I die
it ain't
going to be
your life
I see
flashing before my eyes. . .
For every woman whose tried to love him into something
he's not ready to be
and maybe never will.
 Jul 2014 Olivia McCann
Auss
stage
 Jul 2014 Olivia McCann
Auss
If all the world's a stage
Will we ever find a blank page
In this strange script
We all follow to our crypt
All of us actors
Where drama and tragedy are disasters
What if I choose to break character
Would that anger the director?
I am goin to finish this later. Getting on a plane in a few
 Jul 2014 Olivia McCann
bukowski
and I know
I said I’d be better
and I would
do more,
but honestly,
everything is
falling apart
and I have no
motivation
to catch the
broken pieces;
I don’t have
the patience
to tend to the cuts
on my hands
after fumbling
with shards
of my broken
bones
and I’m
losing pieces of
my mind
every single
day;
I’m so scared;
nothing makes sense
anymore
and I don’t even
want to be here
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