the world is bright and yours,

from the ******* treetops to the floors.

though, so incredibly hard to say,
i think i killed myself today.

no, it wasn't the gun i thought it would be,
and it wasn't the pills i bought to be free.

it wasn't the candles or the gasoline,
it wasn't the running into a limousine.

i think it was me in my bed so late,
unwilling to behold my fate.

my eyes slipped shut and they haven't opened yet.
but that would be lucky, and i'm alive, i bet.

just wait until tomorrow, maybe we'll see
what i can really do to me.

i tried to wake you up. to hold me since it hurts. i’m not mad you didn’t wake up, i just wish you had. to tell me the reasons i don’t have to go and the reasons i should stay. i’m so tired of feeling this way and wondering when we will be better. time. that’s what heals and that’s what breaks. but i think it’s doing both for us. my mind is going crazy with thoughts of running away. i wish you wanted to too. from each other. maybe you could work the job you want. the night and weekend one. maybe you could meet with your classmate and not worry about me. maybe you could make new friends and do things without me. maybe. just maybe. i’m left here alone. to wonder if things will ever get better or if my forever looks like sleeping alone. i know you’re tired but i wish you’d wake up, because nights like this are getting really tough. i miss being happy. i miss feeling like this is it. lately all i wonder is is this it? silent car rides and sleepless nights. six months of waiting just to do this every night. for the rest of our lives. i think we could be happy even if it meant not with each other. i know that living this way isn’t how it’s meant to be and i know it’s always been, since we were so young, just you and just me. but i always make you mad and you can never do anything right. right? we have good days but they’re mostly when we are apart. so it’s hard to not feel like maybe we should be apart. i love you with all of me and i just wish you’d wake up... i wish you’d wake up and tell me it’s going to be okay. but when you wake up it’ll be a new day and there’s no time to slow down for yesterday, today. i wish you’d wake up.

a heavy heart
& a hard-on
a little ****
a little sweet on
me, but never hot,
he drew a sour lot
he was a lot
but not enough for me

go to the doctor
keep weights in your pocket

don't forget to eat
change topic

"i'm not hungry"
eat

"i ate earlier"
don't forget to eat

we are gonna be okay,
maybe not now,
but someday.

the empty street,
the silence balconies,
will go back like they used to,
we're gonna sing like there's no boundaries.
the darkest place,
we will make it bright,
we're gonna dance under the moonlight,
we're gonna make it right.
maybe not now,
but someday.

to the lonely souls,
to the sick bodies,
to the worry parents,
and the tired workers,
i hope you are okay,
we - all will be okay,
maybe not now,
but someday.