I thought

we’ve been    through it all

but you            threw it all

 away.

-

nothing is left
                             now but
  
my broken pieces

before you **** yourself,
just remember
that there are
places you have not been
and things you have not seen.
and poems to awe
art to draw
fields to walk through,
people to talk to,
music to take in,
games to win,
and books to be read.

so why,
oh why
do you wish
to be dead?

you're my sun
one and only in this world
I bloom for you,
but you make me thirsty

           it's too late,
           too late

I can't live without you
even if I'm drying out,
I try harder to reach you

but it's no use,
it's a dream to be broken

you desired
my attention
but denied
my affection

it's you
it's you
it's all for you

everything i do
i tell you all the time
heaven is a place for me and you

youth is like a never-ending maze

youth feels like being alone in the deep blue sea

youth can be overwhelming



but also



youth is fighting for what you believe in

youth is friendship

youth is freedom

don't tell me

i miss
cities that i have never visited,
the books that i have never read,
the hearts i have never broken,
the tears that i have never shed.

i crave
for the love i never got,
the thoughts i never had,
the smiles i never showed,
the person i never was.

take this road
to the moon

take his hand,
the moon child,

cause that’s how
its supposed to be

all this pain
all this sorrow
that’s our destiny

i was feeling happy
today until my fears
and doubts clouded
my mind and left me
in a dark room.

fears and doubts about
if i was going to be able
to graduate high school
or even go to college.

fears and doubts about
if i would find anyone
that would care for me.

fears and doubts that if
i was ever going to be
my parent's good girl.

but i don't want to be perfect
but i don't want to be a failure
      
fears and doubts cloud
my mind and poison
my body and drowns
me with nowhere to go.

1 am
i miss you
and your
silly jokes,
warm smile

2 am
im still awake,
and i miss your
arms around me,
comforting me
when i was sad

3 am
i need you here,
beside me, every
day, minute, second.
i need you here.

4 am
i love you and
i can't live without
you beside me,
telling me it's all
going to be okay.

5 am
where are you,
when i need you.

6 am
i can't sleep.
i can't dream.
all i have are
nightmares

that make me,

                  "me"

even if i fall,
             i come right up, and scream

even if i fall,
             i come right up, and scream
      that's how we've always been

even if my knees drop to the ground,
         as long as they don't get buried,
it won't matter

bring the pain
they'll become my blood and flesh

bring the pain
no fear,
because now i know the way

H - hopeless
A - annoying
P - pretty depressed
P - probably suicidal
Y - yearning for death

"you can't just
touch my soul
and leave"

"Mhmmm hmm hmm"

Here I sit, at the fountain in the mall, with this soothing melody of an unknown voice whispering through my headphones, my backpack on, eating cup noodles and procrastinating on my studies; A mother with her approximately 5 year old child sits down in front of me.

From the back, she looks like she's twenty-something with a slim, fragile body and her hair cut short. Her son is holding onto her with his right hand and onto a balloon with his left. It seems like time stopped for the kid. He stares at the fountain with a fascinated glance in his eyes as the water rises high up, up to the second floor. The mother and her kid get up eventually after a few minutes. I look around.

Hundreds of people are rushing through the shops, satisfying themselves, drunk from materialism. Watching them feels like I'm watching a time lapse. They are running around, worrying about the future while I am trying to get lost in the moment.

A quote by Nietzsche pops up on a screen, that usually plays advertisements and catches my attention. It says that people are generally in a hurry because everyone is trying to escape themselves.

Hah! What an ironic situation this is.
Someone's shopping bag bumps into me and pulls me back to reality. I realize that the track that was playing through my headphones stopped long ago. It seems like it just kept going on in my head as i got lost. I sigh, get up and make my way home.

"Take me to another place", I mumble as I make my way through the crowds. I don't exactly know why I said that, what I meant and what or rather who should take me away from here. I just hope to, one day, find someone to escape reality with.

be reborn,

night does not break but the shadows peel back

the bird I saw at the water park
that bird flew so freely
it seemed so happy to me
because it has wings that I don't have

it is able to go anywhere it wants to go
but that bird is very lonely,  
because it's flying after departing its mother

the bird I saw at the water park
the bird I saw at the playground
the bird I saw on the plane

the bird that was always alone, will fly
freely to find friends
it's not lonely anymore as it flies together

hey, bird bird bird bird

the bird that was always alone, will fly
freely to find friends
it's not lonely anymore as it flies together

hey, bird bird bird bird

don’t mistake
salt for sugar
if he wants to
be with you
he will
it’s that simple

O'starry starry night,
watch the children laugh and play,
reaching up to touch the sky,
up above the world so high

O'starry starry night,
listen to the crickets sing,
sitting out on May hills,
watch the children pick daffodils

O'starry starry night,
follow the light of fireflies,
feel the cool breeze pass by,
breathe in the fresh air.

​
are you insane like me?
been in pain like me?

but darling,

                  in the end
                  you’ve got to be
                  your own hero,

                  because everybody’s
                  busy
                  trying to save


                                *t h e m s e l v e s

​
i don’t want to be vulnerable
and i swore i would never be
but then you noticed me
-

ive fallen for you laugh,
which is utterly contagious
i've fallen for your smile
which makes me giddy for
no reason at all. i've fallen for
our late night talks, when 1am
arrives far too quickly. i've fallen
for our jokes, which ill remember
days later and burst into laughter.
i've fallen for how you can make
my day better, even if i wanted
to cry a minute before. i've fallen
for every second i get to spend
with you, even if those seconds
will always leave me wanting more.

other people see
plain old brown eyes
but I see galaxies

who said that falling
out of love was not something
that made us better

the sad truth is
so many people are in love and
not together

and

so many people are together
and not in love

love is
no Where

love is
noW here

what doesn't **** you
doesn't make you stronger

it doesn't do anything at all

nothing.

i once dated a scientist                                                       i once dated a writer
who tore me to pieces                                               who confused me beyond
dissecting every piece                                           reason and hesitantly let me
of my heart and of my                                                  study her heart and her
mind. i am a writer and                                            mind. i am a scientist and
my mind does not                                                                   her mind is full of
function the same way                                                                     demons and
and my heart is not                                                       her heart pumps words
reliant on the same                                                             instead of blood. she
thing that his is. he                                         used to spend days reliving and
couldn't find the beauty                                      rewriting her past to make it
in spending hours                                                   beautiful knowing it'd take
making messes just                                          hours to clean herself up again
to clean them up but                                              but i'll never forget the way
i found beauty in                                                      she dissected me just with
his brown eyes.                                                                               her blue eyes.

"you're so ugly"
i know, and you're right.

"nobody likes you"
why would they?

"i hate you"
i understand, i dont like me either


"just **** yourself already"
*im trying to.

you understand

sad teens with happy faces

he looked at you like you were
the ocean and he was
desperate to
drown.

stop caring so much