I've seen you cry
I hear it in your voice
The way each word
weighs 1000 tons

From late night calls
to drowning yourself in music
I see you sitting there
headphones on your ears
and sunglasses to hide your eyes
The air is a void around you
touching (hurting) no one but yourself
although you feel like you're suffocating others

The slashes on your wrist
                                    (bicep)
                                    (thigh)
                                    (knee)
                             and heart
All an angry red
with the occasional bandage
Though you try to hid your pain
with conveniently placed tattoos
(all beautiful in their importance)
(they're almost as beautiful as you)
(i wish you could see)
your scars are apparent

You
are NOT
a burden
You
are NOT
too much work
You
ARE
incredible
hilarious
talented
brave and strong

You
have been through hell
or at least you've tried to
Thank god it didn't work
and you came back
Because if it had
the world would have lost
another light to the darkness

You are so full of love
and care for others.
I wish I could alleviate your pain,
but all I can do is sit
and listen
and watch you destroy yourself.
I know you have no control
over your sorrow.
It hurts all the more
knowing there's nothing I can do.
But I'll always be there
a shoulder to cry on
giving you a reminder
of how glad I am
that you are here
and alive,
such a vivid part of my life.

She can walk
          between
             night and day
               never letting either
                  get in her way.
She learned this trick
                     many moons ago
                                by
                     going deep within
           and never letting it show.
Her soul is innocent
her heart is pure
she’s gone through more
than most could endure.
            She’s an angel of light
                 an angel of dark
                 you never know
              what you will spark.
                      You want to hurt her?
                         Please, go ahead and try
                           she’ll be the one to show you
                                  just how well she can
                                                              f
­                                                                l­
                                                                ­  y.
                                  Her soul innocent
                    her heart pure
      but never think for one minute
that she’s not secure.
                                Say what you will
                          please, do what you must
                       but your jealousy and hatred
                             won’t waver her trust!
~

Both can ****
        The only difference is
                      Cigarettes shatter lungs
         She shatters everything

            I remembered the first moment
my lips pressed the filter
     as I lit it up breathed it all
                savored every smoke
       as if we covered up painful lies
        in a container of painkillers

The same way  
we used to pressed our lips
     sparked something between us
           savored every moment we had
    as if our love was a rose
               in a valley of tulips

the bottle seemed ordinary enough
plastic, white, innocent

but I when I looked away
I could hear its contents whispering

softly at first

wewouldloveforyoutodrinkus
pleaseanna?weknowyouneedus

my eyes bored harder into my hands
why are they shaking

they heard us
Louder this time

Youstupidfuckingwhoreyouknowyouneedusyoucantignoreusforever­

A single drop of weakness falls into my palm

They scream like the tourted souls in hell

now!youresofuckingweakyouresofuckingstupidyouneedusandyoukn­owityoureadissappointmentyourenothingyouleteveryonedownyouruinede­verythingyoudontbelonginyourfamily

Finally my wet eyes meet the bottle

I read as if I didn't already know
Liquid Morphine

The voices become a single whisper

youdeservedwhathedidtoyou

Suddenly everything is clear

DrinkMe
Commands the voices

I obey


if only I was in wonderland

And thats when i realized
I was losing myself
That part of me
that edulged in sunlight rays
Late night reads and
lazy days
I kissed out of passion
never boredom
and prefer heartbreak
over loneliness
Life had a meaning
written in leather binded
journals and sparkly red ink
It was soft to the touch
and smelled of lemony
citrus
It did not make a sound
Yet it had a voice so beautiful
it made your mind
crash like tidal waves
against your skull
My mind now is nothing
but decay
what it once was seemed
to never exist
not a sign left behind
no emptiness
as if it had never been filled
The nothingness now something
and it was numbing to feel
That want to feel
literally anything
was now a desire to feel nothing
like an empty tv screen
buzzing alone 4:35 at night

Abyss.

I heard you say

My name

I looked up

Expecting to meet your gaze

But they weren’t eyes.

They were oceans.

Salty Blues

Seaweed greens

A pale hint of sand

Cracking through the seams

Oh and the waves.

Pushing and pulling

Flooding my soul

Suffocating me

Stealing my breath

I didn’t even gasp for air

I just let go.

Drowning

Sinking

Dancing

Weightlessly

Floating through the abyss.

Waiting to be

Still forever

Finding rest

On the ocean floor.

I bet your lips taste like ashes.
Cyanide flavored poison-
sweet like candy floss but
Deadly; burning from the inside,
Passionately.
Hands hot- the back burner of
your sister in law’s cast iron stove.
The flame of desire ravaging
your skin in your past lover’s
Sin.
Press flesh too hard; the best way-
It leaves violet marks of recycled love.
And I’d dream of a future,
while you thought out tonight’s dance.
And I’d listen to the rain
hit each brick wall,
while you turned out the light
and felt nothing at all.

let’s write poems
together
tell each other
secrets

stay up all night
it’s the only way
to keep it

let’s scrap book
forever
glue in
all the pieces

photograph
memories

rough-draft
remedies

the trials
and errors

The nows
and nevers

Let’s write poems
together
of life without
regrets