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NitaAnn Oct 2014
I am hurting
Deep in my soul

Pain
Tortured
Memories

Make it stop!
How do I make it stop?

Flashbacks
Tormented
Relentless

I am hurting
Deep in my soul!
NitaAnn Oct 2014
I keep messing up with my reactions to things.
I have a tendency to process my emotions in an unhealthy way.
I am either exploding with angry words
Or stuffing it down while saying, “I’m fine”.
Over and over are failed attempts and many cries of frustration.
Am I ever going to be able to change?
Is it even possible?

I feel that I will never be able to react properly.
Real change is beyond me.

I am messing up...Again!
NitaAnn Oct 2014
SI
Over
Done
Finished
Broken skin
Addicted to the
Pull of the blade against my skin

Bright red
Blood
Runs in streamlets
****** arms
****** body parts
Blood pools on the floor

I cannot stop
Need to feel
Require the pain

Beautiful scabs
Turn to tiny white scars.
NitaAnn Oct 2014
Why do you not listen
I am tired of explaining
Now my silence is overwhelming

I am hurting inside
Searching for answers

Wishing I could put aside my adversion to touch
I want to be held
I want to be reassured by your strength
I need reassurance
Cause I am drowning

Please hear me

Help me Hold me
NitaAnn Oct 2014
***...I am not well…I cannot keep up…I plug one leak and another has sprung somewhere else – my crazybrain is out of control…it is tiring.
I am forever waiting for a “better day”.
Tomorrow I will feel better...Tomorrow will be a better day…What if tomorrow never comes?
Like I said I am not well…I cannot keep up... I am about done.
NitaAnn Oct 2014
Do you hear my cry?
Do you see my tears?

Am I truly invisible?

I am begging, pleading.
Please stop ignoring me.
Please notice me here.

I need you to see me.
I need you to hear me.

I am asking in the only way I know
For your help, your advice, your guidance.
Please recognize what I need.
You may be my last hope,
My last chance.

Your words say that you hear me
Your words say that you see me
You state you see more than I see in me

However, your actions tell a different story.
I am pleading....

HELP

Help me to become the woman you see.
Put me on the path to better.
Show me how to make the change.

HELP

If you turn away now
I may be gone
Silently slip away into forever.

Do you hear my cry?
Do you see my tears?

I need you to see me.
I need you to hear me.
Sometimes it seems like it would be so easy to silently slip into forever with just a few quick razor cuts. How long would it take for you to notice I was gone? Would you care? Would you cry? Would you regret the times you turned away from my cry? I need to know you care before it is too late.
NitaAnn Oct 2014
Never-ending circles
Ups and downs
This is my life
One day things are looking better
The next everything is falling apart.

A vicious cycle
That is repeated daily
Around and around
Is there ever an end?

Looking for something
Or someone
To turn these repeating circles
Into a straight line of progress.
Searching, crying out for help
Does anybody hear me??
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