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So scraps are what I have to show
Find myself amidst the undertow
A pathetic pile of perfumed dreams  
Like pretending life is greater than it seems
This multiverse molded with illusions and tricks
To knock you down just for kicks
Nothing glamorous about depression
A void that leaves the deepest impression
Feeling like rocks loaded onto my back
As if gravity is out of whack
Attempting to rise off the floor
Each movement leaves muscles sore
Past mistakes written in blood
Try but fail washing away with a flood
So sick and tired staying the same
Doubt and fear the scapegoats to blame
Reasons irrelevant nevertheless
Little extra effort might lead to success
I am aware everything is bound to fall apart
One by one shards will chip off my heart
I attempt reassembling it with some glue
To give it away like deja vu
These choices I cannot explain
Behavior proof I must be insane
Wasting more minutes than I have to spare
Fish out of water and I'm gasping for air
Can't you see I'm drowning?
A sea of my regrets
Ghosts dancing on horizon staring at their silhouettes
I think about years I continue to let slip through my hands
I'm so exhausted chasing answers to a puzzle I don't understand
Scared to admit this the extent of what I'll become
Wonder if I'll ever escape the place that I am from
I yearn to love now like I loved back then
Believe in magic and forever again
But hopeful naivete faded along with the sparkle in my eye
Like while I've been in limbo best opportunities passed me by
In a cerebral cage confidence confined by bars
Self-acceptance shackled by a multitude of scars
I am sorrier than lips will ever audibly speak
Unsure if my dungeon will let me discover the exit I desperately seek
This nightmare of creation darkens at an alarming rate
Need to wake up from this coma I'm in before it is too late
You live your life in a dream that you can't escape
Cause you live your life in a coma you're never awake...
I'm my mother's blood and bone
Features on my face are shown
Identical birthing hips
More alike the more I have grown  

And same bit of mischief is harbored in my eyes
In a slightly browner shade to focalize
Motionless in front of reflection transfixed
Cannot help but overanalyze

But on a binge of self-pitying despair
How can I mosey forward with only memories there?
Similarities between are reminders everywhere I turn
Her soul absent and I am all too aware

It comes and goes in undulations of pain
Lost in labyrinth lurking in my brain
Crippled by spilled love that will never return
Only empty echoes within broken heart remain
I look at the mirror and see half of my mother in all I do and it kills me
 Jan 6 Nellie 55
A Poet
"I love you"
"Don't go"
"Stay"
"Well work it out"

Words, hiding the crack , in our curated facade.
Longing for love, hearing the echoes of the space between,
I long for those words, in my empty eyes, this silent plea,
I beg you, say something,
anything, make me love you again.
make us love one another again.
She ìs the devil's kingdom
Of hellish demon spawn
Poison snakes of every kind
Slither 'cross her lawn

A wicked cold shape-shifting troll
Who takes on every guise
From an angel to a scorpion
Spreading filthy lies

A slimy fat and blood-dark leech
horrid as can be
To an old and grey‐green mold
Which cosied up to me

Now she has me in her sights
A red‐head vulture hungry
For a Christian heart to eat
They spawn in every country

Should she continue on the cursed course
She'll be terrified to find
That the trail will turn on her
And she will lose her mind.
 Jul 2024 Nellie 55
Tiana Marie
She was like music,
and I longed to dance.

Her heart was the beat,
and I begged for the chance.

Her words were the vocals,
and I was put in a trance.

Her smile was the melody,
and I fell in love at first glance.
 Jul 2024 Nellie 55
Path Humble
left my phone unlocked
on the taxi’s back seat,
won't be the last time

called it a few times
finally, the driver picked up

he had a fare immediately after mine,
and was now headed way downtown,
and would call later
when fate returned him nearer my office

and so it came to pass,
very shortly thereafter,

we met on the street,
he rolled down  the window
and with the greatest smile of pleasure,
as if he had won the lottery
beaming,
handed me my phone

I had two $20's to cover any expense he might have incurred,
neatly folded in my hand  
and offered it right up, right away;
but the driver repeatedly pushed my hand away
as I insisted,
saying:

"No sir, no no, not necessary!

Allah sent me a fare
that took me soon back close to you, so,
  no loss of time did I suffer,
so your offer is kindly unnecessary!"


to which I replied,

"exactly!
Allah sent you to me
so I could reward you!"


and with an equally, beaming smile I continued,

"our ride and meeting today,
together was pre-ordained it was


Inshallah!" ^

something he could not dispute...
or my knowledge thereof and it’s
proper pronouncement,
nor
his amazement,
to disguise!

  we parted ways
   each believing,
   each receiving,
a heavenly check plus,
each, credited with a mitzvah^^
on our
respective trip logs,
our humanly divine balance sheets,
kept by the
single
supreme taxi dispatcher
Arabic for ^"God/Allah willing" or "if God/Allah wills," frequently spoken by a Muslim


^^a meritorious or charitable act in the Jewish tradition

FYI,
NYC taxi cab drivers are suffering economically by the explosion of ride hailing app cars, many unable to pay their bills, earn a living, have committed suicide over the past few months
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/sixth-new-york-city-cab-driver-dies-suicide-after-struggling-n883886

true story, poetry is there for the taking
 Jul 2024 Nellie 55
Maddy
After yesterday, not sure of anything any longer
The exception is my duty as a citizen
Like yours
It us up to you but I know what needs to happen and to whom
Let's be done with him and move on greatly
Dump the felon before he rids us of our freedoms

C @rainbowchaser2024
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