he knew his love for her was beyond his existence , he knew that this bond would be the death of him but when she called he ran , when she cried he broke and when she needed him he appeared. his love for her tested at every corner but never wavered , he held strong and gave her his all and he knew she would be the end of him. the night came and he world became dark , she called his name and he ran , racing through time and red lights with dead street lights throwing him in and out of darkness he never stopped , he never slowed he drove and drove he knew her called his and he knew she needed him, he knew this would be the end of him....  He ran into the room , engulfed by the sounds of beeping and screaming he was dazed , where is she ? he ran to the white clothed hero and begged and pleaded with the savior to let him see her, to take him to her but he was denied. he sat in a room full of people but he was never more alone, he lost everyone , he flashed back to the days when the nightmares haunted him , before he met her, before she showed him what it meant to be loved and to love, he knew she would be the end of him but his heart knew she was the one for him. they came for him , they looked at him with sorrow and he knew this was the end of him, he saw her , for the first time he saw her , tubes and wires blood drenched hands but he saw her and he had never seen her more beautiful that night , he had never seen her look more mesmerizing , even the night she wore that black dress and it rained and her got wet and she captured his heart for the first time could not compare to this. she was dying they said,  and his heart sunk , he would make a deal with the devil if he could , he would sell his soul if he knew how , but the devils ears were shut tonight , heaven had closed its doors and he was alone , the depression had taken her away from him more then the cancer did, the pain of seeing her decay cell by cell day by day had changed him , he knew this would be the end of him , he knew that this was his last , he knew this was her last , she touched his hand and the tears began to fall and she smiled and he smiled and he knew this was the last , the last time he saw that twinkle in her eye , the last time he would ever touch her or hug her ever again ...in this life.  he decided long ago that if she goes he goes and she left him, on that gloomy Tuesday night in April she left him...she left the promises of forever they had , she left the dreams they made together , she left him with the choice , love or leave. he walked that night , he walked with the intention of end , he walked to free himself , free himself from the devil within , free himself from the demons that bind him to her. he walked and walked until the waves touched his feet and they felt freeing , they felt warm in the midst of winter they hugged him the ocean called him , it called his name and he followed like the calls of a siren he fell into the arms of the ocean. he sank and the empty deafening silence spoke to him and he heard her voice , he heard her scream swim. he knew she was the end of him he knew she was the end of the his soul but he didn't know she was the end of an era and the freedom of a curse , he knew he had to live , he knew her death meant he lost a love but gained a strength and he knew she was with him because his love for her did not die with the cancer , she did not die with the cancer or blood loss , he knew she lived and he gave her the life , he freed her from the bounds of death and he found his freedom in her death

A fools tale

They say we are born in pairs. Destined to be loved , destined to spend it with a significant other.
I've seen lovers find each other in the darkest of moments while I found myself alone. I've seen families come together in devastating ruins in a war stricken country but seen mine close their doors on me.
The books of God says we are made in pairs , the bible , the Quran , the Torah all speak of a love conceived in heaven but all I've found is hook ups sent from hell. They say love is pure and kind , I say ******* love is nothing but the door to torture and pain while falling is the key , the key I've so willingly turned many times. They say it's all about time , when the time is right ,when it's meant to be it will be , maybe when I'm dead and gone I'll be brought back as a rose, loved by some hated by others , can't be touched only plucked and given as a sign of love then left to dry away and die because that's all love has ever been to me a dying rose. I've heard them all say they love me , they gave me the same look and then walk away from me. So much for the love at first sight fairy tale *******, all the books , all the songs and movies have it " no one like you baby". Promise after promise I watched them break it but now you what makes you different ? What makes you the one to fix the broken parts and heal the scars that's been carved into my soul by the hot white burning lies it's been fed by the corrupted love it's been given ? nothing , he will come along and smile and then I'll be forgotten because that's all I've ever been the temporary guy , the one before the one. Left to fall and land on my own , the plane takes off but I fly solo. I see no point in putting effort into you or into this because in the end the three letter word will be said and a sappy story of " it's me not you" will be given with false pitiful eyes. Time after time , my faith never wavered but today I have none , none in you or your words, " I like you, your different" I am but you're not. All that's different is the way you'll end up leaving. Call me bitter but I see you here holding hands and looking at each other the way some of us would love to be looked at but all I can say is that blind lovers look at each more lovingly then I have. I envy you , I envy the fact you can wake up tomorrow and be gone and that would affect people , I envy the fact you can sleep tonight knowing that he or she next to you loves you , I envy the fact when I wake up tomorrow all that will be different is a time and day. Be patient they say she will come, yeah she will come but then she will go just as quick. No point in trying , no point in hoping or seeing myself with her in an hour from now let alone tomorrow because sadly my life and your life isn't the same because come tomorrow I'll seek meaning when all you have to do is wake up to one, I'll long for a home that won't ever exist with someone that doesn't exist and you'll wake up closer to it or in it ,only you know the blessings you have. This sounds like some sappy broken hearted fools tale of longing for a lover. It's a sappy broken hearted fools deepest thoughts and broken words of how he'd love to have a person be his person , trust him , love him , be with him and stand by him but like his name suggests his a broken hearted fool who believes in a fairytale that only exists in the world of an electronic box throwing him crafted pictures taken from a page a script written to give him false hope or ink on a page his crafted to be closer to his made up fairytale that he so longs for. And as for you , you aren't here and do you know why ? Because you are the same , you feed me lies give me hope and then ****** it all way , you do what she did ,you make me smile , make me feel , make me want to live again and feel as if I have a meaning ,as if I mean something to you ,if this time perhaps it's real and your words aren't as hollow as my soul. But letting you in will end in the same result ,letting my guard down will be an invitation to new Scars a self inflicted torture but maybe I love the pain , maybe the solitude and sorrow coupled with the torture of an absent lover covered by an illusion of one day sharing a warm home with her had gotten me addicted to the sharp pain of pleasure that tortures my being every time I see lovers love each other. You aren't here to hear this because in the end I am to you what today is to you , just another . My words are your food but the taste buds on your tongue will crave another for that's all I am and will ever be is a phase , a phase never to be loved or wanted.

Her smile still makes me smile,
She left but her memories stayed.
On that day , it was a Sunday,
She waited for me in the warm summer sun , her hair swayed gracefully just as she was.
She smiled and as did I.
That was the last day.
I broke a bond of perfection with my greed of dissatisfaction, I hurt a perfect love and I paid the ultimate price.
On that day , it was a monday,
She waited for me in the moon light, she laughed when she saw me , her voice still echos across my mind,
On the bench of that ice cream parlour we sat and on that bench I saw the glimmer in her eyes.
On that day it was the first day.
If prayers had to be answered she would be proof,
If men's greed needed proof , I am the proof.
Words cannot describe our moments, our bond but they can describe my guilt.
On the day it was a the last day ,
You said goodbye and I said goodbye and our moments came to an end,
All my mistakes , all my greed everything I done broke us.
All those days, all those moments once a pleasure then a curse and now it's all I have.
I hope to meet again someday,
Maybe that day I can see your grace again.
On this day . I think of our days when we were together and had a future before I broke it.
Time heals , but memories never fade and you will always be my greatest.

Her sky covers the tall monuments of man , she holds secrets that we are to afraid to tell , she speaks of stories of days when gold was pulled from her roots.
Her name , her place all in the mits of beauty , she is a world class city whos streets are still yet to be touched by my feet.
I've seen her at sun rise and at sun set when the fires of the people blaze in uproar as they beg for more.
She is my home , she  is home to thousands.
But she cries , she cries at 3am when the blood of a father is spilt for the paper in the leather bound casing , she breaks when mothers abandon their mistakes on her rail roads , she screams when the young and innocent venture to her deep dark parts in search to ruin their lives for fun , she feels the pain of the women and children who are fouled by men with no soul. I see her beauty in the torture as I drive through her heart and I break knowing her words are unspoken she has been violated , she feel cursed , she is our home but we have broken our walls.
She waits for the day her people see her pain and change for her happiness and I wait for the day the sun shines and I know my home is safe.

Gardens of roses appear ,
At the edge you stand in all your glory,
The beauty of both you and the roses tell me I'm dreaming.
You left so long ago, and I've counted the days and months since you left.
This field is all I have , as the sky darkens and the heavens open , you run towards me and I you , our arms meet and bodies intertwin , my hands at the lower of your back and your arms around me , I see you close your eyes and smile , I know this is all you've wanted , your scent stays on me , your warmth holds me and in the garden of roses we stand in the peak of our love , I look into your eyes and see only innocence , this moment is so precious , this moment so perfect , our minds agree in silence as our  lips meet our souls bond. The crack of thunder wakes me and all that's left is the memory of a dream so perfect it was a nightmare to wake up to the reality where the rose garden was filled with thorns and all it ended in was me cutting myself as you walked into the fields of green.

All the times I spent starring at you in the moments your mind ventured away ,
All the times I spent my nights pondering of you in search of the light ,while you slept through the darkness,
All the times I told you I loved you, all these times have decayed into the fabric of gone and forgotten time.
The memories of the nights we spent , the days we had and all the times I was grateful to have you as mine.
Your promises were like flames and our love was the fuel, in the end you were miles away from the explosion and I alone burnt.
All the times you gave me hope when I had none ,
All the times I looked to you for structural  support,
All foolish times,
And I alone was the kingdoms clown for believing you could be different.
A fool is a fool , and I was the biggest of them all.
I'd call our love a curse , a waste of time and detest the moments I spent with you , but a fool is a fool and I'm the biggest of them all.
May happiness find it's way to you , may true love venture to your heart and may you never do to him what has been done on to me.
But a fool is a fool and I'm the biggest of them all so I wish you well but in this grieving moment I do not griev I rejoice in the freedom you gave , and to the memories we made I make a flame to guide me out of the dark and leave to decay in the place you so eagerly left me.