look at you
standing there
with your heart at your feet
dumped where i left it
battered & shattered
torn to shreds
tears in your eyes
but a smile on your face
"it's okay, it was a mistake.
you didn't mean to hurt me."

i laugh
not at your desperation
or your desire to please me
i laugh
because you're infront of me
clutching on to the remains of your heart
& i don't feel a thing
not guilt
nor remorse
n o t h i n g

but i suppose that's what happens
when pretty little boys like you
fall in love with messy girls like me

I was lost and felt alone
I needed and wanted more
I was tired of the life I was living for
I wanted something to live for

Then you came into my life
Opened my eyes to things I never knew
Turned me into the person I am
But there was more work for you to do

You then tore me apart
Ripped me to shreds
You hurt and broke me
With what you did and said

Some days, it hits me harder than others. I can wake up in the morning and build myself up to a mountain's peak. I can feed myself love and forgiveness, and swear to the sky that I am complete. I can speak to the lives around me of the love that I found in my own darkness.

But my words aren't big enough to hide the cracks that form in my underlying foundation. Other days, everything is still. I'm bottled up with words that I can't bring myself to speak. I lay as time passes endlessly by. I hide myself in the depths of solitude, knowing well enough that no one would make the voyage to save me. So, I just stop. I stop hoping, and expecting and feeling. Time passes, but I don't move along with it.

I'm all alone**
No one is here to stop me pulling the trigger
When I decide that life isn't worth it
When I feel that I should just end
Dying all alone
No one is here to catch me
When I fall into the pits of hell
Crying my eyes out
As the fire burns my arms and legs
No one is here to save me
When I drown in my own sadness
When my tears change into anchors
Dragging me to the deepest parts of the ocean
No one is here to rip my mask off
The one which has a dripping red smile on
Which everyone gladly believed
Despite red paint falling at their feet
No one is here to tell me I'm worth it
To call me a jewel
Precious
Unique

That's just it
No one is here for me
I'm all alone

i.

Daily, she summon's me
To her banquet of love;
As tis we shalt announce
A wedding with dove's.

ii.

The ivory creature's
Shalt be released from her Palm's;
I always readeth her hand's
They telleth of the future, and God above.

iii.

Preordained we were
Made for eachother we art;
The celestial recorded ourn name's
Written in the star's.

iv.

As tis, we shalt not part
In life, nor in death;
Whilst the world shalt end
I shalt holdeth her hand's, completed, blessed.



©Brandon nagley
©Lonesome poet's poetry
©Earl Jane nagley dedication