I lost it all with each
second from wake
to sleep there are no
colours desire expired
motivation lost in
silent minutes carved
upon my wrists here
under heavy covers
subdued as the dog
next door endlessly
barks I am nothing.

Less than nothing,
Born into Oblivion
Carving iridescent
Beauty
Through these
endless
Streams of pity.
I counted the world
Upon your lips,
I found my
Sweet Damnation.

It's just another year
Nothing more of consequence
A little older, none the wiser
Endlessly repeating; attack/defence
Always losing fated falling
Is it will that I lack?
Faking faith and joy and reason
While serious as a heart attack
So let's pretend it didn't happen
No words of love on printed card
Just leave me with the bottle
Celebration shouldn't be this hard
**** this life and all I ever lost
Put to end this sorry day
All I ever learned in total —
The way to win is not to play

**** every minute
**** every day
**** the exits
**** finding a way
**** your agenda
**** all your lies
**** your true face
**** your disguise
**** the liberals
**** Donald Trump
**** building your wall
you ignorant chump
**** the hate you inspired
**** the love that fell flat
**** taking our heroes
We're all tired of that
**** the hope that expired
**** the future unseen
But most of all —
**** 2016

Never make
those promises
Never say "forever"
You won't die
Or fall apart
Just because you're
not together.
When your lover
Breaks your heart,
Know that
you'll survive
Even if without them
It's less fun
to be alive.
Pain might linger
Hurt may show
Time could start
to slow.
Love is temporary
Seasons come
and go.

Obliterate the rest of me,
While darkness dies inside.
Lead my rusted bones astray,
Restore my wounded pride.
Annihilate the sting of hope,
Erase its sorry stain.
Kiss away each vapid tear,
Take away the pain.
Desecrate my leaden heart,
Cull the weary past.
For dreams of love are fragile,
And are not meant to last.

A heart
Will die a thousand times.
Love
Won't work out right.
Sadness is a
Circle ****.
Hope won't burn
So bright.
Wars are fought
Without consent
A world so wrapped
In sin.
If every day is ending
How can I begin?

I lost you
a year ago
The love that eased
My suffering
Is now
a mark
a noose
a sting
A sign that
love was here
Despite the ugliness inside,
You kept me whole
Through Hell,
Until you couldn't.
Your heart so generous
I miss its tender light.
I miss your
midnight breath,
Dying. Dying.
Helplessly.
God,
end these nights of pain.

This death I wish
upon myself
Will wait another
Day
Unless the world
has other
plans
To take my soul
Away.

I'm so sorry
we don't talk anymore.
I'm so sorry
if I took it all to heart.
I don't know how I got this lost —
How it all fell apart.
I'm so sorry
I can't find my way.
I'm so sorry
I have to go.
This pain is inescapable,
Like footprints in the snow.
I'll leave behind
a note for you —
Words that once meant more.
Words that once meant only love
Though now feel more like war.

Through strange
misfortune
Astral coincide,
Our paths crossed.
Signals passed
Tangential sorrow
Connected
Unlikely fellows.
abstract
code
Pointed, slyly
To your door.
You helped me see
The world anew.

Oh **** your heart!
It didn't care at all.
You left me in
The gutter
But couldn't stand to watch
                                          me fall.
The words we shared
Were meaningless.
All truths
Are null and void.
I guess it didn't matter,
You weren't the one being destroyed.
So run!
And call it mercy
If it helps you sleep at night —
You can rename an atrocity
But it'll never make it right.

I buried what goodness
Remained
Under the earth,
So deep,
Never to be found again.
Now all that remains,
An anti soul
Free from the humanity
That clawed its measure
Upon my heart.

Were it not for you —
I'd wish the world would end.
All stories cut,
Mid sentence.
Humanity stubbed out,
Like a wilting cigarette.
Cataclysmic delight!
Even in our state of disrepair,
I love you too **** much.
Thankfully,
We get on so much better —
Now that we don't talk.
Our love,
Is death
by a thousand cuts.
Stinging us softly,
Into submission.

It was always so
            always this way.
With each new day
So full of dismay.
The feelings corrupt
Fading fast
Passing by,
Holding my breath
Waiting to die.
The dawn brings
No light.
No promise.
No love.
Just a trial of despair
To rise above.
The weekend
Brings no comfort,
Just the trauma
Of loss.
No matter
The price,
I won't pay the cost.

Your love
Twisted
A cruel blade
In my heart.
I smiled
Unknowingly,
As each
Loveless
Incision
Hit their mark
So perfectly.

I am gone.
Adrift thru cold dead air,
Lost in the horizon.
There's no comfort,
No means of adaptation.
Only this void.
          this loveless space.
Out here I am forgetting you —
Slowly,
As my oxygen depletes.

I am not afraid
To live,
To die.
But to stagnate
Is
To pull my heartstrings
From
Its hard casing.
Abandoned,
In a world that
No longer understands.
There is nothing
Left,
Only a love that doesn't
Touch us.

Cold. Hearted.
Fiend.*
You were not
mistaken.
I took
crooked vows
men you knew before
with candy hearts
Sweet as the lies
they call home.
This callous spirit — a
****** talisman,
My only protection
My violent core
Will shake
Your grey foundations.

Unshaken
Beyond this simple world
I have become unlike
Them all.
Wandering
Behind realms
Lost.
Unknown and
Rejected.
Not looking for
A way back,
Just a way out.

I never felt more alone
than at a party —
Amidst the revelry.
The laughter and merrymaking,
Like an unfamiliar song.
Confirming my rank,
Outsider.
Fiend.
Ne'er-do-well.
Chasing the moon
in the gutter.
Far from the strange libretto of joy.
Far from the jubilation.
With your ghost —
All dark hair and poison kisses.
You left me out in the cold...
Where I belong.

I walked down to the water
To feed the birds.
Joyful,
For me.
But the tears fell as I sat on the bank,
Children stopping to wonder
What would make a grown man
So lost.

Teeth that sink
Into my skin
Hellish,
With their mighty thorn
Spiral pain
into my heart
Mighty with
    vampiric sting.

From far beyond
I fought against the waves
Pushing for years
Against this ugly tide,
Only to be left a corpse
Bobbing uncontrollably
Without will or whim,
My lungs filled with brine
Dragging me to depths unknown.
I see not a solitary soul
Down here, amongst these
darkened fathoms.
Not even the stars — so bright,
Can reach me now.
Sinking into my own
Silent universe.
Was it better to have known company,
Only to feel its loss?
Years now.
Tens of years.
Maybe I was always alone,
Just a shadow walking human shores.
A dream that lost track,
A foolish daydream.
Now I am home
Hidden from everything —
Swallowed by nothing.

Because I miss you every day
Because the sky is falling
Because sirens call my name
Though the flesh
will melt
And silence wept
Because I'm lost and ragged
Because my words
are
slowly shedding
I misplaced love that
found me
Because,
My only reason.

It's your birthday
Though I should resist
Wishing you well.
It's been over a year
Since we talked,
I stayed away
That was my gift.
So you moved on —
I tried to forget.
It was all "for the best"
But my heart bleeds regret
And I fail the test.

The lies we tell
our lovers
our friends
Hurt more than any
Malice could.
I'll always love you.
I'll always be your friend.
Don't ever say those words.
They cut deeper than you know.

It has me by the throat,
Choking life from me
Stealing emphasis.
It has me by the throat,
A lesson in perseverance
Never to be learnt.
It has me by the throat,
A cruel tender grip
Without mercy
Without remorse.
Quietly.
It's over soon,
Don't fight.

I slept all day and
swam beneath black waves,
Neither alive nor drowning
Just hidden from harm.
Safe within the
nothingness,
Free from guilt & pain
Absolved from burden,
Never wanting to find
my way back
To bitter consciousness.

People talk about sacrifice,
People talk about devotion.
People say:
"I'd take a bullet for you."
I would have
For you.
And when you left —
*It felt like I had.

I'm not grateful
For all these days
(of pain).
I'm not grateful
For this life.
I don't want to see
A miracle.
I want to burn it
To the ground.
The love you gave,
I didn't ever want.
The love you gave,
I didn't need.
I just want
to give it all away.
Say goodbye.
Watch me bleed.

A burning house
So beautiful
In my dreams, every night
Slowly turning love
To ash
In the pale moonlight.

Tho raw misfortune faded
And I may be alone
It doesn't mean I changed my mind
Or wandered far from home
Thoughts still barb like hooks
Kisses lost their taste
Promises changed meaning
As we fell from grace
Instead I ache for passion
An all consuming fire
Honest, complicated
Thunder soaked desire
Consume my cause & motive
***** the brutal past
Love my dying embers
I wasn't meant to last

Darling,
This pain will last forever.
I'm bleeding out,
Lovingly dismembered,
Hung on hooks.
Cherished.
A spectral heart
Pumping dust
throughout my veins.
This holy temple,
Now in ruins.
Now a tomb.
Burning, desecrated.
Love laid gently to rest...
Godless, evermore.

My heart,
This colossal piston
Is slowly halting.
Sickly,
In its cavity.
Poisoned.
Bleating,
Its final rhythmic chorus.
No more.
No more.
No more.

I am master
Of my foolish heart,
Of every last mistake.
Each word that slips,
My downfall
Sings of the Inevitable.
The losing hand,
The heartless bluff
Is only my design.
Each lonely path,
Each unheard gasp.
Always had to be.
A self-fulfilling prophecy.
A self-destructive irony.
I'm master
Of this pitiless dream.

The walls are dripping black
My inner monologue
A flat, dull rasp.
My heart
Like the flicker of a dying candle
Happy to fade.
There is nothing left
                nothing to lose
                               to keep me safe.
You think I'm here
Playing those endless ******* games
Keeping score.
No
I've written my goodbye
Carved in flesh.
Idling,
Between Scylla and Charybdis
Just for kicks.
Courting the waves
In final damnation
Yours sincerely.
My empty gaze
This twitching wound
Your cruel tongue.

I hate this world
of noise
and greed
That grows
much smaller with
each day.
Terror
Is the dawn
Of light,
Solitude serves
To shape the clay.
I fight
Though there is
Nothing left,
Struggle yields to
Slow decay.
Remember me
As darkness blooms
Know
My heart has
gone away.

Friday night.
I feel my bones forgotten
Disassembling character.
Ghostly lungs still breathing,
Shallow.
Heartstring,
Hanging from the gallow.
Gone
Before the morning sun.

The love that died
Left a hole
All dreams
Trickled through,
With them
The resilience needed
To keep living.
It was never
her fault.
Somebody had
to be the last.

I don't remember,
The last time I cared as much
As I care about you.
Everything,
Everyone
Else has always
Felt rather temporary
And disposable.
(And I never minded that).

I don't know if that's
Tragic or beautiful.

Each day fades to nothing,
No matter the lies
I tell myself.
The hardest words to say,
So easily ignored.
Trying to exist
For the only reason
that should matter,
The urge to live.
Shouldn't I feel that?
Shouldn't I breathe
And swim in glory (if only rarely)?
Instead, I cannot keep the night at bay —
The darkness without question,
The Underworld.
Tell me there's something else.
Let me feel again.
Some sweetness, Forgiveness.
Pleasure, Passion.
Truth. With new eyes.

You spare me a minute.
Some words,
Casual sentiment with hooks.
***'s marking my demise —
Buried in self-pity and hope.
Who believes those sappy love flicks?
Heartthrob, tragedy and love saves the day!
Beginning, middle, end.
Counterfeit.

Never.
Seen.
It.
Happen.

Love bleeds,
Dying on the vine.
In truth, there are no happy endings.
Just endings.

The world collapses Inward
upon itself.
I don't want to live like this
anymore Goodbye to all
the doubters.
Farewell Hell, I'll see you soon
Anew
The Underworld burns
brighter In reality.
Flames licking with clarity.
Your endless torment —
A bore.
I died this way a thousand times
Night and Day.

I won't go through this again.
What's it matter
             When all I ever cared
Left reasons to be thrown away.
Isn't it enough —
To see?
To comfort?
To find familiarity
In unfamiliar love.
Each person I touch,
Is a memory.
Fading.Sweeping.
Slowly.Creeping.
To darker corners.
Unwilling.
To play their part.
This pantomime is such a bore.
Is it really so hard?
All I want
Is what you owe.

Another waking gasp!
Cold realisation
The day reset
Under the weight of
expectation
and wonder
Slowly surpassed by
flagging
ambition.
managing
Monolithic Mundanity.
carelessly
Crushed Creativity.
sorely
Sapped Strength.
deathly
Drowned Desire.

Words purposefully sent
      Will cruelly dangle, stillborn
in this night air
      They are echoes
struggling
                              against a current of denial
      falling short
      among
the corpses of the living
the laughter
Empty Trajectories
                    doomed
              never to be heard,
Just whispered
in the back of my skull.

For a moment,
I forgot.
The world no longer knows her name.
A second after waking —
She's still warm in my arms.
A glorious tomb
Transformed into a sick joke.
"*******."
Words spat in the face of God,
Nobody.
No undeniable devise, reason or rebuke.
It's over,
Quit yer struggling.
Embrace this tireless oblivion.

Dear*
I can't call anyone else that,
After you.
I meant every word,
I left them to you.
Only you were so dear,
Only you
Earned that word.