I'm sorry that
I do not come with a manual,
a warning.
All I've got is the
"Handle With Care"
stamp, marked on my forehead.
Please forgive me for I tend
to malfunction from
time to time.
I wish it was easy.
When I get so sad that
I cannot leave my bed,
turn to page 37, section B
for care instructions.
But loving me
is not that simple.
I ask that you
proceed with caution,
some parts of me
are still being repaired.

I stare your eyes
and I see love
I touch your skin
and I feel your warmth
I smell you
and I imagine a forest after the rain
I listen to your voice calling  my name
and I hear a symphony
I watch you
and I see my destiny

Remember when I stood on building’s top
So close to your cold fingers, yet still held
By Life’s hot grasp, my heart still beating strong?
I felt you for a moment, you compelled
My toes to inch, so slow, towards the drop;
I felt your fingers round my ankles close;
I welcomed it, that feeling, and I smiled;
You blossomed in my heart just like a rose;
It rose its rate so it would sooner stop;
I closed my eyes and raised my arms to you
But life pulled back my soul from ice embrace.
I felt then this same pull that I now do,
This urge to leave behind all life can give
For freedom, ignorance, unconscious bliss.

I saw you yesterday,
walking down the hill in front of me;
there were three steps between us, I counted
as I avoided looking at your hair.
I remember the feel of it through my fingers,
like cool water;
I clenched my fist against it.
Your phone rang in your pocket, and your
slender fingers picked it up and held it to your ear;
my eyes couldn't tear themselves away from the curve of your hand,
I couldn't help but see the ghost of my fingers intertwined with yours,
the way we used to be.
And then I heard your voice.
I could see the smile in the way you formed the words,
and I could feel the warmth of your breath on my cheek like when we used to spend
hours staring into each other's eyes - it was all we needed.
You laughed, and my heart fluttered - I remembered
how it used to fly at the sound, and chirp like a bird in its cage.
I thought maybe I'm over you, now,
Now I can be this close to you, and refuse to touch you.
We reached the bottom of the hill, and you turned left,
and my feet turned with you
for a second;
You turned to leave me for a second time,
my God,
the softness of your skin like moonlight, blushed with roses,
and freckled with stars,
and your lips, like apples, your eyes like blooming
buds of something wonderful,
my stomach flipped as you turned towards me,
knowing that I would never be able to run away from this,
knowing how much I needed you, how much I missed you,
and knowing that I could never love another in this lifetime;
But it wasn't you at all.

The cracks in my skin reveal the truth.
The reality that I'm breaking.
My whole being is destroyed slowly
to leave the remains of nothing,
nothing left but a broken shell.

The hollow shell of an empty human.
A forgotten soul neglected in the corners of a dark room.
Left to gather dust and anything possible
to have some sort of value,
to find purpose.

My skin breaks away from me like it never belonged.
Cell by cell my meaning is lost
and that all is left is bones for dead.

But until I get to that point my skin will crack,
and will continue to crack until I'm gone.