rusty spoons,

broken chandeliers,

wasted berries,

empty glasses

dead wine


a love that fades,

faster,

than I could drink

cold,

but longing


the pleasure of nothingness

the touch of nothingness

the sound of nothingness

the taste of nothingness

I crave emotion like I crave pizza
But I can't have it
I can't let myself devour every ounce of love that comes my way
I can't become dependent on the infamous L word that has broken me
I'm emotionally anorexic,
But sometimes I'm bulimic
Sometimes I'll hunt down my prey, and **** them dry of their love
I'll crave it until I'm stuffed full, and then I'll purge it out
I'll tell them I hate them,
I'll tell them to leave forever
I'll push them away until I'm broken and sad and alone
And anorexic again
Until I'm back where I belong, in the corner of my room
Crying, sobbing, craving affection, but not letting myself have it
Because I don't want to be fat with lust
I can't gain a single pound because if I do
I'll be weak.

there are some who want a thinner waist
and others who just don't like the taste
of food they feel they do not deserve

some eat cake with their eyes
while others are busy planning their demise
one wants to see bones, another, headstones

one could love themselves if they were just 40 pounds thinner
"maybe i'll love myself if i just skip dinner"
the other has no appetite, a battle with calories she does not fight

a battle, rather, with herself
to **** herself or stay in living hell
too preoccupied to care what is on the pantry shelf

there are some who want a thinner waist
and others who just don't like the taste
of food they feel they do not deserve

black coffee
bookstores
cheekbones and cracked lips
i am sick

i lie about being a bad liar
and people believe me

filling up the void with cold skin
where a mind full of words sing
out of tune and out of luck
the summer this year is shorter
and memories just keep haunting
the ghost of nothing in particular
pimples rise like high mountains
in a cold shower of stagnant water

I take two,
double the suggested dose
but as I look at the clock
and notice the time
I get tempted to take more.
For it’s 2:18 a.m.
And nothing else will help me
at this point