this is the fifth time today my eyes fall closed.
in a minute or two i'll dissolve into the night sky.
i've become much more silent,
but only a little less eager.
i'm tired during her absences,
and she vividly walks in dreams.

this is the third time this week i think of cigarettes.
i wonder how i manage to survive the suffocation.
i'm living with severe headaches,
and loving my personal sadness.
so in turn i put death between my lips,
and slowly breathe my life away.

this is the first time you affect me this way.
and i dug deep in the earth to find you alive.
i want you as much as i don't.
it's like nicotine and sleep;
more than a little and less than too much,
just enough,
until we are airborne for good.

the most humble thing you can do
is strip somebody down to the
pureness they truly are.

forget the shape of the nose
forget the colour of the eyes
forget the curve of her waist
forget the tattoo on his arm
forget the unnecessities

only this way you will
come to love them whole,
genuinely and exactly as they exist.

this world is a ****** up world
a messed up spidery web
you make me feel like i'm split in half
i never even wished for you
but i still can't lose you

you're the atlantic ocean dried out
you're silent fireworks in summer
you're a cat that barks songs in C sharp
you're time ticking backwards
you're cells merging instead of dividing
you're a book written in punctuation

you're something i don't understand

and honestly
   that's what
       frightens
           me the
              most.

i scooped a lover out of the deep blue water
i scooped a nemesis out of the bright blue sky
the century played out,
the night extinguished,
so we can divide our luck, into
split-second decisions, into
comfort around strangers.

guilt stained hands move over your back
with no plot in mind they trace your spine,
get to know your nerves,
collect the pages,
of a stranger's mind.

once i was in love with a girl.

she was as fragile as a snowflake,
and as strong as the howling wind.
when she danced her hair became the waves,
and her eyes lit up in green like grass.

five years ago i was in love.

i called her my girl, echoing across the air.
she never really heard me.
instead she only left me her fingerprints,
engraved in my skin.

the snow melted,
the wind subsided,
and the echoes faded.

i never knew her name.

a lonesome old man with a wandering eye
slumped in the shadows of the wild and animal forest.
i watched him grow into a rusty tricycle,
dominating dusty lanes and pavements without direction;
and endless world ******* up dirt under his wheels;

dissolving memory like effing oxygen in lungs,
yelling sing-song celebrations between the leaves,
completely unwrapped, a drive, a rhythm, a trance,
a state, ignited, lost hearts; lost times;

worn tricycle, overgrown boy.
we left the lights on to hush
and i pretended he was young
for every minute he was alive and dead.

the great darkness will swallow you whole,
puke and spit you out where your body is;
will tattoo sweat on your back in jet black
ink in blurs, here with your head down;
will scratch over your bare breast and leave marks,
for every acquaintance long gone;

the great darkness will be mean, reuniting the path
of a spine and breaking that head;
circling around in patriarchal patterns that
shifted and shivered swam away;
a raw verse stuck on two hands, waiting to be cut
out in words and palm lines,
painstakingly and cautious and reckless;

reckless like the great darkness is,
no wandering eye will show it,
no racing heart will catch up,
no thinking brain will recognise the blueprints,
you will render love useless like you know

and you know it: give in
and the great darkness will too.