Turning arrows into flowers
Morphing heartbreaks into superpowers
Changing losses into lessons
And bending betrayals into blessings

I love to see people
LOVE one another.
I miss those days
of passing notes
and meeting in person
just to say hey.

Or those long nights
of chatting on the phone for hours.
Listening to slow jams and
telling each other your greatest desires.

Full of Romance.
Filled with Friendship.
Loads of Laughter.

Technology,
both the curse
and the blessing.

Lyrical—
like poetry in motion.
Rhythmic—
like the motion of the ocean.

Fluid like a breeze
passin with great ease,
Movin through the branches
Dancin through the leaves.

Flowin like my mind,
Going over time,
puffin on some trees,
Like truth I’m bout to find.
Stayin on my grind.
Leavin fear behind.
Blastin through the cosmos
like my stars are all aligned.
Quantum physics redefined,
The beauty of being kind.
Travel thru dimensions,
A universal mastermind.

This illusory time
alluding to retain us-
Yet the conscious mind
refuses to contain us.

Recondition of the masses,
Before time comes to pass us.
before it’s all too late
Start movement to change
Let’s wake each other up
Let’s take control over our fate.

Again and again,
Love it till it’s over,
live it till it’s fin.


A reflection of your life spent,
a vessel that you’ve been lent,
so go forth with intent.

Gratitude for all worth
Know you are important
Every breath, and all birth.

Your light that resides true
In the poetry inside you.
The vibration stays fluid,
Like the love that is intuit.
You’re a medium— a conduit.
Yeah, now you’re catchin onto it.

High frequency—-
Waves of love
True vibrancy,
Bonds—-
you are free of.

Faith in self,
No need for vaunt,
lovin what you have
not havin what you want.
Give it all you got
till you got nothin left,
Then take the deepest breath
And give it once again.

Clinging to my artistic integrity,
like its full of helium
And about to float away from me.

My poetic release in a world of uncertainty,
Gives me control,
no one to manipulate me.

At a time of utter disregard
for human decency,
This artistic exclamation is my relief.

From the chaos of personal grief
And misunderstandings
and unjust decrees.

How is it that we can no longer SEE
each other at all,
for the light that we bring?

Reminiscent of the way your voice resonated in my ears as you sang to yourself softly.

You caressed my neck with a gentle strength,
and the compounds of time dissolved as the moment took control over us both.

In that moment, I was yours.
Not quite strangers, but not yet lovers,
just two longing humans in each others embrace.

Bound to you by the frequencies which emanated through each one of your fingertips,
surging into my body,
next into my psyche,
and finally then— my soul.

True bliss comes
in reinvention of the self,
when zero
expectations are held.

Yet you still
have full faith
in the numerous
possibilities that await.

I’m so wrapped up in you,
your voice is music to me.
Synonymous to the scent of
a salty ocean breeze.

Like a whiff of the first bud
on a wild rose blooming,
or the violet sensations
of magnolias in spring.

It sings to my soul,
like it’s all I’d ever need
to be completely fulfilled
and eternally pleased.

A melodic symphony,
of a thousand strings,
so powerful it moves me
to the core of my being.

To get lost in you,
comes with so much ease,
encompassed in your presence,
as if all time has ceased.

Fantasizing of a love that’s real,
To quell this hopeful romantic,
Of old tainted promises and feels.

A bond far beyond all that traverses,
A loyalty that’s unbreakable,
Traveling dimensions and universes.

Unable to be destroyed or dismembered,
Unassailable in its roots,
Yet vulnerable to remember.

All the ups, as well as all the downs.
The daunting fears and the woes,
The worrisome cries with the frowns.

Love that has faced true consequences,
Made such immense sacrifice,
Defying all common senses.

Always and forever choosing one another,
Despite hardships or challenges,
Standing strong by each other.

No longer give in, until truth, I refrain
As I wait to behold that lover-
Hopefully romantic I shall remain.

I'm pretty sure all poetry has left me.
As if it just packed up and hit the road.
Like my words no longer dance or sing.
Like they have forgotten all melodies.
Assimilated tone deafness.
Compound letdowns retract vulnerabilities.
Brick walls and leather skin replace possibilities.
Reckless love and whimsical fantasies,
Replaced by ***** diapers and piles of laundry.
Consonants and vowels blend to mush.
Aches and accomplishments are one in the same.
All of my agony has turned to apathy,
And I wonder.
How could I let poetry walk away from me?
How have I become so broken that I can no longer write?
Words have no ability to woe me.
Vocabulary is no longer my saving grace.
Void of creativity.
Like somehow life has gotten too messy for me to express.
Series of catastrophes and celebrations run together.
And I feel lost.
And I feel blessed.
But oh so empty.
Poetry come back to me.

Now that the blanket is
lifted from my head,
I am gifted
With the gift
Of my own breath.

Why did you do this to me?
What's the point?
Because I couldn't cook to your liking?
Because I wasn't freaky enough in bed?
Because I wanted you all to myself?
9 vehicles, 4 houses, 1 warehouse,
And yet you can't spare a thing for your family?
Our 3 year old cries to go home.
But we have no home.
It sits empty.
Void like the space where your heart used to be.
While me and your 2 children,
Soon to be three,
Share one small room,
As I work my *** off to try to make it out.
Almost 5 months pregnant,
Searching for work.
Begging for a miracle.
I'll never understand this.
I hate you.
How could you care so little?
Why?
I just wish I knew why..

Failure to flee,
Preemptively,
Has lead me to be,
Alone with 3.
6 little hands,
30 tiny toes,
1 broken heart,
4 hopeful souls.

To hate someone
so fiercely,
To have been hurt
beyond conception,
And yet still
care?

Wanting to so badly
just smash my head
against the wall and
make it stop.

How could I still..
After all you did?
No better yet ..
How could you?!
How could you throw me out
So viciously?
Naked, broken,
Pregnant
Again.

With that sinister smile
on your face
As you enjoyed it.
Every step of the way.
Growing gayer
off of my sheer devastation.

There is no way I could still..
**** dear god why do I still..
No I dont still..
I wish I didn't still..
Love
You.

Sweetest sensation of blindness
Washes over my sight
As I gaze upon your soulless vessel.

Victorious, the transparency that
Allows for my spectacles to see
Beyond.

I look at you sitting here,
Only arm lengths in front of me,
Yet I cannot SEE you.

As if you no longer exist.

Haunted by the thought of you.

Nightmares terrorize
And torment my slumber,
Even though you're gone.

As if you never left.
Like I had never even ran.

Kicking my face in.
Pushing me to death.

You shower me with maggots.
And as they pour down my body,
And death seems like a gift,
You keep me.

Alive
Just enough.

To keep me.

Quitting is never easy.
Falling into the mundane,
Living in the crevices of routine,
Now that's simple.
Not a problem.
Repetition comes like a dance.
You reside in each move,
Numb,
Mindless.
Muscle memory does all the work.
Until the music runs out.
And you stand without motion.
Without direction.
You realize you have been dancing,
For ages,
But have no idea what moves you even made.
Hollow,
Yet you have this dance.
Activivating automatically.
And as the awareness grows stronger,
That urge to repeat,
Grows dimmer and dimmer.
Until one day finally,
After ages of practice,
The music begins
Yet you refuse to dance.

In love with life
Though I am not attached.
I am blessed with many gifts,
And loved by those who SEE.
I do fear.
I do loath.
Though mostly I rejoice
Just to be alive.
I see beyond this form.
To the dimensions which dance between.
And when my form here ends,
I know I will still see.
I love my life,
But I am not attached.

Sometimes I like to stare in the mirror.
Not because of vanity.
Not because of conceit.
Purely to see my own energy.
To look straight into my own soul.
My reflection releases me,
Reminds me this is just temporary.
I love to look at myself,
And notice something new everyday.
The days pass and I change.
I grow.
Not up or down.
But sideways.
And around.
I reflect on the past.
And even the future too.
I look in the mirror and I see.
I see.

Afflicted upon by mass ****** suffering.
Unable to decipher whether internally or ex.
I tremble under the wash of black that engulfs all light touches.
Blurred vision, impaired by sheer surprise.
Alone and ripe.
Black and blue.
Inside and out.
I fight for nothing;
For a man that knows no loyalty.
Broken hand.
Broken heart.
Broken home.
Four years of come and go,
Two and fro,
Back and fourth,
Lie some more.
Four years I'd loved him.
Forever in my heart.
Foolish I chose such, no honor,
no respect.
Little effort. Lazy ***.

If I could still write poetry-

I'd write about how you betrayed me.
I'd make it a lyrical nursery
That gently cradled all my insecurities.

They'd bounce around from wave to wave,

Like an ominous symphony.
Synomous to love,
yet fueled by defeat.

If I could still write poetry.

I'd write about being second best,
I'd write about loosing you, and
Above all else- loosing rest.

If I could somehow still write-

Maybe this feeling would flee.
Perhaps then I could show you.
Perhaps then you could see.

In a world of reality and concrete,
We exist in opposition.
While you reside in the physical and tangible,
I resonate in the mystical.  
Our realms do not meet.

If I could alter my position in the stars,
For you I would.
I'd skew the right angle at which we sit
So we could finally see eye-to-eye.

I would be the flames for your airy aura to feed.  

If I could-
I would..

Lamenting lost love
hidden behind harmonies,
(synonymous to symphony)
resonates absently.
Like making love
to a stranger.
Like you make love
to me.
Void of all passion,
like revenge of apathy.
Apathetic entirely,
the emptiness that fuels you
emphasizes decrees.
Standard-less standards
validate your need
to dismantle the mantled,
and devour the diseased,
to command and to seize,
to exploit the exploited,
and explore every scene—
every pelvis, and every scream.

How did I fall for such a—
loveless being?
Better yet,
How do I disintegrate re-memories,
Or abolish aplitic fallacies,
and survive soullessly?
(How must I do these things!?)
Here I plead
surrounded, unattentively,
summoning recognition
for the being
whom resides in me.

Resurrecting old wounds,
(chore almost seems daily)
almost seems like it’s alive,
like maybe one day
it might save me.
More likely, one day
it will concave me.  

But without knowledge
there is no upset.
And no upset means
no you and me.

Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
Her heart holds Him, but her hand aborts.
Searching for confirmation of a better world,
She prays to discern it, but without worship.
A believer she is, yet still fully skeptical.
She deciphers reflections from the gnostic,
The reality from the deceptive.
And hoping to fully and optimally filter the fictive
She dances with Him, going solely with the wind,
To wherever His capriciousness takes her.
She bows upon His whim.

No longer shall I mourn the promises we never kept,
Miss the morning dances, or the nights we never slept.
I shall not miss how you inspired me to do my best,
Nor long for how if felt with my head upon your chest.
I leave you, for I love you more than you could ever see.
I pray for your happiness, perpetually set you free.

I live in a house of glass.

I wash the windows,
just as I wash my ***.

I sport shredded socks,

I never admit when I am wrong,
and almost always

throw rocks.

The house I lived in was like a chorus
of five-hundred elementary school-age children,
singing with all their might.

No mention or worry
to whether they hit the right note or not,
all that matters is that they try.

The air rings with carefree melody,
dancing and charismatic.
Rhythmic- full of life, love, and passion.

The house I lived in was perfect--
in all its imperfection.

it only hurts
because i need you
to love me
like i do you
because i
see in your eyes
loving me is a
battle you despise
i felt it fade
furiously
like a majestic beast
tearing through me

it only hurts because
i love you

I could sit here with you
                                                forever.
Sta­ring into the sky.-
Melting into your           soul.
Not needing noise.
Modestly moving,
Embracing each-others warmth.
You owe me nothing,
Yet you offer the
                                               world.
I love you, ILoveYou,          I          LOVE          YOU!!!

             ­                     You are the roots
                                                           ­           To my tree.

you killed it.
okay,-
maybe it was me.
possibly killed it with my jealousy.
or maybe with my own incompetency.
or with my ignorance.
or just plain mania, you see.
i guess i can't say you killed what used to be.
its my fallacy.
forgive me please,
this place no longer renders-
the heart of my vile poetry.

Feeling like a waste of human life
seems to be disgustingly more and more
familiar to me each day.
With every breath I take,
I can’t help but to feel it is misplaced.

I feel like drowning,-
just compiling all this hate,
all my fears, my repressed anger,
my feelings of loss, and self loathing,
and taking them-
and letting em' eat away at my pores-  
letting em' impregnate my lungs-
as I wither,
until nothing more but a hollow shell remains.

I feel like setting fire to this face.
Taking that cheap molten metal,
and instead of to my wrist,
applying it to my brain;
letting it simmer and burn until there is no more pain.
I choose to wallow, dwell, and hold onto this rage
for reasons we call,
"insane".

I constantly, consistently,
no matter the consequence,
or the grief I may bring,
sabotage anything I could possibly EVER have going for me.
I am my own worst enemy.
I feel like I am screaming.
Like every fight we ever had,
I was blatantly clear of what it is I fear,
but I am wrong,
I didn’t tell you once what was REALLY going on.

Not once did I say I just feel useless today.
I miss my brother and his familiar face.
I think about him with every heart beat,
living in a tent, fighting this war of greed,
just counting down until he can finally be-
returned home to his loving new family.
I hold him very close to my heart,
and his absence is quite frankly,
TEARING me apart.

I wish He could have been here for our Father in his time of need.
I know Dad wishes that too.
I wish I knew how to deal with loss better.
I only feel guilt, and bitterness.
I feel like in the years I have been alive,
that I should have DONE MORE!
I should have gotten to know my grandfather before-
it was too late.
What a selfish, putrid being
I have grown to be.

I wish my brother could see
our beautiful Mother finally
get the wedding she always dreamed.
Instead….
He will only see pictures.
He will only be with us in our hearts,
and on paper,
and on Anthony’s tux.
I hope Momma takes it well.
It will be an ever bittersweet memory.
What irony.

I have been thinking about using again.
As often as I blink,
I fight this demon inside of me,
just pleading to be set free,
yet instead,
I allow it to consume me.

Falling, flitting, failing, quitting.
A ****** battle that I just can’t seem to win,
silent, yet shrieking
from this prison we call-
“within”.

have you ever tried to drown in your own bathtub?
it doesn't really work.
unless yours is around five feet deep (or more),
it probably didn't work for you either.
sadly mine is standard.
maybe a foot and a half of water-
at the most.
and when i laid down to drown,
the water barely covered my face.
blasphemy!
maybe i should try face down,
then in my very own tub-
i might actually be able to drown.

Near 90 degrees outside today.
I did go out there once, maybe twice.

I'm wearing a sweatshirt (with the hood up)
and some basketball shorts
('cause it is near 90 degrees out today).

Lingering stares and strange faces
burn holes in the side of it.

"Whats with the hoodie?" she said.
I grinned the utmost, forged,
forced pirate-smile, i had faked,
in the longest of long whiles.

I pivoted to hide my tears.

"Its nearly 90 degrees outside,"
she is saying.
...little does she know...
inside this hood-
its raining.

my only memory of you now.
many moons ago.
language barriers between us.
but you seemed happy.
seemed to smile.
a universal language.
emotion.
even dogs speak it.
dominoes.
and crystal light.
spanish conversations.
my imagination
could only fill.
but smiles.
dad looked so proud.
proud to see us all-
in one room,
in one state.
i hope you made it
to the golden gates.
i hope he gives you the key.
i can't wait to meet you there.
one day.
so we can finally converse.
and reminisce.
universally.

i once gave all my secrets away.
i gave all my hopes and dreams,
                                       even the horrible things.
i loved whole-heartedly,
                  one fragment at time.
                                       i did do that once in my life.
burn.

i attempt to unravel, undress
these barriers now standing-between
                  
you  a n d  me.

i fear the parts i gave along the ride,
are presently no longer mine
to own,
              they were stolen somewhere-
                                              upon the irrecoverable road.
i search subdued secrets
                                   and invisible inclinations-
only to find,
              what appears to be,
this tattered tangled                                                 twisted mind.
                is diminished by
                                         long-lost-leftover             love.
                                                             stale but           dispensing
hopes and dreams,
                                     even the horrible things.
so long as you promise
to keep them somewhere safe

i promise                                         one day,
                to open locked gates-
                                              and give to YOU
                                                                            all my secrets away.

No other man has made me feel so foolish.
Driven me to snoop and peek.
To prowl and scheme.
No other man has done this to me.
Made me question his story everytime he'd leave.
Never have I been with a man, who promised me he'd cheat.
How blind do I have to be?
I'm finding out....
Through this disgusting jealousy.