In a midnight lamentation,
the soul (suppressed) of reprobation,
wallowed in wasted conspiracies-
unjust (censored) confirmations.

My shoes (foundation) which were half on,
stained the beer (love), which was half gone,
that he camped- (devoted) so entitled,
marvelously, (masculine) so magnificently upon.

Ongoing obstacles, alluring alike,
repressed restraints depicted, despite-
ones that evaded, encompassed our love,
which freshly, faithfully, finally took-flight.

That beer (blazing) tottered so temping-
wrongfully, radiantly, reluctantly-right!
It swiveling-and-spinning, (dangling) around the axis of life,
Makes this, yet another- lamentation in the night.

I would give anything to make you coffee.
To hold your gaze in the blissful, morning silence.
I would pet your mind, discreetly.

I would give anything to be the fly on your wall.
To just attain your advances.
To see your smile.
To harvest the scent of your hair.
I would let you love me.
I would provide you the promises that I once could not.

...just another morning rant.

In a broken bond,
Uncontested disarray
Retrieves this love,
For which, neither convey.

In an unholy testimony,
Vows they bleed
Upon half-heart promises,
And lies we believed.

Contradictions and misconceptions
Are the sum of our demise.
He wallows in self-pity,
This comes as some surprise.

All of these truths
Hadn't long been subdued;
Yet he weeps incessantly,
As if he had no clue.

As if he had no chance,
No reason or rhyme.
As if I never told him,
As if he hadn't had the time.

Whites now blend
To blacks and blues.
Increasing injustice
Distinguished the two.

In this *******,
Sedation suggests-
Temporary comfort
While we fail this test.

Retrieving this love,
For which neither of us convey,
Our bond is broken-
Uncontested disarray.

Do you ever just want to lay down and cry?
To lock the doors and forget-
That tank outside?
Do you ever just want to abandon your pride?
And tell him your hurting and pleading inside?
Depleting. Putrid-
The only way to describe
This feeling I'm wheeling
And fighting to hide.
Do you ever just want to lay down and cry?
To dismember the censors
And surrender this time?

I do it all for
                          you.
         For a distant time.
                           -A distant life.
Fly on sweet
                         bird.
        
-I'll be seeing you.

daddy.
im utterly helpless.
and yes i blame you!
i've become a disease,
infecting all i touch.
grim as it is,
as aware of it as i may be,
infectious i still remain.
i still blame you.
for we are interminable.
for we are completely alike.
pride established dominance,
a mind capable of enormous leverage.
a cruel mind.
he was your only ecstasy.
only room for your son
not me
everything afterwards savored of anti ******.
lonely and neglected,
i finally give in,
too proud for too long.
i blame you!
fearful to confess....
im utterly helpless

ode to a man
the keeper of my dreams,
melody of my soul,
the wind beneath my wings.
ode to a man
beautiful as can be
whispers to my heart
only beauty he can see.
ode to a man
who's heart he let me take
used him and beat him
till there was nothing left to break.
ode to a man
who loved me anyway,
though my only heart wondered,
his love did truly stay.
ode to a man
who finally gave up.
i loved him more than anything
but his love was never enough....

so i write to you my confession...
to speak loudly and clear.
for so long, under such suppression,
damnation i had to fear.

greatly i have wronged you,
in more unutterable ways than one.
the truth of my infidelities
have yet to come undone.

i write to you my confession...
of a man of twenty-eight,
my lustful thoughts woed me,
actions i reprobate.

i write to you my confession...
of a man of twenty-two.
in which i spoke salacious words,
a man who is not you.

i write to you my confession...
of heinous and deliberate lies,
knowing quite well the manipulation
would lead to your demise.

i write to you my confession...
recite what you dont know.
the body that belongs to you,
i proceed to show.

i write to you my confession...
for i no longer wish to hide.
my words, my thoughts, my actions,
may now all coincide.

I could take advantage of you,
Use you as I please.
Steal from you,
Lie to you,
Make you beg on your knees.
I could make you love me,
Give me everything you've got.
Yearn for me when I demand,
Do anything on the spot.
Foolish as you are,
As enticing as I may be,
You have not a single clue
Of the things you do not see.
I am an evil spirit,
The devil if you will,
You cannot see me,
You cannot hear me,
But trust me, you do still.
Hostile take over,
Of your body, of your mind.
User down to the bone,
So get loaded one more time.

And tonight before I rest my head,
I have one last request.
Dear Lord I ask for peace of mind,
And strength to do my best.

I ask You only of simple things,
Though knowing I'm eternally ******,
Please know the carcasses under my bed
I physically reprimand.

I pray for courage to persist,
And will to not stray.
I plead for the wisdom to see the light
And endure another day.

Lastly I beg before I respite
To remind me of my place,
Illustrate Your beauty day after day
And overwhelm me with your grace.

Amen

Probe me antagonists,
For I am no longer afraid-
Of your shunning or your lynching,
Or stoning, or blade.

You all stare with luscious eyes,
Jealous, cruel-fiends.
Malicious and vindictive,
Hating by all means.

Under the sheets-
Gasping beyond belief,
You kick me,
I can not breath.

No longer am I easy,
No longer  tease to please.
Sick with rage and frustration,
Consumed like a disease.

I know when you lie to me,
The only question is why?
Who said you could judge?
Who made you GOD when they died?

Stare at me, look into my eyes!
Oh how I trusted you and you made me cry!
Let down, alone
I crumble by his side.

Running from reality, he holds me at night.
When silent sobs seep from inside.
I wanna scream, but instead I hide.
And sedate myself from your hellish wealth,
And your perfect life,
And your easy ride.

I'm alone and I'm fine.
I do not need you to pry.
Or to pity me as I die.

Twisted and dismayed;
I am ******- but definitely unafraid.
Foolish and used,
Ill live to see another day.

And the pain you caused will finally fade.
And the love we knew will be replaced.
I'm moving on and out of place.
I don't need you, or your approving face.
And all of its grace.

Your drama and chilling pace-
Graphic and slow, savor the chase.
God what a waste.
People just love to hate.

'Round and 'round,
Stuck in their rut of a mental state.
Dyeing, hell-bent on leaving a trace,
On hurting and watching me break.

Karma neither is predictable,
Nor is it fast.
One day you'll bear the burden
And the pain of an outcast.

Living in a sea
boiling everything but fear,
bodies of memories,
people disappear.
Engraved in my portrait,
your crystal chandelier,
loud and uncanny,
as the smoke begins to clear.
the ticks I don’t hear
stir the bleeding in my ears,
and the love that wont appear
surely contradicts my tears.
Its all too ‘perfect’ in here.
I begin to melt
the hope that felt
all too real
to be anything else.
Imposter!
Unwilling to forgive,
disinclined to help.
I thought I was a friend
but you only wished me hell.
Repent!
You don’t consume me that well,
drown someone else with that sedated swell.
Melancholy about how this came to be,
your nothing more
than another sick memory.

Contagious emoting,
Prestigiously floating,
Committing to life
While time is unfolding.

Displaced trust-
Liars and lust,
Disappear with the wind
As the hinges rust.

Imprisoned in time,
Rushing to find,
The parts we lost
Along the ride.

Along the road.
No place called home.
Sway with trees-
Until the stars burn cold.

As grays recede,  
Eyes don’t bleed,
For the burden of guilt
Has begun to flee.

Fearless, ambitious,
honest, complex-
my armored man
tattered and distressed.
Used, displaced-
yet not to
underestimate.
Domineering but tame,
my being he stimulates.
Beauty exceeded
only by pain,
memories depicted
left their stain.
Quick to give,
slow to take-
bigger the heart,
the harder it breaks.
Pretty eyed,
pirate smile;
pessimist at times-
all the while
filled with hope,
love to tend,
my armored man
quick to defend.
Holds his own,
never retreats-
witnessed more pain
than a child should see.
Still he stands,
my armored man,
stronger than you
could even conceive.
Harboring light,
my blues retrieve-
for this armored man
believed in me.

Oh me, oh my,
Oh my, oh me.
Wasting along
Till the clock ticks three.
Blindsided-
YOU used ME.
You tell yourself,
It- couldn't be-
Oh me, oh my,
Oh my, oh me.
I loved you more
Than you could see.
Your baggage seemed
More primary-
My life grew more-
On the contrary.
Oh me, oh my,
Oh My, owe me?
Evade the sickness.
Willing to flee-
Done with inattentiveness
And the attention you seek.
Oh me, oh my,
Oh my, oh me-
And Im the one you called
A leech-
Well I guess I ******
Unknowingly.
Goes to show
What you really think
About the life,
You think I lead.
Oh me, oh my,
Oh my, Oh me.
Good-bye YOU,
I'll no longer be
The one to harbor
This insanity.

growing up sideways
not up or down
still recovering from mishaps
misuses, mistakes.
im not her anymore
im not really sure who she was
but she made my life difficult by choice.
at night, dreaming of a past life,
fixing the horror caused-
making everything alright;
i then wake,
to a world unforgivable.
i sob and
scream-
im sorry
why cant you believe me?!?!
ill be seeing you.

She asked me if I need you
though the walks
the talks
were blue.

Burdened with the headache,
the fear of something new-
repercussions to this decision-
an advocate much
   too valuable
to loose.

Harbor this fugitive of our love that runs deep,
obliterating oceans and barriers between.
Deciphering the waste from the optimally,
landing on my feet
means everything;
maintaining my faith,
a necessity.

Overwhelmed and anxious, I find relief-
in a sense of stability
in the event I flee.
        Always a way out,
        but not always-
back to thee.

She asked me if i need you,
but my response was meek.
"I wonder if I'll need him-
while floating out to sea..."

home is a place,
where the walls don't smell
of regret,
or extintion,
or torment,
or hell.

home is a place,
where the doors revolve,
ambitions stroll in,
while fears disolve.

home is a place,
where the blankets are soft,
a one story house,
with the roof torn off.

home is a place,
where dreams proceed
to have no limit,
no unreachable deed.

home is a place,
built on hope and faith,
heated by love,
and secured by strength.

home is a place,
which will never break,
because the Lord is my savior
and he guides the way.

Sometimes its enough-
no need to carry on.
To continue the letters
that lengthen the song.
That does not matter
for it-
already is done.
Yet you sift through the stars
as if-
there were none.
Go repent, you are
the only one.
Who reminisces the days
when love was sung.
And prevailed and won.
And cheered and hummed.
A time in which
we cared for fun.
Irrelevant now,
enough-
you were wrong.
pointless to try
and lengthen the song.

Oh t.v.-
how I despise thee.
Consuming the hearts
and the minds of the weak.
Living their days,
only to see,
what gossip they find
on the next celebrity.
Disgusting *******-fiends!
Destroying all the peace!
Probing at these lives
of whom they wish
that they could be.
Discover your own life already!
Uncover all the lies already!
Quit wasting your days
conforming your ways,
for your end will be fast and steady.

You sure are a tricky one
creeping inside my thoughts.
Suppressed my memories as well as I could,
but your spirit I haven't forgot.
Lovers, we were not.
Companions-
you always fought.
But yet I bleed,
for your soul I need.
To share this
wealth of knowledge
I bought.
Missing your words,
beyond conceived.
self-infliction,
aware-
I created this grief.
Knowing full well
the solution I seek.
Hiding from you,
for I'm just too weak.
And fear that if we speak
you will cower in disbelief.
You will un-hide,
the scars inside,
that nobody wishes to see.
I do miss you friend,
return soon to me please.

Can you feel that?
Wait close your eyes.
Let it in.
Let the ecstasy begin.

Do not fight-
predestined right.
And remove your mind from sin.

And breathe within the wind.
Savor it,
until its dimmed.

Diminish the pain,
dismayed in vain.
Embrace true happiness from within.

Can you feel that?
Can you feel it under your skin?
Tickling inside-
as if the walls could grin.

As if no one told lies.
As if no fear in our cries.

Can you feel that?
Wait-
don't open your eyes.
Can you feel it now?

That is-
the highest high.

Suppose I told you
today you'll die.

And you have one shot
to sink or fly,

to fight the tide
or drown or hide.

Suppose I told you
today you'll live.

You get only one moment
to truly forgive

yourself for all
the sins let in.

To finally cease
calling out for him.

Suppose I told you
this is all a dream.

Nothing you see
is what it seems.

Would it make any difference,
any change at all?

Would you choose to fly?
Or continue-
to fall.

The shyest prize
who sings, but lies,
climatically waves
as she bats her eyes.

With her head held high
the sun can shine,
yet within her dismissal
she'll finally hide.

On display, in such-
a courageous way.
She pretends to be
the smile she fakes.

Inadequate- she'll say.
Trembling with fear
you cannot read
on her face.

The shyest prize,
she sings, yet lies,
falsifies the fear,
and pain in her eyes.

Serene- complete.
She only ventures- to be.
Plays this role
nobody can see.

The lady on the land
knows she cannot swim.
With just a toe,
she tests the flow,
and dreams of jumping in.

The lady in the sea
prays to be a tree.
And hopes one day
that the plans she made
will finally come to be.

The lady in the sky
no longer wants to fly.
But still she's stuck,
nowhere but up-
and has no idea why.

The lady of the air
warns them of a tare,
they would create,
if one was late,
leaving nothing but despair.

Luminescent sacrifism
concocting inside
this bountiful prism.
Succumb to division,
reciprocations to decisions
unholy in thought
occupying this prison.
Unknown-
the only variable that's given.
Uncover the conspiracies
in this tank that you live in.
Revealing whats hidden,
believe and be smitten.
Luminescent little prism,
dreaming this dream
of a bountiful
sacrifism.