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A riveting fracture
Of my current existence.
Clenching my throat,
Trying to squeeze out the dread;
The panic.

I've lost myself -
I don't know where I am, or
Where my body is.

Tense. Because
I'm trying so hard
Not to let go of myself,
Again.

"Keep straight.
Keep focused.
No.
Not like that.
Don't think ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜
About ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต.
Don't be that way
About ๐™ฉ๐™๐™ž๐™จ.

It's okay.
Try to breathe.

You have control
Over your mind.

๐—ฌ๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—ป๐˜๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐—น
Over your mind.

๐—ฌ๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—ป๐˜๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐—น
๐—ข๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ ๐—บ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ฑ."

And it's okay
For a moment,
But the busy hands
Don't shield the silence
For long.

And through that
It comes spinning,
Entwining amongst
My conscious hardwiring.

"You are not welcome!
I don't want to believe it."

But I've been deeply imprinted
To believe
These emotional rules
Are bound to me.

So, often I break;
I give in.

The sheer loneliness
Of the thought
Consumes me.

I wait in the rain,
For when the storm dissipates,

๐˜”๐˜ข๐˜บ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ญ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ฏ.

โ–ช๏ธŽmica lightโ–ช๏ธŽ
Tell me,
How do you walk
With all of that pain?

You move on this earth
Steady, going
For so long now
That you believe
This is
A part of you.

๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ต ๐˜ข ๐˜ฑ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ต ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ.

It sits, quietly
Draining your will,
Your connection.

๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ต ๐˜ข ๐˜ฑ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ต ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ.

It sits, numbing
Out feelings,
Causing friction.

๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ต ๐˜ข ๐˜ฑ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ต ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ.

It sits, waiting
For your eviction.

๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ต ๐˜ข ๐˜ฑ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ต ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ.

So locate it, banish it.
I promise you, I swear
Oh, precious one,

You'll find that ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช'๐™ง๐™š ๐™จ๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ก๐™ก ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š๐™ง๐™š.

โ–ช๏ธŽ mica light โ–ช๏ธŽ
Your trauma is not you, but in your mind.
So work that **** and love what's left behind.
I open the book.
The first word reads,
"Destined."

Afraid,
I turn the page,
And I rest into restless text.

Lines and curves
Come together
Making the letters
That make the words
That make you, and
I start to fall in love with your adjectives.

As the story writes,
This astonishment I have of you
Was inevitable.

"๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜บ ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ." ๐˜ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฌ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ง.

As I read on,
Collected shapes
Come together
Forming the symbols
That create the words
That tell the story
Of what it's like for us to touch.

Seamless sentences
Flow through the pages
Floating our love
Down the river that is
This book.

This story is not for the faint of heart.
For there are rapids,
Rocks,
And falls
Along the way.

There are even times
When we both tried
To write ourselves
Right off the page.

But every time,
The pen just comes around to the other side of the paper.

"๐˜ ๐˜ฌ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด. ๐˜'๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ." ๐˜ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ, ๐˜ฃ๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ณ๐˜บ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ.

Our love,
It separates and
Circulates before it
Gravitates us
Back together again.
And again.

Realizing now that this book is a constant.
That we've been written into the same story.
That we float down the same river.

And even when it
Splits in two
And I can't see you
I don't worry,
Because I know you're just
Some pages over,
Writing a part
Of your story.

"๐˜ ๐˜ด๐˜ธ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ณ ๐˜'๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฌ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ." ๐˜ ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ, ๐˜ฃ๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ถ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฃ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ...

They talk about the times
When I couldn't find you
In the same chapter.

Periods when your name
Had not been seen next to mine
For so long,
I thought maybe
You found a way
To get the pen
Off the page.

Then just as I would
Conquer my rapids
And approach a place of calm,
Out of no where
You would float along.
And just like that
It felt like
You were never even gone.

United we float,
Our names in tow
Each with a pen
On the page
And a row
In the boat.
Writing the story that writes us.

"Where does this river go?"
You ask. And suddenly,
I know.

"This is where we have been headed along."

We silently drift to the end.
But the water does not fall,
Instead,
The river runs into a rising sky.
Flowing ribbons of crystal lace.
This is our meeting place.
We have been here once before.

Have we been enough?

Two souls,
With a thousand stories
Lived and told.

A thousand timeless masterpieces.

"๐˜ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ." ๐˜ ๐˜ด๐˜ข๐˜บ,
"๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜บ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ญ."
And that is when her heart began to swell.

Ancient stories locked
In our DNA, released
Into the universal sea.
And finally,
She could see
All the lessons
That she needs
To at last
Complete
Her healing.

๐—ฆ๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ด๐—น๐—ผ๐˜„๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—ถ๐—ป ๐˜ƒ๐—ถ๐—ฏ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐˜ ๐—ด๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—ป.

And so it seems,
Our fountains are filled
With masterpieces
Lived and killed.
We will move into eternity.
This I know certainly.

๐™”๐™ค๐™ช ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™™ ๐™„ ๐™๐™–๐™ซ๐™š ๐™—๐™š๐™š๐™ฃ ๐™š๐™ฃ๐™ค๐™ช๐™œ๐™.

โ–ช๏ธŽ mica light โ–ช๏ธŽ
An Ode To An Ancient Love Story.
On this day
That you left
I find myself here,
Feeling like
I'm not enough human
To fill this space.

Today marks a day
That we both let go
Of the parts of eachother
We knew we couldn't hold.

How I miss your soul.

And the comfort of the chaos,
In our eternal push and pull.

Today marks a day that
I chose right by myself.
It was the hardest thing to do,
Because it means I'm losing you.

But...

You forgot your shoes.

You know -
My favourite ones.
I wear outside when
I smoke in them.

โ–ช๏ธŽ micalight โ–ช๏ธŽ
To goodbyes.
To healthy endings.
To learning lessons.
S e x u a lย ย energy, invade me.
Permeate through my skin.
Sipping on sin
And tasting all the places
We've been.

S e x u a lย  energy, encase me.
Cover me in tongue.
Lust filled lungs
Breathe heavy til I come
Undone.

S e x u a lย  energy, envelope me.
Consume me in your grip.
Sip on my lips
And seal me with your
fingertips.

S e x u a lย  energy, enter me.
Arrive inside of me to find
My melting mind
Cascading into rivers,
At the bed side.
Hiding. She's
Trying. I keep her
Confined.

Sleeping. She's
Weeping. She screams out her
Cries.

Falling. She's
Calling. There's pain in her
Eyes.

Dormant. She's
Latent. She feels
Paralyzed.

Shifting. She's
Drifting. But I keep her
Inside.

Uneasy. She's
Queasy. Yet I
Minimize.

Refracted. She's
Lasted. She cant be
Denied.

Bleeding. She's
Seeking. To be
Recognized.

Unwitting. I'm
Splitting. I say my
Goodbyes.

Heating. It's
Fleeting. My old peace of
Mind.

Conquered. I'm
Anchored. I'm treading
Neck-high.

Drowning. Heart
Pounding. My sight going
Blind.

Vehement. Not
Present. I am losing my
Pride.

Engaging. I'm
Raging. She's loud from
Inside.

Neurotic. I'm
seasick. From pain left
Behind.

Messy. We're
Heavy. There's blood on our
Lies.

Damage. I
Manage. This fall from up
High.

Numbness. Crave
Oneness. This banal state,
Mine.

Transgressing. Keep
shedding. And I'll find her
Smile.

Uplifting. Deep
Thinking. I tame what is
Wild.

ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  Releasing and healing
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  ย ย My own inner-child.

ย ย ย ย ย ย 
โ˜ผ Mica Light
Sometimes she comes gently. Sometimes she comes with force.

Vehement: marked by extreme intensity of emotions or convictions; inclined to react violently; fervid
Banal: obvious and dull; repeated too often; overfamiliar through overuse
Splitting: a commonly used defense mechanism for people with BPD that is done subconsciously in an attempt to protect against intense negative feelings such as loneliness, abandonment and isolation; sees in 'black and white'; no 'grey area'
The ground is always trembling.
Bound to break beneath me.

A constant storm is brewing.
Don't know when it could release.

My body seeking safety.
There is no where to go.

The energy within me
is shaking, screaming "no".

Pressure from the inside out.
Skin bursting at the seams.

No wonder I am overwhelmed,
If this is how it's always been.

Mica Light
When there's nothing to do, no where to be, nothing I truly need... Why is that such a hard state for me to be?
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