you salt my gardens green
reviving the trees
in which eden
used to swing

calling out to me
to bring my own tears
from the emerald sea
i give them to you

to control

for my gardens may know
how i have
lost my soul
far too long ago

i can feel myself
being swallowed
by the red sea
the salt water
fills my eyes
and i can no longer see

this happens every time

i am stuck
in the whirlpool
of my own anxiety

i try to kick my feet
but i only tangle them more
in the sea ****
that lies beneath

my mother always warned me
about what to do
if a stranger ever tries
to come up
and talk to you

but she never warned me of how

the body you lay with
the second soul
you choose to bear
can become a stranger
at the drop of a star
as well

my beloved
you don’t seem to see
how you’ve taken everything from me
leaving my secrets
spilled out in blue ink
like orchid oil tears
the sweet aroma of fears
extracted by you
fills my world
and i can no longer think

i step in
the hot shower
for about an hour
giving myself
10 seconds to cry
before falling to the floor
pulling the curtain liner
praying to the faith
of my surrender

i hope it happens soon
i hope the water
can be the one to love me
enough to pull me under

the tornado inside
let’s the whirlwind of highs
project violet skies
that now only live
within the white noise
of heavens sunrise

i wanted to go out
the way you did

but sometimes
god laughs at the plans
you make out to die

i can’t cry
when i hold you
and i can’t feel
when i kiss you
because you’re only

in my daydream

only in my daydream

and i hate for us
to be apart at lengths we are
but i love the days
when i fall apart
because the tears create illusions

and that’s the only way
i see you