I knew I had found myself when
I took off the yellow sunglasses
and the world was still just as beautiful
just as full of love and light and roses
the air whispered
this is it babygirl
sweetly in my ear before filling my lungs
with lavender colored bliss
and sweet hugs from the sun
taught me how to embrace my body

I woke up with pulsing beating memories from the night before making their way from my hollow center to this mass of incarceration you used to make me soar now I’m alone laying on the floor watching butterflies move in the way I want to the way I used to when you were inside me I moved like I’ve always wanted to true raw bliss just like the pain you left in my heart moving down to my base that I scuffed on the Marley floor last month to feel my knees bruise again without hollowing out my insides or settling for some other brown haired man that’ll never be you

I’ll spend the rest of my life
searching for the energy
that replaced your sunshine
when you left this once comforting earth

How do I explain
that I want to spend forever with you
a lifetime of coffee on our white porch
in the morning sun-
When I’m constantly screaming, starving, wishing that this dense mass I’m trapped inside
just floats away
leaves this earth with the sunset
and leaves my soul in a prettier, more worthy
lover of yours

pink flowers blend with my toes, contrasting the
gray like my lungs and my ceilings and your breath
like black nail polish mangled in your wired beard
trying not to puncture the glass balloon you shoved me in

cracked lips you used to mend
never gently, but blissfully
lie open, yearning, screaming
my once yellow kisses burn blue with remembrance

As sure as
the sun knows the moon will glow
every night while she sleeps,
the leaves will rush to the ground to blanket its chilly surface every autumn,
I love you, I love you, I’m in love with you.

Dreaming of
another life I could be spending with you instead of
nodding off in this gloomy, dark, twisted
island I’ve lived on
everyday since you sailed away
lonely, longing, lusting. I woke up today wishing I was
high in your arms, warm kisses on my forehead
as I did each day last week, and the one before that
noticing how empty my legs felt not wrapped in yours
remembering the sensation of your hand in my hair feels like
autumn sunshine on my goosebumped skin
hairs standing up on my arms like you stood me up
again and again
not caring about the stains you’ve been leaving on my pillows every night since

My body is longing for
a soft, supple peony to brush against
my shaky fingers
bringing the tips of my broken fingernails
the concept of beauty
so when they scratch my waist as I put on my jeans in the morning
they remember what perfection feels like.
Let them remind me that I am whole
while they spread the sweet smell of spring across my back and down my legs
serving as a gentle reminder
that my limbs are soaked in silver glitter
filled with wholesome, raw, untouched
magnificence.