How many more times
Will I watch a guy **** two girls
Before I kiss one I love?

I'm five blocks
Stacked inside a hole
Pick me a part, block by block
Just don't go looking for a soul

I'm discarded paper
Secrets torn apart
So they could hide
Safely in my heart

I'm bullets in a gun
Crashing headfirst into everything
Tearing through myself
With just a dying sting

I am empty air
I am what they never see
I am, simply, me

Some of them abuse you.
Some of the abuse,
is caused by you.
Everyone looking for something 
Many  ending with nothing
Stardom is only for a chosen few.
the rest they blame on you
for doing what they tell you to do.
Some of them want to use you
Most of them are already used.
Look at them, looking in at you
what are you supposed to do,
when nobody knows what to do.
Except for telling these lies about you.
Knowing the can't do it without you.
Using tools of abuse, to doubt you
knowing not a thing about you.

I'm made of nostalgia;
every part of me feels it.
just a requiem for performance.
sitting on the rooftop in the cold,
playing songs all the same
the time so bittersweet.
misery disspated with your touch
but I haven't felt you since last April.
untangling my thoughts in hopes
I'll find you in the silence or the smoke.
I don't want to wait;
I'd love to run away.
a promise changes everything
new rooftops to sit and watch the sunset,
nights to explore the rooms of our mind
opening old boxes, forgotten memories inside.
sometimes I fear my dreams fool me,
that it's not real love you're feeling.
the fact is you've given me the best nights
and I'm not ready for you to leave again.
please just stay with me this time
love doesn't need you to think.

November 26, 2014 11:26pm
- newportsmooths h.g.

while you were sleeping
I smelt winds that brought me back
to summers of my childhood
and I remembered what it felt like
to truly be alone
with a beating heart beside me
nights pushed me on my own
lost and dazed with dreams of sleep
accompanied by only voices within
who can't calm me when the walls bend
surrounded by emptiness
my backwards thoughts make no sense
with so much to say I find no words
I put my hands to the ground to ask the earth
why is this contradictory chaos so consuming?
will I come out on top?
or will it **** me?

October 22, 2014 5:30pm
-newportsmooths h.g.

i drank 12 beers yesterday and still remembered your street name
- no one can love me how i love them
- the last meal i ate was three days ago, it was soup
- i woke up with your name on my lips
- 23 years have gone by and I still won't clean my room
- crying in front of you is my worst nightmare
- ******* is keeping me from destroying everything
- "you look like a poem when you cry"
- i think about having *** with you when i'm at work
- red wine puts things into perspective
- i'm sorry but i don't believe a ******* word you say
- music is a form of escapism
- i apologize way too much for my own good