I always thought that the worst kind of pain was to see yourself lose someone so very slowly
to see him every single day for the longest time, anticipating that one morning you won't be able to see him again
but still hoping that you will
rejoicing in every moment he's still around but noticing that he's slipping away as time slowly creeps in
and when he leaves, it's a kind of emptiness that you tried to acquaint yourself with each new morning
but this time the emptiness takes his place

I always thought that nothing could beat that

but I've found a pain more sudden and sharp
no time to compose yourself
or to comprehend the situation
leaving isn't an unwelcome guest but rather an ever present force that hits you head on
your head is left in a daze when he leaves
before you had the chance to know he was gone
before you had the chance to really say goodbye

see, when he leaves slowly your heart is battered everyday and when the final blow does come, the pain is somewhat bearable because you've grown callouses from those wounds

however, when he leaves as quickly as a flash of lightning, all you are left with is an echo of the thunder
and a realisation that you don't have an umbrella on hand for the mess of the storm

I wish I could slowly drift away
from all the pain, all the mistakes you caused me.
I wish I can put into words
all the emotions and the feelings.
I wish you could see what a mess I have been,
and I hope, though I am struggling,
you would take time to listen.
You would take time to even care.

Who are you?
What have you done?
To your desires, why have I fallen so badly?
Looking back only makes me quiver,
when I was moody, childish, immature.
Imperfect, that is what you are.
A human, sometimes careless, but always
always fragile.

Dear Me, hear me out.
Look yourself in the mirror,
this is not what you want.
The battle lies not on the outside
but is waged within you.
Before evil triumphs, darling,
overcome it with good.