I want to give myself to you
I swear to God I really do.

But every time we get that close
Most of me is still opposed.

That man f*cked me up,
it will always get me choked up.

I fear he'll always have control,
even though you're on patrol.

Maybe it's myself I fear the most.
Is that his master plan, to be the host?

When he's dead remains a ghost
and that is what I fear the most.

I cut myself again tonight
But I will never tell you
I wish never to fight

I love you dearly,
But I do not want
Your sorrow and pity.

You'll blame yourself,
I know you will.
I promise I won't **** myself.

You have no relation
To this dark habit.
It is but my own creation.

It does not help.
I know, I know.
Right now, it's living hell.

Knives.
Sleek, silver, shimmering.
It speaks to me,
"Come this way."

Mutilation
Is as bad as you make it.
To us it is just a way
To relieve some pain.

Blades.
They are so great,
emotional shade,
a short escape.

Stitches.
Two now,
by myself.
Still no relief.

I am happy here,
for right now.
In this empty café.
Warm and cozy, yet so lonely.

all sounds are muted
the air has a gentle chill breeze
everything is new

smell the earth reborn
the moon is once again new
this marks a new life

this is the new moon
listen to her softly sleep
is this a dream?

Pause, erase, or stay.
That’s the name of the game.
I know it’s quite a shame,
but it’s the only way.
I need someone to hold
and you’re so far away.
You don’t seem to want a way
to make it to my stronghold.
This is the end,
for I can tell.
You won’t ring the bell,
I never meant to offend.
Pause, erase, or stay.
That’s the name of the game.
I know it’s quite a shame,
but it’s the only way.

It's been six months
Since that day
Things went too far.

I almost died
But never cried.
It was the plan,
What I wanted.

I've changed since then.
I'm happy now,
I'm healthy now,
Until right now.

I cut again.
I taste defeat.
I was so strong,
I was complete.

I haven't drank
Since that night
I almost died.

But like I said,
I cut again.
I sense the spiral,
about to begin.

I cannot do it,
Not this time.
I've come too far,
I cleaned my crimes.

I have much to live for.
There are people who
actually depend on me,
actually trust me.

I wont let them down,
No, not again.

X-acto eighteen
Its has been a while
Six months now I've been clean
Now just back in that aisle

Dried brown blood
Still remains
These feelings flood
I can't contain

Your sharp edge
Tears my skin
Now on the edge
I cry and grin

I feel better now
Or so it seems
But I can't allow
These dark extremes