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Marlene Jan 2018
I am happy here,
for right now.
In this empty café.
Warm and cozy, yet so lonely.
Marlene Jan 2018
Sleek, silver, shimmering.
It speaks to me,
"Come this way."

Is as bad as you make it.
To us it is just a way
To relieve some pain.

They are so great,
emotional shade,
a short escape.

Two now,
by myself.
Still no relief.
This poem was written a long time ago. I am doing much better now. Just getting around to publishing these poems.
I have finally found happiness.
Marlene Jan 2018
I cut myself again tonight
But I will never tell you
I wish never to fight

I love you dearly,
But I do not want
Your sorrow and pity.

You'll blame yourself,
I know you will.
I promise I won't **** myself.

You have no relation
To this dark habit.
It is but my own creation.

It does not help.
I know, I know.
Right now, it's living hell.
This poem was written months ago, I am doing much better now.
Marlene Jan 2018
X-acto eighteen
Its has been a while
Six months now I've been clean
Now just back in that aisle

Dried brown blood
Still remains
These feelings flood
I can't contain

Your sharp edge
Tears my skin
Now on the edge
I cry and grin

I feel better now
Or so it seems
But I can't allow
These dark extremes
This poem was written months ago, and I am doing much better now.
Marlene Jan 2018
The constant war in my mind
Rages like a hurricane
Annihilating humankind
Etching away at my brain

I want to be calm
I want to be cool
But I feel like a bomb
Sure to befool

Death is inevitable
So why should I cry
It gets too unbearable
We're all going to die
Marlene Jan 2018
It's been six months
Since that day
Things went too far.

I almost died
But never cried.
It was the plan,
What I wanted.

I've changed since then.
I'm happy now,
I'm healthy now,
Until right now.

I cut again.
I taste defeat.
I was so strong,
I was complete.

I haven't drank
Since that night
I almost died.

But like I said,
I cut again.
I sense the spiral,
about to begin.

I cannot do it,
Not this time.
I've come too far,
I cleaned my crimes.

I have much to live for.
There are people who
actually depend on me,
actually trust me.

I wont let them down,
No, not again.
Marlene Jan 2018
I want to give myself to you
I swear to God I really do.

But every time we get that close
Most of me is still opposed.

That man f*cked me up,
it will always get me choked up.

I fear he'll always have control,
even though you're on patrol.

Maybe it's myself I fear the most.
Is that his master plan, to be the host?

When he's dead remains a ghost
and that is what I fear the most.
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